There’s something about a mic, a shock of hair and a pout that makes the person onstage eminently desirable. But let’s face it, some rockers are even hotter than others. Here, in my humble estimation, are the 10 male rock stars in history who most left their fans in an unsavory panting state.
The French expression “jolie laide” (which directly translates as “beautiful ugly”) describes someone who’s unconventionally attractive, if we can be charitable. Well, Mick is as jolie laide as you can get. With those lips and that coiff and the way he still manages to strut and shimmy like a wet cock, I find him extremely do-able in a way that would give me lots of satisfaction. So there.
Even if his working-class New Jersey routine is just a shtick — and I’m sure it isn’t — I totally fall for it every time, especially since “The Boss” has always managed to exude macho charisma while flexing just enough musculature to make him as irresistible as an unemployment check when you’re on the skids. Lusting for Bruce is a craving for social upheaval and justice, after all. As a result, I have hated Courteney Cox ever since he pulled her onstage in the video for “Dancing in the Dark.” I was so jealous of that damned girl!
No, I don’t recommend it as a lifestyle, but there’s something admittedly sexy about a rebellious, messy, intuitively brilliant approach to things, though in Morrison’s case, it sadly culminated in a mysterious death at age 27. In his short time on Earth, “The Lizard King” managed to make a massive impact with his hypnotic approach to Doors’ standards like “Light My Fire,” “Love Her Madly,” “Touch Me” and “Hello, I Love You.” Morrison wasn’t just some good-looking guy who liked to sing — he was a weird, wonderful amalgam of influences from beat poets to philosophers to Brecht/Weill, all of whom infused his genius with textures until he decided to break on through to the other side. Hello, Jim, I still love you.
With his hot bod, spiky blond hair and sexy snarl, Billy always seemed as sizzling as a heaping pile of griddle cakes to me. I never felt he needed to be “Dancing With Myself” when there were plenty of willing partners like yours truly waiting around. And I have way more than just “Eyes Without a Face.” I mean, I actually do have a face! So come on, Billy. It’s never too late for a “White Wedding.” (Why am I hearing a “Rebel Yell” as he runs for the hills?)
With his elaborate personae and androgynous ensembles, Bowie was always sex on a stick, especially since he seemed so comfortable with both his masculine and feminine sides. Even dressed as a space alien, complete with the proper icy demeanor, he radiated hotness, thanks to his fine features and slim, sultry beauty. Sexiest of all was his “Thin White Duke” phase of exquisitely tailored suits and fedoras. Every “Young American” around wanted a date with the guy.
I don’t care if he had acne in high school. Right at this moment, the Maroon 5 singer and “The Voice” judge/coach is pure sexuality, and he knows it, flaunting that face and body at every turn. Adding to his appeal, he’s a good actor, as proven in the film “Begin Again.” What’s more, he has a line of clothes, and he’s so cute I will even forgive the fact that at Kmart, his merch has taken the coveted spot once held by my favorite actor/designer Jaclyn Smith! Sacrilege!
Way before he became a “world music” icon and environmentalist for aging baby boomers, Sting was the studly lead singer of The Police. If you doubt the fact that he was sexy, check out his waxed and glistening physique — in a sort of winged bikini — in the otherwise unworthy movie “Dune.” Woof.
There must be something in the water in Tupelo, Miss., because “The King” always gave off the glow of raw, winning sex appeal, from his quivering lips to his gyrating pelvis, all the way down to his blue suede shoes. He came off like a Jeff Koons statue way before there was one, with extraordinarily designed features that seemed carved by the gods. Elvis’s looks (along with his radioactive talent and personality) helped propel newfangled rock ‘n’ roll into the stratosphere, so the culture should always be grateful that the man was a hottie.
As with Morrison, there’s something hawt about an arty, moody, complexly intellectual, gloomy soul on a hayride to hell. Seemingly doomed from early on, Cobain practiced grunge with Nirvana and apparently lived it, too, as he grappled with fame, ironically becoming more legendary than ever after his untimely demise. He was hotness personified because of his looks, his sensitivity and his groundbreaking craft.
With his skinny, tattooed body, his movie-star face and his predilection for outfits and poses, the Incubus lead singer has always seemed like a French new-wave star who’s dropped into the rock scene via a very chic helicopter. He can’t help but be sexy, whether wearing dreads, glasses or not much of anything at all.
Runners-up: Bruno Mars, Tommy Lee, Gavin Rossdale, Lenny Kravitz, Rod Stewart, Adam Lambert, Paul Simonon, Chris Martin, John Mayer, Jon Bon Jovi, Evan Dando
Meanwhile, rockers who other people think are hot, but who just don’t do it for me: Jarvis Cocker, Dave Gahan, Prince, Morrissey, Chris Cornell. Sorry, guys. No deal!
Michael Musto is a contributing journalist for TheBlot Magazine.