NOTE TO EVERYONE: YOU DON’T HAVE TO GET FAT ON VACATION, APPARENTLY
I just assumed I would put on some pounds every time I travelled. Apparently, I don’t have to do that…? One year I gained five pounds being in Paris for just three days. I went to Italy in August once only to find that it was too hot to do anything between the hours of 11am and 7pm so I ate and drank the whole time. Note: this is how you get fat on vacation.
Apparently there’s a better way, and this lady Annette Lang, NYC-certified personal trainer, says that there are ways to get in shape on vacation. Let’s see what she has to say and if she can convince me to eat less than half my weight in chocolate next time I’m in Belgium.
1. She says to explore your new environment through activities like city bike-shares, stairs to an observation deck or push-ups on cure park benches. Those seem like okay ideas, but what if you get too drunk at breakfast on Prosecco that any sideways movement makes you feel nauseous? What then, Annette?
2. Annette says to create your own walking tour too. I mean, am I at work or am I on vacation, Ms. Lang? I already did all the work of getting to my destination; the LEAST they could do is bring me warm dumplings directly.
3. Next idea is a doozy: do a high-intensity work-out first thing in the morning. What is this, the Soviet Union? Push-ups, squats AND burpees before I’ve even had coffee?? The only kind of burpees I should be doing on vacation follow the imbibing of many, many beers. SO THERE.
4. Okay, she says to not wait in lines, which I fully agree with. Oh wait, no. She says don’t JUST wait in line, EXERCISE in line. Is it just me or have I gotten off the bus in Crazy Town. Deep exhales and but clenches while I wait to get into the Pablo Picasso Museum?? They’re gonna think I’m a terrorist who breathes funny! Nuh uh. Not doing that.
Okay, well that was interesting. Maybe next time I’m on vacation I’ll just try to drink a little less and go to bed on the early side. Seems like a good enough compromise to me.