Straight Pride Organizers Receive Envelopes Full of Glitter, Call 911

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Straight Pride Organizers Receive Envelopes Full of Glitter, Call 911

STRAIGHT PRIDE MARCH ORGANIZERS GET SUSPICIOUS ENVELOPES, CALL 911, BECAUSE GLITTER

Ok.  So here we go.  Did you hear about the Straight Pride event?  It’s a march that certain folks wanted to be a yuuuge success.  But that’s another story.  Essentially, it was a march to celebrate the pride of straight people.  Because straight people feel like they’re a minority.  So yeah, pretty stupid  But the stupid, straight pride organizers received envelopes in the mail.  They were full of glitter.  So yes, a glitter bomb of sorts.  But just glitter.  But like straights from the 1970’s and 80’s -and today still, I guess- the idea of receiving anything that might be gay contagious is too terrifying  So the organizers called 911.  Because glitter da bomb that’s just too scary.

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GLITTER BOMBS A COMMON FORM OF PROTEST BY LGBTQ COMMUNITY TO HATEFUL STRAIGHTS

So ok, to be fair the organizers didn’t actually open the envelopes.  They seemed suspicious because they were full of what they described as a “granular” substance.  The name of the group behind the Straight Pride March is Super Happy Fun America.  So when they saw envelopes, with granular contents sans any return address, they were less than super happy and had no fun at all.  But even for them, this remained a for some time.  Super Happy Fun America’s treasurer, Samson Racioppi, told media that the whole situation was a “huge inconvenience.”

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WHY DON’T WE HAVE GLITTER TANKS AT NEXT INDEPENDENCE DAY PARADE?  NOW THAT’S PRIDE

But Racioppi had no idea what the envelopes contained.  Well, not until he saw it on the news.  Oops.  So now what?  You guessed it, Racioppi describes his whole Straight Pride group as victims.  Yup.  So why did you think someone would send you something dangerous in the mail?  Why would you think that?  Could it be that you think of yourselves as important?  Hmmm.  But Racioppi did try to be generous, saying that he wouldn’t wish this kind of violence on anyone.  So now a glitter bomb is a form of violence.  Ok.  Too bad Trump had no glitter on his fancy, big gunned tanks.  We could all be proud of that, right?

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