Ohio’s Supreme Court Says Boneless Chicken Can Have… Bones?

OHIO’S SUPREME COURT SAYS BONES IN BONELESS CHICKEN IS TOTALLY FINE

I’m not a huge chicken eater, which in this case seems to be a positive circumstance for me. There’s just something about the mass production of chicken meat that seems a bit unhealthy to me. That, and raw chicken meat is all kinds of disgusting, similar to liver but paler. But if I did eat chicken, and I did live in the state of Ohio, I’d have even more concern about the insanely popular white meat. It seems, in all the glorious judicial wisdom at its hand, that Ohio’s Supreme Court has decided that boneless chicken sold and eaten there can actually have bones in it.

RULING IN RESPONSE TO PATRON INJURED BY BONES IN BONELESS CHICKEN SUING RESTAURANT

Sure, accidents happen in food all the time. I’ve had the horror more than once of having bits of chicken meat in Chinese food and on pizza by accident multiple times. But this ruling leaves more than that bad taste in the public’s mouth, as it creates a firm and very legal (in Ohio’s borders, anyway) reality that all chicken dishes that a consumer chose to eat for being boneless chicken should expect the very real possibility of…. bones. The ruling came in response to a patron who sued a restaurant who ordered boneless chicken in the form of wings and suffered serious injuries from, well, bones.

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COURT EXPLAINED THAT CHICKEN FINGERS DON’T HAVE FINGERS, SO BONELESS CHICKEN…. HAS BONES?

Well, that patron is out of luck, with the very decided and final ruling of Ohio’s Supreme Court. So is there anything in the details that could explain this legal logic? Well, sure. The kind of logic you’d expect from…. Ohio. Justice Joseph T. Deters wrote this to explain the majority’s decision: “A diner reading ‘boneless wings’ on a menu would no more believe that the restaurant was warranting the absence of bones in the items than believe that the items were made from chicken wings, just as a person eating ‘chicken fingers’ would know that he had not been served fingers.”

Uh, what? Even for Ohio, this is absurd. Chicken fingers is an expression, not a declaration of a chicken’s fingers (btw, chickens don’t have fingers). But now, restaurants and food product makers can now blatantly lie about boneless chicken, making it a hazard for all. But especially children.