MATTHEW WHITAKER IS A BIG, OLD-FASHIONED HUCKSTER FRAUD, AND HE’S THE ATTORNEY GENERAL
So who is this Matthew Whitaker, really? He was the Chief of Staff for Jeff Sessions. That doesn’t say much good about him. But now that he’s the acting Attorney General? That reflects poorly on all of us. But Whitaker used to be on the advisory board of a company called World Patent Marketing. There’s a lot for us to unpack about just this fact. But we will be sure to in the coming months. Can you say, again, subpoena power? Would you ever think to associate Matthew Whitaker the acting AG to Bigfoot and Large Trouser Snakes? Well, we all have to.
WHITAKER HELPED MARKET, SELL TOILET FOR WELL-ENDOWED MEN
I mean, this is just seriously weird. In association with World Patent Marketing, Whitaker helped market a product called the Masculine Toilet. And yes, you should be afraid. This thing was designed to assist “well-endowed” dudes to keep their oversized junk from touching the bowl or, um, the water in the toilet. Part of the product’s marketing included factoids like the average size of a man’s junk being 5-6 inches long. But for those, ahem, swinging lower, that toilet was their godot send. But, oh, is there more.
AUTHORITIES SHUT DOWN WHITAKER’S COMPANY FOR FRAUD WITH MAJOR FINES
So what else, you ask? Bigfoot. The company also sold Bigfoot dolls. But their sales pitch included the claim that they had DNA evidence proving he really exists. So sign me up for Santa! I want to believe! But Whitaker’s old company was also a total fraud and scam. So much so that authorities shut them down. But authorities also levied fines of $26 million! They got fined a full million more than Trump U! So let’s all get ready for what comes next, which is gonna be a lot. A lot. A lot. Sorry, Jim Carey moment there. But when Democrats in Congress get their subpoena power, we are in for a show. At the least, a shit show of well endowed men.