Justin Bieber may be playing Robin in the upcoming Batman Vs. Superman, or maybe the entire thing is an elaborate internet hoax, because the Biebs is kind of famous for really dumb pranks. It’s okay, you can stop screaming. I get it, nobody likes Justin Bieber. Nobody wants him to be Robin. I kind of don’t either, because I get scary protective of my Robin babies (they tend to die too often for my liking), but this might not be the horror story we’re all imagining.
They could do worse than cast Bieber to play Robin to Ben Affleck’s Batman. Affleck is not Christian Bale and his Batman will probably be nothing like the Dark Knight we’ve come to expect. That doesn’t mean he’ll be awful. Really, it can’t be worse than George Clooney. Very few things can be worse than the clusterfuck that is Batman & Robin.
It will probably be on level with Batman Forever. Which is bad, but not horrible. Campy but not unwatchable.
And that’s alright. After Dark Knight Rises, I’m kind of all for putting the campiness back in the Caped Crusader’s bat-utility belt. Since there is no way that an Affleck/Bieber team up won’t be unintentionally filled with camp.
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And if JB does indeed end up playing Robin, well, he’s already got some of the personality traits. Robin numero uno, the one everybody knows, the progenitor of the boy-hostage moniker: Dick Grayson. Is an acrobat. But also, a fan of bad puns and silly pranks. So the Biebs has that part down. He’s apparently also nice to sick children, sometimes, so, he could maybe pull off portraying Dick. But those are some big pixie boots to fill. Grayson is the most well known Robin in the Batman canon. In DC’s New 52 continuity, there are four (soon to be five) canonical Robins in the Earth-0 universe, but for almost every film adaptation or animated series, the Robin in question is Dick Grayson. He has been portrayed by Douglas Croft (Batman serial), Johnny Duncan (Batman and Robin serial), Burt Ward (Batman TV series), Jason Hillhouse (Batman 1989 DVD special), Chris O’Donnell (Batman Forever), Casey Kasem (The Batman/Superman Hour), Loren Lester (Batman: The Animated Series, The New Batman Adventures), Joey Simmrin (Batman: The Animated Series), Scott Menville (Teen Titans), Evan Sabara (The Batman), Jerry O’Connell (The Batman), Shane Haboucha (Justice League: The New Frontier), Crawford Wilson (Batman: the Brave and the Bold), Jeremy Shada (Batman: the Brave and the Bold), Neil Patrick Harris (Batman: Under the Red Hood), and even Jesse McCartney (Young Justice).
However, given that we have a “Robin” character, who rather fits the bill of Grayson, in Joseph Gordon Levitt from Dark Knight Rises, we very well may get one of the other three Boy Wonders.
If someone answers my prayers and he plays Robin number two, Jason Todd, well. He’s already got the bad attitude going for him lately, and the whole single mom thing. So he has quite a bit in common with the Robin Who Died. And, you know, we’d get to watch someone bludgeon him to death with a crowbar.
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Tell me you would not see that movie just to watch Justin fucking Bieber get killed. You can’t, because we all watched his CSI episode for that exact reason. He’s kind of like a real world Joffrey Baratheon. We really love to hate him. We love it so much.
It is unlikely that we’ll see the Bieb as Tim Drake, but they could go the route of the DCAU and merge Tim and Jason into one character. That’d be interesting. Damian Wayne is an unlikely choice as well, since he is currently dead, but maybe not (comics, where death is about as permanent as celebrity marriage).
Or, most likely this is all part of the hype for JB working with Funny or Die and we are nothing but alarmist crazies, shouting at ambivalent crowds with our homemade posters and Illuminati theories.
Please, sweet baby jesus let this be a part of Funny or Die.
