THE FLIPSIDE: An Ode to Holiday Shopping

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THE FLIPSIDE An Ode to Holiday Shopping

An Ode to Holiday Shopping

(In verse instead of prose)

When the holidays arrive, year after year, the good people of this land spend their money with relatively good cheer.
From Labor Day sales to Fridays that are Black, we give thanks for friends, turkey and presents and the right to take some gifts back.

Things that are wanted, and things bought simply because they were cheap, add to stores of items many of us must keep.
Sadly these festivities and sales have to come to an end so that we may all return home, recuperate and mend.

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But what if more discount events could be brought into the light, to the horror of compulsive spenders in debt, yet to the retailer’s ever-lasting delight?
Imagine the possibilities of deals every day, with a thousand and one manners of throwing your cash away …

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College Fund Friday, come every September, would let foolhardy parents rip through their children’s college funds, destroy and dismember.
Cyber Monday is old-school, we prefer Cyber June, when you can remortgage your house and buy future trips to the moon.

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Hang Over Patty’s Day arrives after beer, which has something to do with drunken blackouts, Saint Patrick and maxing out your wife’s credit card when your head isn’t clear.

No credit? No problem. Indentured servitude can be reintroduced, as long as you keep on spending and give the nation a much-needed boost.

While family and friends are important in life, burning through one’s salary keeps the economy brawny and from falling into strife.
So do your part by adding to this list, and buy more than you need so that we can all happily coexist.

Give a voice to the voiceless!

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