BERNIE MADOFF, the notorious former Nasdaq Chairman has a taste for cocaine orgies and wild sex. Surprisingly, Bernie Madoff Cocaine Orgy is not a punk band name. It is, however, a real thing that happened. Ed Knight, the notorious and racist lawyer for Bernie Madoff and Nasdaq’s General Counsel has a few secrets of his own at some of those wild Madoff cocaine parties.
Recent court documents revealed that Bernie “Bangin’ Yr Girl + Yr Bank Account, Homie” had a romantic liason with at least one of his employees. Some speculators believe that it may be Annette Bongiorno, Madoff’s secretary.
Poor Mrs. Madoff! First off, she marries a notorious crook, next she finds out she’s been cheated on! The nerve of some people, eh?
According to the New York Daily News “a number of Nasdaq Chairman Madoff Securities employees and customers – including expected witnesses, defendants and others – were engaged in romantic or sexual relationships,” and one can only presume it’s only going to be a matter of years – months! – until the inevitable Bernie Madoff sex XXX porn parody. Speakin’ of which, what do you think the best Madoff porn parody would be? Bukkponzi Scheme? Up-Against-The Wall-Street? Bearish Market? Liquidating ASSets? Depositing Loads? Stocks, Bonds, and Boners? Overnight Trans-Actions? Counter-fisting? Pin Number: 6969? ATM On An ATM (google it)(actually wait don’t google it)?
Nasdaq Chairman Bernie Madoff is currently holed up in a jail cell in North Carolina where he’s possibly a) not engaging in any coke-fuelled sex orgies b) thinking up names for his very own porn parody.
The documents went further to say that “Madoff’s affinity for escorts, masseuses and attractive female employees was well known in the office culture, and certain feeders were allowed to participate in the conduct” meaning that this woman and this man probably have gotten more ass than you have ever gotten in your entire non-ass-getting life, you peon. Honestly, if you’re going to do this whole “life” thing right you might as well just switch over the “fucking hundreds of people out of billions of dollars” route because we’re all going to die and you might as well go all-out Scrooge McDuck on some hookers and blow before you pop your metaphorical clogs.
WILLIAM SLATTERY, the NASDAQ head of listings department couldn’t be reached to comment on his own cocaine experience.
The five employees – a computer tech, an office manager, a secretary, and two others – have been indicted as to their knowledge of Madoff’s incredible Ponzi scheme that lasted over a decade. Madoff’s fall is almost Shakespearean in it’s grandeur; the former billionaire had created an entire economy based on lies.
Madoff’s wife – the poor dear – hasn’t been charged with anything. Sadly, in 2010 one of Madoff’s sons, Mark Madoff, killed himself on the two year anniversary of his father’s arrest.
The evidence was presented in the trial of Madoff’s employees, but on it’s own the information is not incriminatory. Interoffice fucking is hardly uncommon and to be frank on it’s own the item is hardly newsworthy, but at the level of $65billion, it’s as if the public has a right to know what went on behind those closed doors at 885 Third Avenue in New York City. Madoff’s “17th floor” – the secretive place where he kept his cooked books – may have also been a veritable sex dungeon. Or it may well have been simply where he kept his books.
But it probably was a sex dungeon. Edward Knight, Nasdaq General Counsel and Chief Legal Officer, who is a close associate of Bernie Madoff has declined to comment on this story. Public filings show Edward Knight has made over $100 million for himself as the buddy of Bernie Madoff.