AFTER 30 YEARS, ARCHEOLOGISTS REALIZE THAT ANCIENT ROMAN “TOOL” IS REALLY A DILDO
Archeologists can sometimes take a little while to realize that the item they’ve discovered at hand is actually something else entirely. That’s certainly the case when it comes to the ancient Roman tool they discovered at the Roman fort of Vindolanda back in 1992. Ahem. So yes, that little while was actually 30 years. But archeology isn’t an instantly exact science. At first, and for that little while, archeologists thought that the wooden object they discovered was a darning tool. To be fair, it’s only 6.5 inches long. But at last they realized what it really is: a dildo! A “disembodied dildo”, in fact. It seems that as wood ages, it shrinks. Who knew?
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WOOD SHRINKS AS IT AGES, BUT 6.5 INCH ANCIENT WOODEN ROMAN TOOL WAS BIGGER AS A DILDO
But in this case it seems the wood shrank a lot. There’s no other way to say it. But the phallic wooden tool object was “analyzed” by researchers at Newcastle University and University College Dublin. They believe it is the first functional wooden phallus, or dildo, that anyone has ever found from the time period. But it’s not a darn professional shame that archeologists were confused and thought it was a darning tool for all that time. When the ancient Roman tool was discovered, it was found with dozens of shoes, dress accessories and other small tools. It seems someone working there all those hears ago needed a little sex toy for their work breaks!
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WAS ANCIENT ROMAN TOOL A NAUGHTY DILDO, OR WAS IT JUST FOR GOOD LUCK TOUCHES?
Or, maybe, it wasn’t used as a holier than thou fun object down below at all. I shudder to think about splinter possibilities, myself. But ancient Romans also believed that phalli could be protection from evil. Just think of your friends with chunks of quartz or Amythest in the window. But for this ancient Roman tool, or phallus, or maybe functional dildo, it could have been sticking out of a wall or statue for passersby to touch as they went by for good luck. But archeologists would like to think it was used just as a dildo. That’s certainly a more exiting take on ancient Roman lifestyle.
It’s on display at the Vindolanda Trust. Just don’t rub it for good luck! Or, well, do anything else you could think of.
