Why Are Trump Admin Staff Stocking Up On Toilet Paper?

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Why Are Trump Admin Staff Stocking Up On Toilet Paper?

UH OH! TRUMP ADMIN STAFFERS ARE STOCKING UP ON TOILET PAPER, STASHING CASH AT HOME

Since the Covid-19 pandemic, everything has been strange.  It’s almost as if both the individual and collective ability to function has changed on some fundamental level.  Doesn’t it feel like your linear sense of time and understanding took a major hit during the pandemic?  But it sure is easy to remember some things from during the pandemic.  Like how anxious everyone was, and how it took so long to get some things because of shortages, aka “supply chain issues.”  And toilet paper was a big one that people really stressed about finding.  So it’s a little concerning to read in Rolling Stone Magazine that Trump staffers are seriously stocking up on toilet paper.  Like, now.  But why?

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TRUMP SAYS EVERYTHING IS GREAT AND GOING ACCORDING TO HIS BRILLIANT PLAN(S)

And why is the question we all suddenly have a more pressing need to understand.  Because according to some, ahem, orangely tinged leaders, there are over 200 “deals” he’s made and everything is just rosy.  So why are his staffers stocking up on perishables like toilet paper, and why are they also “stashing cash” at home?  What do they know that we don’t?  A lot, apparently.  And that’s pretty darn concerning for the rest of us who don’t have “cash” to “stash” at home, and have families that need a steady supply of things like toilet paper.  Oh, and food!  You know, stuff like that.

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IF WE’RE STARTING A TRADE WAR WITH NO PANDEMIC, TOILET PAPER IS THE CANARY IN THE COAL MINE

According to Rolling Stone, one aide answered the question “why” with, “Because it would be stupid not to!”  Uh, is it time to panic, yet?  Because everything is “fantastic” coming out of Washington.  And we are “winning” like we’ve never won before.  But it sure does seem like it just might be time for literally everyone else who has a day job to start panicking.  Hard.  Because if we’re talking about toilet paper and general perishables shortages and it’s not a pandemic and we’re just starting a trade war, we are all Wile E. Coyote and we’re about to realize we passed the cliff.

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