Watch Your Heads, Amazon Helicopter Drones Are Coming

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Watch Your Heads, Amazon Helicopter Drones Are Coming

Amazon drones are coming

Drones, drones, drones. It’s all the kids want to talk about these days. Why, when drones aren’t killing people across the world, they’re being used for all sorts of look-what-happens-when-I-attach-a-camera-to-this-thing purposes. Endlessly fascinating, these things. I mean, besides semi-rural Pakistanis with questionable ties to terrorism, who DOESN’T love drones?

As it turns out, not — yes, the same online retailer than promises books for one goddam penny are you kidding me a book for a penny how the f*ck am I supposed to make a living as a writer goddam you Jeff Bezos is now promising, at some point in 2015, the ability for people to order delivery by drones. Here, I’ll let Gamespot tell you about it:

“The goal of the new delivery service is to have packages delivered to shoppers in 30 minutes or less. The 8-propeller ‘octocopter’ drones Amazon plans to use for the service are about the size of a remote-controlled airplane and are capable of carrying shoebox-sized packages of up to 5lbs. This covers 86 percent of the items Amazon delivers, Bezos said.


The drones are completely unmanned and will rely on GPS to deliver their packages. Early prototypes are capable of flying 10 miles from an Amazon fulfillment center, which would cover a ‘very significant portion of the population’ in urban areas, Bezos said. Prime Air won’t work for larger and bulkier products, of course, like kayaks and tablesaws.”

So, in effect, you can have that book about the middle/working class being systematically erased delivered to you by the very machine that is erasing the middle/working class (well, kind of). No need for deliverymen anymore — there’s simply a robot to take their place. Soon we’ll be nothing more than living, breathing renditions of Bob Seger’s “Feel Like a Number” — the lyrics of which specifically call out drones (despite the album coming out 30 years ago, but we can gloss over that). Perhaps Bob knew that one day in the future we’d all just be punching the clock and not going out there to carouse and be free spirits anymore. Not like the ’80s, man!

Look at these lyrics:

I feel like just another
Spoke in a great big wheel
Like a tiny blade of grass
In a great big field
To workers I’m just another drone
To Ma Bell I’m just another phone
I’m just another statistic on a sheet
To teachers I’m just another child
To IRS I’m just another file
I’m just another consensus on the street
Gonna cruise out of this city
Head down to the sea
Gonna shout out at the ocean
Hey it’s me
And I feel like a number
Feel like a number
Feel like a stranger
A stranger in this land
I feel like a number
I’m not a number
I’m not a number
Dammit I’m a man
I said I’m a man

What did Bob Seger know that we didn’t? Did Bob see the future before we did? Are we nothing but numbers, figures on a spreadsheet, awaiting our pitiful deliveries by flying helicopters that may or may not fall from the sky and hit us on the head with our own hubris? Who are we anymore? Are we workers and consumers or are we artists and creators? Who will watch “The Watchmen”? Is this thing on? Can I have a cheeseburger? These are the questions of our time, ladies and gentlefolk.

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