Don’t Eat or Suck on the Titty Fruit, No Matter What

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Don’t Eat or Suck on the Titty Fruit, No Matter What

YES, THE TITTY FRUIT IS REAL!  BUT DON’T EVER EAT IT OR SUCK ON IT, NO MATTER THE TEMPTATION

As a fan of certain episodes of Beavis and Butthead, I feel like something has been missing.  Something big (bit actually small).  But something incredibly important to the genre of the real that is ridiculous.  But too real, if you are familiar with any of the Cornholio episodes.  But even if you don’t know anything about Cornholio, you’ll still probably understand.  Because what has been missing from my life is an awareness that there is such a thing as the Titty fruit.  And yes, it’s real!  It actually exists.  But no matter the temptation, you can’t eat it.  And no, you can’t suck on it, either.

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NATURE’S OWN FORBIDDEN FRUIT, THE TITTY FRUIT IS POISONOUS YET DELECTABLE LOOKING

The Titty fruit also has a latin name, of course.  It is Solanum mammosum.  But it’s a weird one, of course, being related to both the tomato and the potato.  Obviously it looks amazing and tempting.  Just knowing it exists makes you want to let your primitive reflex fly and to just put it into your mouth.  But there’s something slightly Old Testament about the Titty Fruit.  Because it is, of course, total poisonous unless you prepare it properly first.  You could consider it, um, forbidden fruit without preparatory foreplay.

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TITTY FRUIT IS POISONOUS, BUT CAN ALSO BE USED AS AN INSECTICIDE AND EVEN LAUNDRY DETERGENT

One reason you should never eat it is because the Titty fruit can also serve as laundry detergent for your clothes.  And yes, that is similar to the soap nut, which is also a detergent alternative.  But unlikethesoap nut, the Titty fruit is way, way more powerful.  In Columbia an Ecuador, the Kofan people actually use the forbidden fruit as an insect repellant, mostly for cockroaches!  And here I thought the only thing cockroaches respected was bleach!  But it works, because of it’s toxic levels of steroidal glycoalkaloid.  So if you want to actually eat it, you have to boil the whole fruit, unripe, and drink the juices afterward.

But no matter what you do, don’t eat or suck on the Titty fruit!  It might be the last thing you ever do.

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