“OMG! You look AMAZING! You are SO lucky! I wish I had your body!!! Uggghhh!!!! How do you stay SO skinny!?” — every girl I know.
The body of a model is not something one should strive for. It’s actually insane. Our body is our next paycheck! If you want to lose weight to be healthy, get fit or gain a newfound self-confidence, by all means, do it. But to aim to have the body of a high-fashion model, while being an accountant, a lifeguard, a doctor, a Realtor or any other respectable contributing member of society is just NOT realistic.
Models are built, trained and worked to fit sample size clothing (sizes 2-4 in European measurements) and to be in front of a camera in said sizes 80 to 90 percent of their careers, however long they last (most girls last two or three seasons). Don’t even me started on the seasonal weight loss these already “thin” girls have to experience every Fashion Week they work (10-15 pounds less than they normally are), that’s a completely different thing. You want a “hot” body? Listen to Britney: “You betta WERQ, bitch!”
Let’s make you a model. You’ve got a major photo shoot coming up for an international, well-known lingerie company. You HAVE to look the part!
First things first: Goodbye SALT and almost ALL white foods. These foods cause puffiness, water retention, and of course, happiness. Specifically, we are talking about processed sugar, starches, non-complex carbohydrates, anything dairy, and fish is the only meat on the menu. Bread? Pasta? Hell naw, not gonna happen! And I’m sorry, did you think fast food was an option? Sorry, but nope. These overly processed treats, Chipotle included, all have hidden preservatives that ruin any strict diet regimen. Moving on …
After you’ve got the wrong foods out, it’s time to “work it out!” Cardio, cardio and more cardio — that’s the name of the game. Weight lifting? No. No. No. We only use our natural body weight as resistance! Toning up is what we’re doing here, NOT bulking up! Burn that excess fat, you MUST fit the clothes! By the way, your personal trainer is going to become your best friend! Don’t believe me? I’ve dated six of mine! So boxing, speed walking, jump rope, distance running, trampoline workouts, tumbling, yoga and kick-boxing are all in! Got that? Good!
Let’s not forget nutrition now. Your hair, skin, nails, and muscle tone have to be perfect, too! The perfect diet for that Victoria’s Secret physique would be a vegan/pescatarian/Paleo blend; organic, natural, barely cooked and with very little seasoning, if any. Do you miss your cheesecake yet? How about alcohol? Too bad! This all-natural, nearly raw, organic-blended diet will provide that ideal bikini body that the media has engrained in our minds the past two decades or so. You’re almost ready!
Lastly, but almost the most important, is your vitamin intake! Vitamin C and the antioxidants are the most important, as they ward off any sickness/health issues, plus they help your cells regenerate giving you clearer skin and an immaculate immune system. Biotin will help your hair, skin and nails stay on point, while your amino acids will aid in the definition of your muscle tone, making you camera-ready! And don’t drink your calories; water and unsweetened teas are your BFF’s now! How’d you do? Scared? Still want it?
This is all general — there’s an exception to every rule. Some 15-year-old Lithuanian girl is out there having her third Whopper right now … while booking a major Givenchy campaign. My experience is the rule.
So do you still want to look like a model? If so, this life just may be right for you. If not, remember to water your own grass before thinking someone else’s is greener than yours.