POSSIBLE PAINFUL ERECTIONS FROM SPIDER BITES SHUTS DOWN LOCAL AUSTRIAN SUPERMARKET
I really, really thought that I had heard all the weird news that was out there when it comes to animals interacting with humans. And by interacting, I’m not including anything behavioral like huge predators playing with humans, giving them hugs or even attacking them. I’m talking about venoms and slimes and how they do strange things to people. And no, I’m also not including strange fatalities. But I’m quite at a loss as to how I have never heard of spider bites causing dangerous erections in human men. And yes, it’s real! So real, in fact, that an Austrian Supermarket had to close because of it. Or, rather, them. Possible dangerous erections from spider bites.
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SPIDER BITES FROM THE BRAZILIAN WANDERING SPIDER CAUSE CONFLICTING ISSUES
So is this regular news coming from Austria? By no means. The affected (or afflicted) supermarket is in Krems an der Donau. And no, this isn’t normal even in this Austrian town I’ve never heard of before. But that’s because the spider involved was a Brazilian wandering spider, which you may have heard of as a banana spider. And boy, is it strangely venomous. Their bites cause a lot of excruciating pain, and can cause rapid heartbeat, diarrhea, and priapism. Priapism is what doctors call a prolonged erection that can last hours. Not surprisingly, there’s just a bit of research happening using the spider venom to treat erectile dysfunction.
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JUST IMAGINE BEING BITTEN BY A 4-INCH SPIDER AND GETTING A PAINFUL ERECTION WITH THE RUNS
And here’s another little detail for anyone who may have some degree of arachnophobia: banana spiders are s whopping 4-inches wide. Or long, depending on how you like to measure your painful erection bite response. But I’d hazard a pretty safe guess that 4-inch spiders aren’t really the norm in Austria, never mind one that has such a, ahem, broadly effective venom. The store was still closed at last word, doing “comprehensive cleaning and disinfection measures” to prevent any possible spider bites. I can’t say I’m surprised! Just imagine a spider egg sac breaking open with a thousand of these creatures looking for eager grandpas to bite.
Now, we’ll have to wait and see if E.D. researchers can figure out a way to get this venom to work without the stomach cramps and diarrhea. Now there’s an image to give any man pause.
