COLORADO SPRINGS FAMILY TERRORIZED BY JOGGER WHO POOPS IN THEIR YARD
“Curb your dog” is a sign we’ve all seen. It’s a universal testament to the ongoing tension between people whose lawns are pooped on by dogs and the people whose dogs conveniently poop on other people’s lawns. There are civic rules, town rules, ordinances and neighborhood watches that make this simple but slippery problem a priority. But what do you do (doo?) when your domestic castle is assaulted not by a passing canine when your attention is diverted, but by a human jogger who squats, waves and moves on in broad daylight? That’s enough to drive you mad.
DAY-POOPER STILL ON THE LOOSE, NEIGHBORHOOD GETTING ROUGH WITH TENSION
So be aware that there is this unresolved dilemma if you are to visit Colorado Springs anytime soon. But for the Budde family, they are sick and tired of being a, um, dumping ground. And it’s not over yet. The Mad Pooper is still off leash, leaving turds randomly but always in the day. So far the neighborhood’s confusion has just piled up, even as the Budde family get more riled up.
“It’s not like it’s private, people can see you,” she said. “We’re seeing her.”
POOPER MAKES KIDS CRY, STILL POOPS AND RUNS
Budde claims the sight of the jogger squatting and releasing her bowels in the yard has also made her children cry. The resident recounted a confrontation with the woman, wherein she ran outside to ask why she was pooping in the yard: “I was like ‘are you serious? Are you really taking a poop right here in front of my kids?’ And she was like ‘yeah, sorry.'”
POOPER HAS PUBLIC PENCHANT FOR PUTRID PILES
The surprise poop attacks don’t appear to be random, but rather inspired by a cold, calculated penchant for chaos. The alleged pooper regularly runs with napkins, and has also been spotted relieving herself in a local Walgreens and in other backyards. Perhaps driven by animus — or a merciless thirst for retribution — the Mad Pooper has put the small city on edge.
One man, interviewed in a public park not far from the Budde’s home, told reporters that pooping in public isn’t cool: “It’s just not a natural thing we’d do in our society, to drop your trouser and relieve yourself right there, when you know there’s people around,” he said.
POO DROPS LIKE REGULAR CLOCKWORK, NO SHAME FOR DELIRIOUS DEFECATOR
Budde has done her own reconnoissance work, taking pictures of the apparent defecator as she jogs throughout the neighborhood. Budde also put up signs around town to warn the community and shame the Mad Pooper into submission. But for some reason, the turds keep dropping, unrelenting in their terror.
“I put a sign on the wall that’s like ‘please, I’m begging you, please stop.'” Budde said. “She ran by it like 15 times yesterday, and she still pooped.”
With an atmosphere of confusion and dread growing stronger in Colorado Springs, the Budde’s have called the authorities to investigate. The Mad Pooper now faces charges of public exposure and public defecation after leaving a trail of smelly panic across the otherwise peaceful neighborhood. Let’s hope justice — and maybe a public bathroom — prevails.