TWITTER A POSSIBLE ANONYMOUS VENUE FOR WATCHING PORN, ACCORDING TO SEX THERAPISTS
Some likes are bigger than others. This week one of the largest Tweets in Twitterverse came from an unexpected source, Ted Cruz, when he –or his “staffing issue”- liked a porn snippet from the film, “Moms Bang Teens 20.” It created an immediate sensation, as it were, with commentary and a variety of discussions, such as the porn star Cory Chase bearing a resemblance to Cruz’s wife, Heidi. But perhaps more interesting is that sex therapists are chiming in as a result to tell us why people really watch porn on Twitter, as opposed to all the other online resources of which there are many.
TWITTER HIDES YOUR PORN HABITS FROM SPOUSE, FRIENDS, ROOM MATES, EVEN POLITICAL RIVALS
We should all have a heads up to the revelation that if you want to watch porn without leaving digital footprints, then Twitter is not a bad way to go. Imagine, perhaps, that you are Ted Cruz and with all of your past anti-sex, anti-porn, anti-sex toy “positions” yet you want to watch porn without getting busted. If you wanted to keep that on the down low from your political adversaries or, maybe, your wife Heidi- that seems like the way to go. Unless you “like” a porn snippet, of course. Sex therapists from around the US have made it clear that if there’s a way to hide your online porn consumption from digital tracking, people will find it.
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“I’ve definitely had clients who use Twitter to look at porn,” said Janet Brito, a psychologist and sex therapist at the Center for Sexual and Reproductive Health in Honolulu, Hawaii. “It actually happens quite often because it is so easy and accessible ― the same can be said for Tumblr, Snapchat, Instagram and other social media platforms that aren’t necessarily associated with porn.”
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The non-Pornhub route to videos and pics is especially common in relationships where porn has caused conflict in the past, or where sexual needs are going unmet, Brito said. “Where’s there’s trust, there’s usually less of a need to browse their spouse’s browsing history,” she explained. Other people use a more conventional method to mask their porn searches: They use the incognito mode in their web browser, said Kimberly Resnick Anderson, a sex therapist in Los Angeles, California.
“There are also dozens and dozens of apps that promise anonymity on smartphones,” she said. “But as I tell my clients, there is no such thing as incognito porn. Nothing on the Internet is truly private or anonymous.” When searches are discovered, the cover-up is usually considered worse than the crime, Resnick Anderson said.
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“Many people, especially women, tell me that the lying and sneaking is more offensive than the porn itself,” she said. “Other women are genuinely offended by the behaviors and themes depicted in the porn. Navigating the aftermath can be a provocative and complicated process for couples.” When I hear clients in relationship say they’re using covert methods to view porn, I feel bad because they usually feel like they’re stuck.” Janet Brito, sex therapist
Post-discovery, couples need to negotiate their expectations around porn. That process is especially hard to do when one or both spouses have ingrained, restrictive thoughts on sexual pleasure, Brito said. Some believe that “sex should only happen with another person, to show love or to procreate,” she said. When that’s the case, porn often becomes a sexual outlet. “Whatever the reason, when I hear clients in relationship say they’re using covert methods to view porn, I feel bad because they usually feel like they’re stuck,” Brito said.
Brito’s advice to the couples dealing with the issue? “I challenge them to explore what needs are going unmet in their relationship and encourage them to become more assertive,” she said. “People need to be advocates for their own needs,” she said.
Hiding porn ― or keeping any sexual proclivity a secret ― ultimately shortchanges both people in the relationship, said Chris Kingman, a New York City therapist who specializes in porn addiction. “I tell my clients that it’s very self-defeating over time to ‘act-out’ rather than ‘work-out’ unmet needs,” he said. “It’s a process to unlearn the habit of hiding. You have to heal and grow beyond the shame-based framework you’ve been caught in.”
Kingman tells the couples they need to come to an agreement about what role, if any, pornography will play in their relationship, while also being more transparent about their sexual needs. “When you come out of hiding and live more authentically, especially in the sexual dimension of your life, you feel more satisfied and secure within yourself and your relationship, he said.
