NICE TINDER DATE DERAILED BY FLYING POO, EMERGENCY RESCUE
Be careful who you meet up with via social media apps! It could be a crappy time for all. This week one Liam Smyth, a grad student at the University of Bristol, England, enjoyed a nice early dinner with a woman he connected with on Tinder. As the date was going well he invited her home for some wine and to watch a documentary about Scientology. As these things tend to happen, she asked to use his bathroom. As these things tend not to happen, when she returned she had “a panicked look in the eye.”
TOILET WON’T FLUSH, WOMAN GRABS POO AND THROWS OUT WINDOW, POO STUCK IN DOUBLE-PANED PURGATORY
Her seeming panic was understandable. She awkwardly explained to him that she “went for a poo in your toilet, and it would not flush.” But she then also told him that she had reached into the toilet, grabbed her poo in tissue paper and threw it out the window. Smyth so far took this in stride and gamely suggested they go outside, bag up the mislaid poo for disposal and pretend that nothing so unusual had ever happened.
Unfortunately, the story gets crappier. Smyth’s bathroom window doesn’t open to the garden, but into an 18-inch gap that is separated from the outside world by another non-opening double glazed window. “It was into this twilight zone that my date had thrown her poo,” he wrote.
GENTLEMAN GOES TO BREAK OWN WINDOW FOR POO, WOMAN THEN CLIMBS IN TO RETRIEVE POO, GETS STUCK UPSIDE DOWN
According to Smyth, when he went to get a hammer to smash the window, his date decided to climb in headfirst to retrieve the poop herself ― which she was able to do successfully. That’s when they realized she was stuck upside-down. “I grabbed her waist and I pulled. But she was stuck. Stuck fast,” Smyth wrote on his GoFundMe page. “Try as we might, we could not remove her from the window. She was stuck fast, upside down in the gap.” At that point, he called for help and an emergency crew drove up within minutes. About 15 minutes later, the woman was free.
This story might not seem to pass the, er, sniff test at first glance. However, Avon Fire And Rescue, the fire company that rescued the young woman, confirmed to the Bristol Post that they responded to a call from Smyth’s address, where they rescued a woman “trapped between interior and exterior glass.”
UPSIDE DOWN POO PEDDLER WOMAN RESCUED BY FIRE DEPARTMENT
Firefighter Chris Crothers said when he and another rescue worker arrived, he saw that the woman was “well and truly stuck” with her face squashed against the glass, according to a release on Avon Fire And Rescue’s website.
“We often find when people are stuck they can start to panic very quickly so we do our best to keep them calm until we can free them,” Crothers said in the release. “I started chatting to her and she told the whole story about how she had become stuck. “She was quite open about the whole thing – I think by then she had gone passed [sic] the point of embarrassment!”
Firefighters freed the woman from her glass prison by removing beading around the edge of the window glazing. Then they carefully removed her and lowered her to her feet.
“Although she had been upside down for some time, with the company of a few spiders, she was absolutely fine and just pleased to be free,” Crothers said. “We see strange things all the time, but this certainly has to be one of the strangest – purely because of why she was stuck.”
MAN OPENS GO FUND ME PAGE TO REPLACE BROKEN WINDOW, UPSIDE DOWN POO STICK UP STORY GETS RELEASED AS HE SEEKS MONEY RELIEF
To get her out, rescue workers had to break Smyth’s window. A replacement will cost $390 ― the same as his monthly budget ― hence the GoFundMe campaign. It seems that many people sympathize with the situation. Smyth has already received more than $2,700 in donations.
He promises to donate anything beyond the cost of replacing the window to two charities. One of them benefits firefighters, while the other, Toilet Twinning, builds and maintains flushing toilets in the developing world.
Although their first date ended up stinking to high heaven, it hasn’t swayed Smyth off a potential future with his lady friend. “She’s a lovely girl ― I’m not sure what’s going to happen ― I’m really busy with my dissertation at the moment, but I’d certainly be open to seeing her again,” he told the Daily Star.