TSA Will Never Fail You When Fondling Genitalia

Give a voice to the voiceless!

As two TSA agents were fired for groping passengers, we think it's time the government assesses the TSA's effectiveness beyond its touchy-feely assaults. (© Heide Benser/Corbis photo)
As two TSA agents were fired for groping passengers, we think it’s time the government assesses the TSA’s effectiveness beyond its touchy-feely assaults. (© Heide Benser/Corbis photo)

The recent headlines sure as hell weren’t news to those of us who fly frequently. They revealed information about some horny Transportation Security Administration agents at Denver International Airport who were fired for inappropriately using full-body scanners to grope male crotches just for the thrill of it all.

We frequent flyers continuously suffer the humiliation from those grinning airport security geeks as they poke and prod our most private parts. It too often seems official practice that agents are required to inspect crotches of little old ladies in wheelchairs, babies and other suspicious-looking passengers. Do they really expect to find terrorist bombs hidden in diapers and Depends?

Maybe I’m being just a bit too unkind to those upstanding, well-trained TSA agents when I say that I believe they have become totally unnecessary. It has been nearly 14 years since the destruction of New York’s twin towers on Sept. 11, and when the TSA was created out of fear, it could happen again. However, by this late date, it is certain that no squadron of airport Keystone Kops could stop any determined suicide terrorist or nutcase pilot from destroying any airplane, anywhere.

Beyond the headlines about inappropriate genitalia fondling, the government should take the time to assess whether the entire TSA program’s effectiveness needs to be reconsidered, or even totally disbanded. At this point, is the agency actually doing anything other than spending billions of dollars for minimum protection or of no use at all?

Has the TSA’s work become as laughably ineffective as those of horny Atlantic City and Coney Island cops who inspected skimpy swimsuits back in the 1920s? More seriously, consider the average pay of a TSA airport agent today is $40,000, and there are about 50,000 of them.

Other than making flying a pleasure again, what would firing all of them mean to taxpayers if our government made better use of the money? Do the math and figure how many undocumented anchor babies would all those dollars feed, clothe, educate — and eventually get them government jobs.

Ted Sherman is a contributing journalist for TheBlot Magazine. He will turn 90 on Aug. 8. He’s a U.S. Navy vet who served in World War II and the Korean War, and after a lifetime of writing for other people, he’s now sharing his opinions with the world at large for various publications and on his blog 90 Is The New Black. It’s a daily rant on current news, sports, health, travel, careers, entertainment, sports, relationships and, of course, problems of advanced age.

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