FLORIDA NOW THE NEW HOME TO INVASIVE SPECIES, THE PENIS SNAKES THERE TO STAY
So Florida may be the most crazy state in the US. But why? Well, because they get a disproportionate amount of crazy, that’s why. And this one, well, takes the cake for this week. Because we’re talking about penis snakes. PENIS SNAKES! And while that is not their official name, that’s what everyone calls them. And by looking at that picture, you know why and will, too. Sure, their real name is a mouthful, which is caecilians. Sure, California had an ocean army of sea penises. But whatever, the ocean is full of oddities, a lot of them phallic and floaty. But these? If you’re in Florida, you can walk up to one of these!
THESE PENIS SNAKES ARE FROM COLUMBIA AND VENEZUELA, BUT LOVE BEING IN FLORIDA TOO
So where are these penis snakes from? Well, the jungles of South America and Asia. NOT near the Miami airport, where authorities captured one two years ago. They had to use DNA analysis just to identify it as the mostly blind, legless amphibian that it is. And yes, insert more penis jokes here. But this particular species of penis snake are all over the jungles of Columbia and Venezuela. But now, no one had a head up to expect them to appear in Florida. So to be fair, Florida has its more than fair share of unwelcome cocks there already. Just start in the governor’s office.
NOT DANGEROUS, BUT PENIS SNAKES, OR MANACONDAS, GET AS BIG AS 5 FEET LONG!
Anyway, here’s some more info on these penis snakes. Yes, they are amphibians. So they eat snails and lizards and the like. But as they are mostly blind, they use two face tentacles to find their meals. And yes, penis heads with tentacles. So how big do these insanely phallic snakes get? Oh, not too big, just enough to make Napoleon turn over in his grave. You know, 5 feet long? So while scientists have no idea how they got to Florida, they seem to be there to stay. They have been finding more and more of them in the same area for the last two years. So it is safe to say, penis snakes really get around. Fortunately, these manacondas pose no threat to humans. Well, except some gentlemen’s pride.