TRUMP FAN ORDERED TO FIND, FIGHT ALL “LIZARD PEOPLE”
This is an example of politics making people crazy. Perhaps even about people being crazy stupid. Washington State had a recent scare when a man stopped his Jeep Cherokee right in the middle of a busy intersection. He jumped out and scared everyone when he started waving an AK-47 around. Even scarier, he was yelling about all the lizard people. This is what happens when you give a Trump fan morphine and crystal meth. Don’t snort meth, it’s bad for you.
DON’T SNORT METH AND OBEY TRUMP’S VOICE
How does politics play into this? The man believed that Donald Trump commanded him to go out and fight all the lizard people. It’s possible that crystal meth may have had something to do with the Trump fan’s behavior. The man also had a prescription for morphine. What could go wrong? The answer is, a lot.
LIZARD PEOPLE INVISIBLE WITHOUT STRONG DRUGS
We don’t know if the man was feeling a bit tight in the belt, leading him to snort some meth. Normally, meth plays havoc with a body’s energy levels. If you combine that with prescription morphine, you might find yourself getting bible-style commandments from Donald Trump. Be warned, if you take these drugs, you might hear Trump’s voice. It will tell you to go fight all the lizard people. If you snort meth and take prescription morphine, don’t listen to Trump’s voice.
TRUMP FAN SURRENDERED TO POLICE, MOSTLY
Police arrived on the scene and found the man still with his AK-47, but also with a loaded Ruger. Despite the lizard people rant, the man immediately put his guns back in his Cherokee when he saw the armed police. The sheriff’s department issued the following:
The man immediately laid on the ground and started to scream about ‘sending in the news’ and about ‘the lizard people. As our patrol deputy and a trooper attempted to place him in handcuffs, he suddenly pulled away his arms and tried to resist being handcuffed while continuing to scream.
RANT PAUSED FOR BRIEF TASING, HANDCUFFS
The police then had to Taser and handcuff the man to secure the scene. Once subdued and cuffed, the Trump fan continued to explain where he was coming from. The police statement resumed:
The man went on to describe how President Trump had called his house in Eatonville and warned him that the lizard people were coming and that the alpha dragon had already taken his family hostage,” the sheriff’s department said. “He said he had stopped in the intersection because he was surrounded by the lizard people and need to fight them as directed by the President. He said he was screaming and making a scene in the intersection in order to ‘attract the news vans’ and so ‘his story could be documented for history.’
MENTAL EVALUATION IN PROCESS, BUT STILL, DON’T SNORT METH
Let’s all consider it documented, eh? The deranged meth and morphine addled Trump fan came prepared with other weapons. Police also found a wooden baseball bat as well as five prepped magazines for the automatic gun in the Cherokee. Officials are evaluating mental state of the 54-year-old lizard people crusader. There’s no word on William Shatner missing from his stomping grounds in Canada.