PRANKSTERS CARVE GIANT PENIS INTO ROYAL CRESCENT LAWN DAYS BEFORE CORONATION PARTY
I couldn’t really give two… pence when it comes to the Coronation in England. I’m a damn Yankee and dubiously proud of it. The only time I really followed news about the royals was as a much younger person, when the paparazzi hounded Princess Diana into an early, tragic grave. So I never thought too well of Prince, ahem, King Charles, considering. He’s a tool. Ok, he’s no Andrew. But that’s the lowest bar possible. Yet if I was English (God forbid Scottish), I might be tempted to make my own statement afore this tool became King of England. Fortunately, some local culprits over there did just that, and carved a giant penis into Bath’s Royal Crescent lawn as a sign of what was to come (Charles).
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LOCALS AMUSED, IF APPALLED, DISCOVERING GIANT PENIS IN LAWN THE NEXT MORNING
Locals were somewhat amused when they saw in the early morning the giant phallus that some nefarious not-fans of the royals (or, at least Charles) put some effort into carving into the ground at the 18th Century landmark. The pranksters seem to have known their window of opportunity to create their giant penis, as they managed the feat just a few days before the Coronation party was to be onsite. I imagine security and preparations were to begin the very day locals discovered the giant penis. So far, no one has any idea who these pranksters are, which is just as well.
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PRANKSTERS CLEARLY KNEW THEIR WINDOW OF OPPORTUNITY, AND HAD GIANT PENIS WELL IN HAND
Bath’s Royal Crescent draw large numBers of tourists every year, and the lawns -normally un-enscribed with a giant penis- are impeccably kept and are themselves a draw for visitors. There is even a company dedicated to maintaining the grounds, the Crescent Lawn Company. The grounds and gardens there are also the pride of one of England’s most celebrated landscape architects and gardener, Capability Brown (a spectacular porn name, btw). But Capability Brown and the Crescent Lawn Company had their hands full, as it were, with correcting the giant penis pranksters dedicated to the now King Charles.