STAY SANE AND BE TIPSY
Most people look forward to the holidays. Particularly the break from their mundane lives. But most people do not look forward to spending time with family over the holidays. Here are some tips to stay sane over the break. Stay sane, be tipsy, smile and nod, and be chillin’ like a villain in an ugly Christmas sweater.
ALWAYS BE DRINKING BOOZE
The best advice I ever got was to always have alcohol in my drink. I tried it one year and I have been practicing this method ever since. Step one: Bailey’s in my coffee. Step two: vodka in my orange juice. Step three: rum balls. Step four: wine. Step five: prosecco. Step six: sleep. It’s perfect. Tipsy and not drunk, so take tiny sips to sustain the effect. If my great aunt Sophie talks at me about how my life sucks…it doesn’t really matter because I’m tipsy. When I’m tipsy, I have a Zen like feeling. So, please proceed with caution with the best advice I ever got. Especially if you have a drinking problem. If so, you should just skip this paragraph entirely.
MEDITATE DOING THE DISHES. ALONE.
Stay busy. Help out with dinner. Cook dinner. Clean all the dishes. Trust me, you will be on your own. It’s totally meditative and again, you will be all alone with the dishes. Especially if you say, “Don’t worry about it, let me handle all the dishes. It’s my gift to everyone.” What they don’t know is that it’s a gift to you. The gift of peace and get out of my face and stop bothering me great aunt Sophie. Your ugly Christmas sweater is uglier than mine.
HAPPY DUMB IS THE WAY TO BE
Choose to be “Happy dumb”. It basically means, smile and nod. Don’t talk politics or religion. But everyone knows that already. If Uncle Joe starts talking at you about how you could have done this with your life or something else that nags at you…Seriously, all you need to do is smile and nod. I also have another trick. Actually, it’s kind of brilliant. When Uncle Joe is talking to you, look at his ear instead of his eyes. It will drive him bonkers.
WEAR AN UGLY CHRISTMAS SWEATER, SMILE AND NOD
So, there you have it. Get your ugly sweaters, your mini bar, your dish gloves and your “happy dumb” face packed and ready to go. Good luck and…enjoy the holidays!