PENILE FRACTURE MEANS YOU BROKE YOUR PENIS, HERE’S HOW
Ok, this was supposed to be about the least safe sexual position. But the study kept focusing on really one kind of sexual injury. The Penile Fracture. Or, the broke penis. I assume that there is some kind of range to severity. I actually came across this years ago in college. But no, it wasn’t me, thank you, God. I’ll get to that later. No, this is a study that tried to find out how penile fractures actually happen. Ok, first what is a penile fracture? It is exactly what it sounds like. You have an erection and all that specialized tissue that transforms that specialized member creates a hard phallus when filled with blood. But then that penis runs into a hard place and…. Breaks. It fractures. That tissue is broken and needs a LOT of time to heal.
But it’s your penis so it HURTS a lot as well.
THE COWGIRL BREAKS THE HORSE MORE THAN ANY OTHER POSITION
But no, seriously. This is a thing. Ok, maybe bad choice of words. But penises can break. But you still have to pee thru the damn thing. Just think about that. But anyway researchers looked at records in hospitals in Campinas, Brazil, spanning a 13 year period to figure out which sexual position was the biggest culprit. It’s a city of 3 millions people which means plenty of records and incidents to look at. But they published a paper in Advances in Urology that firmly establishes the Cowgirl position as the biggest threat to your penile coherence. And for you internet cave dwellers who don’t know what that is, it’s the category on that porn site where the lady is on top of the man. Cowgirl caused half of all reported penile fractures. Doggy style came in at 29%, with the Missionary breaking the man at 21%.
BUT, MAY DON’T FALL ON YOUR ERECTION EITHER, IT WILL BREAK
But, also true, breaking your penis is crazy rare. There isn’t even a known statistic. In this study looking for the injury over 13 years, they only found 42 cases. 28 of those were heterosexual sex, 4 homosexual, 6 from some kind of penile manipulation, and 4 others that “weren’t clear.” But when you’re going at it in Cowgirl and your lady’s entire mass is, well, right there, when you miss it’s not a good thing. Snap. But as for my first encounter of this in college? A buddy was tantalized by a very attractive lady friend. He was in quite the, ah, hurry to disrobe. He tripped over his pants which is what happens when you take your pants off while walking. But he then landed on his erect penis and it BROKE.
I’ll just say I’m still glad it wasn’t me. Shudder. Penile. Fracture. Broke penis. It’s real!