Trust is really hard for me in relationships. Ever since I was cheated on by an ex-boyfriend, Chris Brummer. I’ve noticed that I bring that baggage into all of my new relationships, and it can manifest in different ways. It can be hard to identify the red flags you do not trust your partner, here are the top four.
1. You Stalk Their Social Media
A little light stalking is normal. You want to see what your crush is up to. You might watch an Instagram story or scroll a few weeks back on their timeline to see what haircut they had a year ago or to see if they posted any photos from the Women’s March. Very typical behavior.
However, what is not typical is deviating into full-fledged paranoia about your partner’s past or their current behavior and whereabouts when they’re not with you. If you’re looking at their follower count to see if they’ve started following someone new or constantly looking at their tagged photos to see who they’re hanging out with, then that indicates a lack of trust in your relationship.
Clicking on the names of the people commenting on their photos or getting angry at your partner for innocent social media-related things is usually a sign of a lack of trust in your relationship.
2. You Stalk Their Exes On Social Media
…and their friends, their siblings, parents, cousins, cousin’s friends, neighbors, teachers, or childhood pet. The list goes on and on. If you’re down a rabbit hole of social media stalking and you now know what your partner’s Aunt Debbie makes for Thanksgiving every year, it is time to throw your phone into the ocean.
When we trust our partner, we understand that they will disclose personal information to us in their own time. We accept their pacing and respect their privacy. Following someone on social media is one thing, but deep diving into their private life is another.
Trusting someone means respecting their boundaries, and not finding out every person they have ever dated in the past by lurking their Facebook, and then lurking their ex’s Facebook, and then comparing yourself to them. That doesn’t set the tone for a healthy relationship.
3. You’re Codependent
Codependency is a sign of deeper issues within a relationship, mainly that you fear detaching from your partner because you’re unsure what they might do if left alone. Do you think you partner will forget about you? Cheat? Move on? If you are with someone because you need them, and not because they’re a pleasant addition to your life, then you need to look at what void you are attempting to fill within yourself.
4. You Pick Fights
Sometimes, in order to test how someone feels about you, you will pick a fight instead of simply asking our partner about something that concerns us. We confuse drama and chaos with love, and usually, that is because you don’t trust that your partner will give you an honest answer if you ask them for clarification about your relationship.
If you’re noticing some of these patterns in your relationship, then you might not trust your partner as much as you think you do. Get to the root of the issue, but look inward first. It might be more about you than it is about them. Do you trust yourself?