People receive deliveries by mistake all the time, but sometimes it’s more than just a missing sweater. Last month an Ohio man was mistakenly sent a gun safe filled with 285 pounds of marijuana. Police think the mix-up occurred somewhere between the distributor in Mexico and the retailer who sold the safe (and apparently another mix-up when the man decided to give it to the police). This is a pretty crazy story, but what is even crazier is that it isn’t an isolated incident. Take a look at some of the more extreme examples of delivery mix-ups.
Assorted Body Parts
Back in 2007, a Michigan couple received two packages they assumed contained parts for a table. But while they were dreading the hours of assembly and obligatory argument as they opened the package, they probably had never wished for vinyl-covered slabs of particle board more in their entire life. The first box contained a human liver, to which the male so profoundly said (as reported by the AP) “This is a liver.”
And when there’s a liver in one box, you already know the second box just has to contain a partial human head. It did.
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The couple called the police, who confirmed through DHL that the parts were delivered from China and intended for a local medical lab. What is more disturbing is a footnote to this story with absolutely no follow-up in which DHL states that at least two-dozen other parts were missing from the shipment. That kind of seems like the main story. So if you received a body part from DHL circa 2007 but for some reason didn’t report it, this is the reason.
Seven Pounds of Weed…and the People Who Ordered it
You may be surprised at how many packages full of marijuana are delivered to the wrong address; and that’s only counting what we know of (let’s just say that if I received a package full of weed, it wouldn’t make the papers). Now after 285 pounds, seven might not seem like much, but a Massachusetts woman who was delivered the pungent package got more than just the surprise buds.
After the intended recipients reported the missing package to Fed Ex, the company gave them the woman’s home address for some unknown reason. Three men showed up at her home looking for their cargo. No word on if they played it coy or Mafia passive-aggressive with all sorts of double entendres and thinly-veiled threats.
Either way, they left empty-handed, heads hung in shame, and without harming her since the woman had already turned over the package to the police. She is currently suing Fed Ex. I hope she gets a giant settlement with which she can buy more than seven pounds of marijuana; though she obviously won’t. Such a waste.
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Nuclear Weapons Parts
Sometime in 2006, the United States military somehow mistakenly sent four fuses used to ignite nuclear weapons to Taiwan. It’s not as if they sent them an entire nuclear weapon or even nuclear material, but it stills seems like a pretty serious mistake; you know, since they are parts for the deadliest weapon known to mankind and all. It had the potential to be an even larger issue since it was a violation of international arms treaties and could have been perceived as a direct threat to China (which still considers the island nation Chinese property).
Apparently the fuses, which are used to detonate a Mark-12 nuclear warhead, were mistaken for helicopter batteries. The mistake wasn’t discovered until 2008 when the Taiwanese military needed the batteries. Taiwan returned the fuses without incident and little else has been made public.
A Vibrator to Michele Bachmann
Now this one isn’t on par with body parts or nuclear weapons, but the sender and recipient make it a classic. If there was a “Funniest Accidental Recipient of a Vibrator” contest, Michele Bachmann would at least get an honorable mention. Well, according to a series of text messages and emails made public during a lawsuit and leaked by BuzzFeed, the fine people at the leading Christian political consulting firm Strategy Group for Media, agreed.
The crazy-eyed Bachmann is a client of the firm, which has serviced many of the top religious zealot politicians including Rand Paul and Newt Gingrich (who also ranks in the contest). According to the internal correspondence, CEO Rex Elsass sent an employee to purchase a head massager for Bachmann as a gift and the rest is history.
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“How could this possibly happen?” you ask. It does seem very unlikely, but is entirely possible upon second thought. Who would not know the difference between a head massager and a vibrator? The answer: someone who has absolutely no idea about anything remotely sexual. Remember, this company does Christian political consulting. I’m assuming the employee’s Christianity-induced sexual naïveté intervened and caused this epic mistake. In fact, I feel like this topic was covered in 90’s sitcoms so frequently that only someone who was terrified of sex and was told as a child that television was a tool of Satan could make this mistake. It was the “perfect storm” for a mistakenly-sent vibrator, if you will.
But alas, this is not television. According to the email thread (which was not intended to be made public, so seems pretty believable) they somehow retrieved the package from Bachmann’s office before it was opened. I don’t know how they did it, but that sounds like a sitcom-worthy story.
The Bra Size of Female Officers of the Detroit Police Department
Now this one is a little different since it wasn’t a package, but it is still filed squarely under “delivery mix-ups”
Earlier this summer, the department was in the process of fitting officers with new bullet-proof vests. The female officers were required to submit their cup size in addition to their height and weight. At some point during this time, a commander sent out an email to his subordinates, updating them on the status of the vests. But he didn’t think twice about the attached spreadsheet containing the officers’ personal information; including cup sizes. The email was in turn forwarded to every single member of the department.
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Two officers have already filed a grievance. Many have also reportedly been harassed by fellow officers. That’s just something that doesn’t need to be mass-emailed around an office; let alone a police department. We could be seeing some settlements from this.