I AM A RACIST, BUT DON”T KNOW HOW NEW YORK CITY PUSHED ME HERE
As I sit here I am deeply saddened that I feel it growing inside of me. It was never there before. I wasn’t raised that way. I never heard a defamatory word or saw a negative action come from my parents toward anyone of any race. I am starting to think I was raised in a bubble. After living in New York City for 21 years that bubble has burst. In these past 21 years I have been held up at gun point, mugged and smashed in the face with brass knuckles, shoved, spat on, been verbally assaulted again and again, threatened to be stabbed because I didn’t step off the curb fast enough, had a beggar scream “You White M*@&#F@)$#” at me and then throw money at me because I said I am sorry I have nothing to give, I was unemployed at the time, the incidents are countless and yes I have not been picked up by a cab because of my color. Through all of this I fought the anger I felt at those times, not wanting that anger to grow into anything else. Reassuring myself over and over that there are good and bad people in any race. That sustained me until last night…. This is a guide on becoming a racist.
THE NIGHT MY CHEESEBURGER TURNED RACIST
Last night I was ending a great night that I had spent with friends from out of town. One of my friends and I decided a cheeseburger would be the perfect end to the night. There were two high school boys ordering ahead of us. I commented to my friend that I can’t remember looking that young. We found out later they were 16. While we were all waiting for our orders a woman came in ordered and then unprovoked started to verbally assault the boys. It was uncomfortable and disturbing, the boys got visibly nervous as the woman screamed “Say something smart…. I’ll f*&^%’n slay your white ass …. I’ll cut you..” at them. They boys started saying ” I am Sorry…. there is no problem here… I am Sorry” . They just wanted this woman to stop. Obviously the woman was not dealing with a full deck. The staff at the McDonalds on W. 104th and Broadway did nothing, in fact the cashier just looked the other way. The other patrons did nothing. And yes the staff, the patrons, and the abusive woman were all the same race.
This woman then proceeded to scream out ” Ya know I will Kill all the white people in here”. Up to that point I was telling myself stay out of it….stay out of it.. but I couldn’t take her threats any longer. Since the staff was doing nothing I called 911. They took the info asked if she was armed and informed me the police were on the way. The woman left the store so I followed her, at a distance, hoping the police would be there shortly. For once I just wanted someone to be held accountable for their actions. The woman started screaming at me “You FA*#^#&OT….suck my Dick” How my sexual orientation came into this I have not figured out. She decides to hail a cab. A cab stops. She get in and I proceed to inform the driver that the cops were coming and he probably shouldn’t take the fare because I had his cab # and would be telling the police where this woman was. The cab driver asked if I was having a problem with her. I told him she just threatened to kill all the white people in the McDonalds. He immediately sped off with the woman inside. And yes they were the same race.
THE COPS AND CAB DRIVERS UNITE AGAINST ME, AND TURN ME RACIST
The cops didn’t come. I was so furious I went home and realized my internal struggle to not become that evil was rapidly rushing toward racism. I was losing the battle. How, after time and time again when a single race continuously attacks you, do you not become that very evil they are throwing at you. If I stood in the middle of that McDonalds and screamed those words of violence against them and their race, I have no doubt I would have been held accountable for my actions. Yet in this day and age if I even dare to disagree with someone of a different race I am a bigot or a racist. Well maybe the song from the musical Avenue Q is unfortunately more true than not “Everyone is a little bit Racist”