US GEOLOGICAL SURVEY HAS TO SAY NO, DON’T ROAST MARSHMALLOWS OVER KILAUEA VENTS
Like all things hugs, fantastic and threatening, the Kilauea eruption has people reacting in all sorts of ways. But also as usual, some of those reactions are beyond stupid. Take, for instance, the following tweet someone sent to the US Geological Survey. “Is it safe to roast marshmallows over volcanic vents? Assuming you had a long enough stick, that is? Or would the resulting marshmallows be poisonous?” The short answer is um, no. The longer answer is hell no! But you knew that, right? Right? So anyways the USGS had to take some time off from issuing serious updates about the eruption to respond to this Twitter user.
BESIDES BEING REALLY STUPID, USGS SAYS IT WOULD TASTE BAD, MAYBE BE HORRIBLE POISON
The USGS reply was succinct as well, and about as deservedly kind. “Erm,” the USGS replied. “We’re going to have to say no, that’s not safe. (Please don’t try!)” But besides being a stupid question, roasting marshmallows over a volcanic vent wouldn’t even taste good. These vents release sulfur dioxide and hydrogen sulfide. Both of those smell way, way bad. But even more dangerous is the sulfuric acid from the volcanic smog, aka, vog, could cause a “pretty spectacular reaction,” according to the USGS.
IF YOU MUST BE STUPID, DO IT FAR AWAY FROM ACTIVE VOLCANO
But roasting marshmallows over a Kilauea vent is the least of what’s been on the USGS plate in recent weeks. They’ve had to issue strong warnings since the eruption started. Many residents have had to flee for their lives from the nearby Leilani Estates and Lanipuna Gardens. More and more fissures have continued to open. The lava coming out also reached the ocean, creating dangerous and toxic clouds. It’s the stuff that can kill you, utterly and painfully. Beyond the homes that have been destroyed and all the evacuations, let’s all use some common sense and keep marshmallows out of this. Actually, if you are near any of these vents, you should get out of there too. Stay alive. Make a campfire miles and miles away and do your s’mores thang.