NOW WE HAVE CHEATING ANAL BEAD GATE 2, AND THIS TIME IT’S CHINESE CHECKERS
Good lord. I still haven’t recovered from the first Anal Bead Gate, which involved major drama between Magnus Carlson, world chess champion, and the young gun chess prodigy Hans Niemann. Niemann beat the champion, and the champion accused him of cheating to win. But as awkward as that was, it only got more so when the theory took hold that Niemann used vibrating, anal beads up his where it don’t shine to receive signals guiding him to victory. Now that’s awkward. But here we go again, this time with Anal Bead Gate 2. But this time the sport is Chinese Chess!
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FORMER CHINESE CHESS CHAMPION MAKES TRIUMPHANT RETURN, AND THEN THE ACCUSATIONS
It’s only been months since an arbitration agreement ended the drama between the two chess players. I literally haven’t heard anything about anal beads for at least two months. But now the vibrate your ass to win accusations are back. And somehow, it’s even more awkward! The actual name of Chinese Chess is Xiangqi. And the Xiangqi world is currently rocked with freshly odious accusations against a former champion who supposedly went anal beads deep to win. The former champion and accused vibrating bunghole cheater is 48-year-old Yan Chenglong, who won the National Chinese Chess King Competition a week ago on the island of Hainan. He literally beat dozens of opponents to win top prize.
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WHAT’S WORSE THAN ANAL BEAD CHEATING ACCUSATIONS? DRUNK CRAPPING INTO A HOTEL TUB
So how could it get more awkward than being accused of putting remote controlled as secret signal anal beads up your ass to win a strategy game? Well, Chenglong did just a little bit of celebrating the night of his victory. And by a little bit I really mean he got so drunk he ended up taking a dump in a hotel bathtub. That’s not what you call good press, and not what the Chinese Chess world wants in print by association. So the Chinese Chess association (CXA) took away Chenglong’s cash prize, and banned him from competitions for a year.
And even worse, we’re now mired in all the speculations about Anal Bead Gate 2. Did the alleged cheater clench to send signals to his partner and then wait for the vibrating message in return? Even thinking about this makes me want to stick my head up my own ass to escape.
