HOW-TO SPRING CLEANING WITHOUT WANTING TO KILL YOURSELF, SUCK LESS
All of our apartments are filth buckets. Don’t deny it, you know it’s true. And now it’s spring! Which means everyone (that means YOU, Jimmy!) needs to get to cleaning. Spring cleaning is a thing because there is no way to self-motivate in the winter. In the spring, however, it is warm and pleasant and a lot more things seem bearable. Like cleaning! So even if it’s now summer, let’s get to it! Here are some good things to remember to clean and some good ways to go at it that won’t kill you.
1. Take all the things out of your closet that you haven’t worn in the past year and GET RID OF THEM. Which does not mean throw them away. It means SELL THEM to a local consignment shop OR DONATE THEM to Goodwill.
2. Clean all of the things in your apartment that you have never cleaned. For me it would be: the bathroom floor under the bathtub, the floor under and around the fridge, the floor under the couch (I am seeing a pattern emerge…) and, obviously, the floor under my bed. That means, get out that vacuum, get out all those attachments, and make them WORK FOR YOU.
3. Then clean the kitchen and the bathroom like there is no tomorrow. Use every substance known to man, put on some thick rubber gloves and make that shit SPARKLE. These are the two areas you use the most and so they should be incredibly clean.
4. Clean INSIDE the fridge. All those drawers, all that food just sitting there. GET RID OF OLD FOOD and then clean every surface. This will make you feel so good, I promise.
5. Clean windows and mirrors all over the apartment. Ever wondered what was wrong with the outside world? Well it’s not the outside world that’s the problem, it’s your dirty ass windows that are grimy AF. So get on that, but don’t lean out of any windows. Spring cleaning IS NOT worth falling out of a window for.
6. Last tip: get out an old pillow case, spray your ceiling fan with some sort of strong cleaning solution, put that pillow case over each individual blade and SCRUB SCRUB SCRUB. You will get all the grime off the fan AND none of it will land on whatever sits below it.
Oh yeah, YOU’RE WELCOME. Let’s make the world a cleaner place!