IN SORDID BRAWL, EDINBURGH WOMAN BITES OFF MAN’S TONGUE, SEAGULL PROMPTLY STEALS IT
So where to begin? Perhaps the cat has my tongue. Nah, not even close. But let’s begin with the brawl. A massive, usually stupid fight with a bunch of people. I’ve only ever been in one, sort of. But they can be downright dirty. People who get into them tend to lose all sense of decorum, really fast. And in a brawl in Edinburgh, Scotland, this was definitely true. With a bitter lemon twist. A woman felt she was in danger from a man, so when he got close, she kissed him. He wasn’t expecting that! But in the kiss, she bit off a piece of his tongue! Walking away, she then…. spat it out. An eager watching seagull immediately flew in and grabbed his sharp meat bit, flying away.
IN THE BRAWL, SHE LEANED IN FOR A NASTY KISS, SPITS BIT OF TONGUE OUT WALKING AWAY
So it’s not every day that a woman bites out a piece of your tongue. But in the same few seconds to have a seagull then steal that piece of your tongue? I mean, jeez. What are the odds? But I have to say, I wonder what John Wayne Bobbit’s reaction to this news is. I mean, I’m shuddering. He may need meds and even more hands on therapy. So Bobbit’s bits also tossed aside, let’s return to the sordid Scottish play- I mean brawl story. The now shorter tongue man we know as Mr. McKenzie. The Lorena here we know as Ms. Ryan.
NO CHARGES FOR SEAGULL, BUT THE KISS BITER PLED GUILTY FOR TONGUE ASSAULT AND SPITTERY
So fortunately for Mr. McKenzie, he doesn’t need any surgery. But unfortunately for Mr. McKenzie, he doesn’t need surgery because the only thing to reattach is now bird poo in someone’s parking lot. Or maybe on top of a William Wallace statue. So far, we don’t know what kind of punishment Ms. Ryan will receive. But she definitely pled guilty to assault. I’m not sure if floss was part of the evidentiary inquiry or not. The courts have deferred her sentencing so far. But not matter what, this brings all new meaning to the term tongue twister.