MAN FARTS AT MORE THAN GENERAL DIRECTION OF VIENNA POLICE, POLICE FINE MAN
So much for policing being a breeze, especially these days. So many things these days are silent, but deadly. You know, the pandemic? But recent news from across the Atlantic Ocean now include police in Vienna assessing a fine for less than airy reasons. Yes, that’s right. Viennese police just fined a man for farting at them. Intentionally. Actually, the quote is, “with full intent.” Um, wow. So much to say, so little roughage. I mean, it’s a rough age, these days. And yes, this is slightly unusual. Like, what the hell? Since when is it a crime to fart? Even with full intent?
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FARTING WITH FULL INTENT AT VIENNA POLICE IS NOW OFFENDING THE PUBLIC DECENCY, K?
So what category does farting at police with full intent fall into? Well, for “offending public decency.” Ok. What the hell does that mean? If farting in public is offending the public’s sense of decency, we are all owing some money to the fart windmill. I mean, airy authorities. So anyways, the silent but deadly treatment happened on June 5th. It took that long for the stench to make its way over to North America. Vienna police have tried to explain, saying, “of course no one is reported for accidentally ‘letting one go.’” Really? So what does intent have to do with anything when it comes to farting?
ALL BUTTS ASIDE, VIENNA POLICE SHOULD BAYBE TURN THEIR NOSES UP NEXT TIME
Police also said that the man they fined had also been acting “provocatively and uncooperatively.” He behaved this way when he had an encounter with police that day. That’s all that we really know. Except that the man stood up from a park bench and “let go a massive intestinal wind apparently with full intent. And our colleagues don’t like to be farted at so much.” Right. Butt who does? But the fine stinks even more than the fart, at $565. Now that is silent and deadly. So for all those folks who can fart on command, take note. Breaking wind could mean breaking the law, too. Of course, I suspect the Vienna farting suspect will win on appeal. It’s the general direction of the wind.