Town Ponders Drone-Hunting Permits — Better Watch Your Heads

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Town Ponders Drone-Hunting Permits — Better Watch Your Heads

There is nothing so wonderful as a tale of dumb white people buying permits they don’t need for a thing they can’t do, because the thing is impossible and would be super illegal if it could be accomplished.

To gladden your heart at the beginning of the first full week of unofficial fall, we humbly submit the tale of one small Colorado town where white people are lining up to buy hunting permits to shoot down unmanned drones.

In Deer Trail, Colorado, one resident had the idea of issuing permits to hunters as a form of protest against the seeming popularity of unmanned aircraft in commercial and government use.

The small town, which lies about 50 miles east of Denver, is poised to vote on the legality of the ordinance next month. However, the town has already been inundated with requests from as far away as Britain for the drone-hunting permits. The clerk in charge of handling the requests claims to have lost count at 985.

While the movement appears to have started as a lark, the Federal Aviation Administration has taken a dim view, releasing a statement warning of the consequences of firing at drones, which the city may be encouraging by attaching a $1,000 bounty for each downed craft.


“Shooting at an unmanned aircraft could result in criminal or civil liability, just as would firing at a manned airplane,” the statement said.

According to the Denver Post, “The FAA is working on regulations to safely integrate drones into the skies over the U.S., where manned aircraft are prevalent. Congress gave the FAA until 2015 to develop the regulations, but the agency is behind schedule.”

Now seems like a good time to point out that a drone, known as an unmanned aerial vehicle (UAV), typically flies between a range of 1500 and 15,200 meters. The best long-range rifles approved for civilian use typically fire at a maximum range of about one mile, which is 1600 meters. Even in the unlikely event that a drone would be flying within the window of the lowest 100 meters that a rifle could hit, accuracy at that distance from even the most professionally-trained marksman is almost an impossible feat to achieve.

The problem with such epic jackassery is that when you fire bullets into the air these projectiles inevitably make their way back down to earth, always at high speed and often with deadly consequences.

This is known as Newton’s 3rd law of redneckery.


It seems easy then to understand why the ordinance, which city officials decided to put before the town’s 380 registered voters next month, has been the subject of such harsh criticism. Presumably sane people do not want to live with the constant threat of impending doom literally hanging over their heads.

However, city resident Phillip Steel, who proposed the original idea of the hunting license, says that he will go on selling the “novelty” permits online. Thus far, he has taken orders for more than 150.

If the measure is passed, the town stands to make a substantial amount of revenue. They have attached a $25 fee to the permits. From the checks collected thus far, city hall estimates potential revenue of about $25,000.

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