GENIUS RATS TAKE OVER WASHINGTON, DC
So sure, we can all make jokes about this one. But rats are a serious problem and have been for all of modern human history. So far we don’t know if these rats are legal or not. But experts are having trouble separating them from their freedom. Don’t think it’s just the rats on K-Street that are the problem! And besides, these are genius rats, not establishment ones. These are Rattus Norvegicus. You know them as the brown rat. But their population in DC is growing fast and the recent mild winters have only made it worse. Washington, DC is infested and there’s no way around it. We have to drain the swamp!
INFESTED DC NOW #4 RATTIEST CITY IN US, SIGN OF THE TIMES
So DC is now top 4 in the US when it comes to rat problems. First up is Chicago, which is a surprise tome. The rats there don’t seem to mind the winter, making Chicago #1 four years in a row. Maybe the sewers there are old-school,European style? Second Rattiest City isNew York City, third is Los Angeles. But we don’t really know what the numbers are. What we do know is how many people call the rat helpline and how much that has increased. The most troubled neighborhoods saw a rise in complaints of 25-74%. That’s a lot.
GENIUS RATS ADAPT FASTER THAN THE SAVVIEST K-STREET LOBBYIST
So how are these guys geniuses? Well, these rats adapt fast. And the DC rats have adapted really, really fast. Despite city workers using any and everything, from poison to dry ice, they are failing. But just a few months ago, a security cam captured a rat pulling a fire alarm. That caused everyone to evacuate an apartment building! But DC has more people, especially in these ratty neighborhoods, than it ever has before. More people means more garbage. But that means more rats. So it’s time to clean up Washington!