How To Survive Flying

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 How To Survive Flying Ticket Included

Remember when flying was something fun and fancy?

Remember when you looked forward to being shipped across the world in a luxurious plane? Remember when it was a sign of success to be flying somewhere? Well, I don’t.

 It used to be that you arrived at the airport knowing, for sure, that your plane was going to leave at the time stated on your ticket. It used to be that you knew you would be fed on an airplane, even if the food wasn’t exactly gourmet. It used to be that you knew the people at the help desk ACTUALLY wanted to help you. WHAT. HAS. HAPPENED.

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Here are some of the ways that airports and airplanes have become literal circles of hell:

  1. You arrive at the airport and find out your flight has been cancelled, but no one, absolutely no one, tries to help you. They are a budget airline after all, and they know that one bad review from you will not hurt them in the end. They may be the physical representatives of this big, abstract corporation, but they are under no actual obligation to help you. So they don’t!
  2. You try to buy a new plane ticket right there in the airport, because you are THERE after all, and you think it MUST be faster to get a new plane ticket there in person then trying to do it online. Well, you would be wrong! Turns out, nobody buys plane tickets at the airport anymore, silly! So there are literally no personnel manning the ticketing counters. NO PEOPLE WHATSOEVER.
  3. So you try to buy your ticket online, because apparently that is the one and only way to buy airline tickets now. This would be fine, HOWEVER, you have miles with one company, which has merged with some other company, and do they still take your miles? And if they do, how do you use them on the website? And it would be SO GREAT to be able to ask a real human these questions but OH NO nobody fucking works here anymore, oh well, you’re on your own, figure out BITCH.


The Nightmare Before Christmas: The United States Postal Service

  1.  You figure out how to buy your new ticket (phew), and you are ready to check-in, yay! You go over to the check-in counters and no one is there. they aren’t OPEN yet, because apparently they ALSO think it’s stupid to be at the airport hella early. They are probably right about that one, though.
  2. Ok, you’re checked-in, you’re through security, you’re feeling ok again. So you think, let’s try getting a refund for that flight, that first one, that was inexplicably cancelled, right out from under you. So you call the third-party website that you originally booked through (because it was SO much cheaper), but they say oops! Sorry! You’re going to have to call the airline directly to get a refund, it’s THEIR fault the flight was cancelled. So you call the original airline and they say oops! Sorry! You didn’t book through us originally, so you’re going to have to contact that third-party website if you want to get a refund! So you call the third-party website back and you fill out some form and they say they will get back to you in four to six week.
  3. All you can do now is pray.
  4. You become religious again.
  5. Your life is ruined.
  6. P.s. don’t ever fly Norwegian Air.
  7. And don’t ever book flights through
  8. You’re welcome.

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