SNAKE IN YOUR PANTS, OR HAPPY TO SEE ME?
Germany brings us our latest story of someone walking around with something in their pants that shouldn’t be there. Usually these stories entail some sort of smuggling, be it drugs, gold or other valuables. But this time we’re here to tell you about a man with a snake in his pants. No, really, a drunk young man was having an argument in public and caught the attention of German police who responded as the argument was a disturbance to local residents. While assessing the situation the police realized the man had “a significant bulge in his trousers.” This was enough to merit the German version of stop and frisk, which resulted in the discovery of a 14-inch-long baby king python. Despite being a python, 14 inches is truly a massssssive snake to have in one’s pants.
STOP AND FRISK AT LAST YIELDS COLD BLOODED RESULTS
This all took place in the German city of Darmstadt which is in the country’s southwest. The 19-year-old snake charmer was busted in public, with the police literally pulling the beast inch by slithering inch from his pants. There’s no word how police or onlookers reacted to the strange drama, but one can only imagine that’s not a sight one sees every day, either for officials or civilians. There’s also no word just what the young man was thinking or planning by carrying around the baby python with his personal personals, or if there was some joke or college prank involved in the drama. One can only imagine just how many ways the situation could have gone wrong, literally in a big to small way.
YOUTH WAS PERHAPS A MEMBER OF SLYTHERIN, GERMAN POLICE SAY “STUPEFY!”
The still-anonymous drunk teenager was detained and taken to a cell to get sober. Reports are that the snake was literally put in a box, which begs the question about the German language and euphemisms. As it is, the latest word is that the police were attempting to locate the snake’s proper owners to reunite them with the waylaid slitherer. German Police are also going to review if “the non-species-appropriate transport” was a violation of any animal protection laws, and plan to proceed accordingly.