How to Solve Your Problems with Mario Party

How to Solve Your Problems with Mario Party

HERE’S HOW YOU CAN SOLVE ALL YOUR PROBLEMS WITH MARIO PARTY

The newest iteration of Mario Party was released this weekend to critical success. Not only is it fun, but it’s a great mediation tool as well.  Mario Party is a franchise of the ultimate sophomore slump. Reigning for a few renowned years on the Nintendo 64, it then took a dive and never regained its former glory for over 17 years. That is, until now. Super Mario Party was just released for the Switch, and things are back to normal. How can one tell that the new Mario Party is good? It makes you angry at your friends. Many a boast and bet are made during the board game simulator, and many a tear are shed afterwards as well. Due to the game’s “winner-take-all” competitive aspect, the game can also be used to solve a number of problems that might crop up in a given situation.

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Whose turn is it to do the dishes? Dish cleaning is one of the most often disputed chores in households (in countries where women have rights).  And there’s no better way than to determine who does the dishes than by playing Mario Party. After all, mini-games like “hose spraying” and “punching for a photograph” are very interrelated with the act of chores.

Is it ok to have sex that loud? Can’t seem to find common ground on whether the moans of passion are appropriate? Use the old adage of Might Makes Right, and determine whether someone’s boning sounds are accurate due to their performance in the game.

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Are you interrupting my stories too often? “Yes, we get it, you have something to add, but the other thing is that no one cares.” If your friend doesn’t seem to understand even direct messaging like this, then beat it into them with Chomp chains and Stars. They would have to get it eventually.

Whose outfit is the best? Mine, because I stomped you in a game of Pie Hard.

Can I please date your best friend? See if you’re able to betray your friendship in real life once you betray them in a video game.

Of course, these aren’t the only arguments one can solve with the game. We didn’t even bring up interrelationship arguments, but that’s largely because couples who stay together are couples who don’t play Mario Party together.  See?  All your problems, solved.

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