ONE SCOTTISH MAN ASSAULTED ANOTHER IN FOWL, DOUBLE FISTED SEAGULLS ATTACK
I’ve been meaning to visit Scotland my entire life, and stories like this just add flavor to the yearning. But even better, this story is from Oban, home of the amazing single malt whiskey of the same name, the 18-year-old being one of my favorites. Yet I can’t imagine that overindulgence of whiskey had anything to do with a story you’d really expect to come from Florida in the United States. But there was clearly something amiss, as one Scottish man was so angry that he grabbed not one, but two seagulls and proceeded to attack another man in otherwise ancient Scottish Highland style. Well, presumably.
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HOW IN THE WORLD COULD ANYONE GRAB NOT ONE, BUT TWO SEAGULLS AT THE SAME TIME?
The seagulls double fisting assault happened on June 27th in Queens Park Place in Oban, Scotland just outside the local railway station. Despite two weeks having gone by, we still somehow don’t know much about what the fight was about, who wielded the seagulls or who was attacked by said double fisted seagulls. In other words, it’s an amazingly weird story you’d love to have your camera ready for! For one, I can’t imagine being able to grab one seagull, never mind two at the same time! And believe me, I’ve tried every time I go to any beach and the little opportunistic bastards come after my food.
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DETAILS ARE SCARCE ALL AROUND, BUT BOTH SEAGULLS REPORTED UNSCATHED
Honestly, if you’re ninja enough to grab a seagull in each hand to assault someone with them, you kind of don’t need them to begin with. Unless, of course, the victim was deathly afraid of not just birds but seagulls in particular. So strange! So what else do we know? We know that the seagulls double fisting perpetrator wasn’t charged at the scene, but was instead “conveyed home while further inquiries were carried out.” We also know that those inquiries were reported to the Procurator Fiscal, and that charges were later filed against the seagulls ninja. Somehow, the seagulls apparently came to no harm despite their use as such fowl instruments.
