PLEASE DON’T DIP YOUR TESTICLES IN MY SALSA, PLEASE PLEASE
So we all know that whenever we eat out, there are some risks. But besides the obvious, this is not one of our general concerns. Sure, sometimes staff do stupid and disgusting things to our food. But usually that’s in response to us being assholes. So while this doesn’t involve an asshole, per se, it taint that far away. A man in Tennessee is in some trouble for allegedly dipping his testicles into salsa that he then served to a customer. See? Taint that far away from the other…
TESTICLE DIPPING FALLS UNDER “OFFENSIVE TOUCHING” FOR SURE
The man’s name is Howard Matthew Webb. The 31-year-old pleaded guilty, but to an amended charge of misdemeanor assault/ offensive touching. So I suppose offensive touching is how you legally describe dipping your testicles into salsa. But evidently, Webb made the mistake of laughing during his hearing. So the Blount County General Sessions Court Judge Robert Headrick snapped, “What are you laughing about, Mr. Webb? There is nothing about this situation I find cute or funny. It’s abhorrent!” So I may beg to differ about that. But it was clearly not a smart move. But neither is dipping your testicles into people’s food.
TENNESSEE TESTICLE DIPPER LAUGHED IN COURT AFTER GUILTY PLEA, IDIOT
Webb evidently laughed after he entered his guilty plea. So how did this happen? Webb didn’t work at the restaurant. But he did tag along with a friend who was a delivery driver. She’s the one who recorded him in the teabagging act. But then she posted the video online! So police arrested Webb and had initially charged him with felony adulteration of food, liquids or pharmaceuticals. Sure, that’s a mouthful, right? But why did she post it? It was because he only tipped her 89 cents for a half hour drive. As you can imagine, she’s out of a job. Webb is on probation.