DUTCH DUDE, 69, WANTS MORE SEX AND ASKS TO CHANGE AGE TO 49
His name is Emile Ratelband. He’s, ironically, a motivational guru. But if you’re from the Netherlands, you may have heard his voice as a naughty Zaporozhets supermini from Cars 2. In Dutch, of course. But Emile is a bit of a strange guy, for a few reasons. What isn’t strange about Emile is that he still wants to get laid. But he’s a 69-year-old horny duffer. So that means his virtual presence faces what he calls discrimination. It seems that his Tinder profile doesn’t get the “hits” that he would prefer because people can see his age. So, Mr. Ratelband wants to knock 20 years off his age to combat age discrimination across the board. But especially so he can get laid. Let’s face it, 49 looks way different than 69 on Tinder.
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DOESN’T WANT TENDER AGE ON TINDER ‘CAUSE AGE DISCRIMINATION
He’s trying to legally change his age! He told media, “When I’m on Tinder and it says I’m 69, I don’t get an answer. When I’m 49, with the face I have, I will be in a luxurious position. We live in a time when you can change your name and change your gender. Why can’t I decide my own age?” Well, it’s more than a novel idea. He first tried to change his age on legal documents and his local municipality denied the request. So he’s sued them, telling a court in Arnhem that he doesn’t feel his age and, oddly, compared himself to those who consider themselves transgender.
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CNA THIS “YOUNG GOD” STILL DELIVER THE 40-SOMETHING GOODS? DOES IT MATTER?
He says his doctor told him he has the body of a 45-year-old. He called himself a “young god.” But this young god still wants to get some. So what do you think? If he can raise the circus tent does it matter if his wrinkles aren’t obvious? Or is that unfair to whoever responds on Tinder who maybe doesn’t want to give him a heart attack? So far, the court seems to be politely skeptical. Our age isn’t really the kind of thing we get to choose. It is what it is. And depending on your perspective, even if the pig doesn’t need lipstick, it’s still a pig. And no, I’m no youngster myself. But I remember being 25. And if I had had something like Tinder, I would not have been pleased to say yes to a 49-year-old and find my hot fun to be, um, 70.
So if you’re visiting the Netherlands, maybe don’t go Dutch on Tinder.