FLORIDA MAN DISCOVERS ARREST SUCKS MORE THAN HIS SEXUAL PERFORMANCE WITH VACUUM CLEANER
Florida is not to be left out of the national dialogue. No, the destruction of American democracy, rampaging ICE goons, a Constitution that stands flayed at the pillory of no checks and balances….. no, Florida will not be denied. Because until now, I had no idea how much arrest simply sucks. And no, not (false) arrest like being media in Minnesota. No, I mean arrest like exposing yourself in a residential neighborhood. But not just exposing yourself, being engaged in some sort of “sexual performance” with a vacuum cleaner. Take that, America! You think you suck? Florida sucks more!
SEXUAL PERFORMANCE WITH VACUUM CLEANER WAS TOTALLY RECORDED ON RESIDENT’S CELL PHONE
So yes, that there above is a picture of one Kevin Westerhold. The 51-year-old from Oviedo, Florida for some reason got it onto his head, ahem, that something needed to be done. You know, down there. But his particular penchant for public deviance and exposure went down in front of someone’s house on Grassendale Street in Kissimmee’s Windsor Hills Resort. And for some reason, local residents didn’t like his “sexual performance” with a vacuum cleaner. Not one bit. But those local residents were sure to grab their cell phone and capture Westerhold’s finest moments on camera.
Related:
POLICE DIDN’T HAVE TO LOOK TOO HARD FINDING PEOPLE WILLING TO IDENTIFY APPLIANCE DEFILER
That’s right. They took a video of just how much Florida sucks these days. And they provided said video to police, who arrived after the “sexual performance” with a vacuum cleaner artist had already caught a draft elsewhere. And since this Florida “resort” involves an HOA, and local residents had already made complaints about Westerhold (who owns two properties there), it didn’t take police long to identify their odd, sexual deviant and show him how arrest sucks more than Hoover. Well, actually, we have no idea of the make and model of the abused vacuum, nor whether the sexual performance involved a wand, hose or what have you.
Maybe next time? Thank you Florida, again!!!
