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You Might Be Spending More Time Masturbating Than Actually Having Sex

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YOU MIGHT BE SPENDING MORE TIME MASTURBATING THAN ACTUALLY HAVING SEX

The search for the meaning of life has burnt up a good deal of caloric energy in the greatest minds that have existed. Some believe God put us here to do good work, and prove our worth, while others look toward the natural world and the cosmos for answers. Art, music, poetry and the sciences are some of the vocations that offer searchers of truth noble pursuits while they look for beauty and meaning in this life.

Yet despite all of the grand schemes that humanity has come up with in an attempt to explain why we’re here, a lot of the business of living is really just about killing time. With the average human life expectancy creeping up to, and even past, the age of 80 in many places, you and I are probably going to spend a lot of time on routine tasks that have nothing to do with answering the “big” questions. Keeping the mundane in mind, I thought I’d take a look at a few of the less-than-amazing life activities we waste our precious time with.

Deleting Spam

According to researchers at the National Technology Readiness Survey, email consumers spend an average of 1.4 minutes a day deleting unwanted spam, or 8 hours and 51 minutes per year. The overall effect adds up to almost 22 billion dollars lost per annum due to wasted time. Spammers, it seems, are snatching hours and money away from our lives.

Downloading Porn

Like porn? Well, you’re not alone. Around  (maybe a little less, maybe a little more) Americans visit porn sites on a regular basis, which is very easy to do, since 4 to 10 percent (statistics vary) of all online sites are porn related. According to , and the authors of “A Billion Wicked Thoughts,” 10 to 15 percent of all search engine queries are for porn. What this means is that the average male (the largest consumer of porn) probably spends more time watching other people have sex than having sex himself.

Solo Sex

There’s a reason why the hand gesture for masturbation is used to indicate something that’s a complete waste of time. As pleasurable and stress relieving as hand-to-gland combat might be, it doesn’t actually help propagate the species. According to the Kinsey Institute, masturbation frequency varies between men and women (men do it more) by quite a lot, as well as by age.

Taking a low average of twice a week, for 10 minutes per session, and assuming the fun starts around the age of 13 or 14, the average male will spend 58,560 minutes, or more than 40 days of his life, masturbating by the time he turns 75. And with the advent of Viagra, he might be able to “keep it up” well into his 90s. It’s really up to you to decide if that’s a whole lot of wasted time — or minutes, hours and days well spent.

Stuck in Traffic

According to the Annual Urban Mobility Report from Texas A&M’s Transportation Institute, the typical American commuter spends 38 hours per year waiting in traffic jams. If you live in Washington, D.C., Los Angeles or San Francisco, you’ll spend more than 60 hours per year stuck in gridlock. With figures like that, I think I understand road rage a little better now.

Tweeting

Are you on Twitter? Feel like you don’t tweet enough, or perhaps too much? According to Sysomos Inc., about 85% of all Twitter users post less than once a day. In addition, more than 50% of Twitter posts are made through other applications, like TweetDeck, rather than Twitter itself. And if you feel bad about the number of followers you have compared to Kanye West (more than 10 million followers), don’t sweat it. Around 93% of all Twitter users have 100 followers or less. Tweeting, as it turns out, doesn’t have to take over your entire life.

Pooping

The average human being will spend approximately two to three years (collectively, not all together) of his or her life pooping. Hey, there’s no reason to be ashamed. We’ve all got to do it. If you’re not a speed pooper, take a magazine or an iPad into the loo and make good use of your time on the throne.

Looking at Screens

The research firm eMarketer estimates American adults spend about five hours per day looking at or working on some type of digital device with a screen. And that’s on top of another four hours or so watching television programming. That means around nine hours per day are spent looking at some sort of illuminated monitor, or about 136 days per year. Oh, how we adore those bright and colorful lights.

Waiting in Line

While figures vary, the average human being will spend anywhere from six months to several years waiting in line. Urbanites tend to spend more time on line than people living in the country — and if you love shopping, I hope you’re prepared to wait for a very long while over the course of your life. The next time you’re in a line at the post office or the supermarket, you’d be perfectly within your rights if you yelled, “Hey, move things along. This is my life you’re wasting here!”

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