I’ve already bared my soul for you and revealed who I crushed on, celeb-wise, as a pubescent youth. So why not take it a step farther and reveal which lucky celebs I’m in love with right now? Brace yourselves for the open admissions of sweaty palms and thumping heart valves — and get ready for the real shocker: There has been absolutely no reciprocation on the part of any of these studs. So far.
Andrew Garfield
He screamed too much in “Death of a Salesman,” but usually I’m the one doing the squealing. After all, Andrew fills out that outfit very adeptly in the “Spider-Man” flicks, and I happen to love his insouciant good looks and ruddy sense of spunk. It’s a real love match, and as for that Emma Stone person … Please!
Zachary Quinto
The “Star Trek” actor (recently on Broadway in “The Glass Menagerie”) has really pronounced features as he stares at you with a penetrating gaze. He’s so dead serious, with a mole-like demeanor and riveting intent that seem custom made for whoever he’s talking to at the moment. Zach is on the move, and apparently he doesn’t have time for Jonathan Groff anymore. Beam me up, babe.
Anderson Cooper
I know I’m really stretching here. For eons, everyone on the planet has had a crush on this guy, including my mother and her eye doctor. But I’m never afraid to state the obvious. And let’s face it: Looks and smarts have rarely coalesced into a package so scintillating. Drop Ben pronto and marry me, Anderson. I won’t be your “other woman.”
Jim Parsons
From “The Big Bang Theory” to “The Normal Heart,” Jim has shown range, while generally preserving that bemused, aw-shucksy kind of character he does so well. Having met him once, I found him beyond sweet and adorable times a thousand. Big bang indeed.
Andy Cohen
Power is sexy, and besides, Andy happens to be extremely good looking. Most importantly of all, he was nice to me when I got laid off. Boom — we’ve got a winner.
Channing Tatum
Duh.
Nick Cannon
Mariah must be crazy to give this man up! He’s perfectly studly, and cute and funny and serious and gangsta and slick and everything a stud ought to be. I’ll gladly take him off your hands, Miss Thing.
Christian Camargo
A theater actor and film star who marches to his own drum, this guy (son of soap actress Victoria Wyndham) is super hot and very whack, in a good way. “Michael Camargo” has a ring to it. And I’d like to get a ring on it.
Bobby Steggert
Of all the Broadway cuties, Bobby is easily the cutest. Seen in shows like “110 in the Shade” and “Yank: A WWII Love Story,” he’s just drop-dead pinchable. Yum.
Andrew Rannells
I didn’t think Andrew would make it after “The Book of Mormon” because I thought his looks were a little too offbeat for mainstream approval (which is a good thing, actually). He’s like a ’50s cover boy, but with a decided edge. And whatever the case, he’s taken off — in “Girls” and on Broadway in “Hedwig and the Angry Inch,” and everyone finds him absolutely scrumptious. Including me. He’s sort of boy-next-door, but with a difference that makes him far from corny.
Enrique Iglesias
The man was always smoldering, but with age he’s picked up a little gravitas, and in doing so, he’s managed to still be relevant and sell lots of records. Enrique just radiates sex appeal, and the truth is that as far as my Latin idols go, I’d way rather sleep with him than with Gloria Estefan.
Adam Lambert
The former “American Idol” singer has grown into his looks in a rather startling way. He was always handsome, but he’s matured into his beauty and settled into his features. It’s really something to behold up close in person — not that I’ve been staring, LOL.
Justin Timberlake
J.C. used to be my favorite ‘N Sync-er, but he’s not as visible anymore, so Justin is now my No. 1 ex-boy bander waving bye-bye-bye to my heart. He has the right mix of masculine and feminine, as well as a kind of raw, sexy talent and weird good looks. I worship him. Back off, Jessica.
Zac Efron
Zac has developed past the teen-idol label and proven that he — and his looks — have real staying power. Lord knows those twinkly eyes really can cut right through you, even from a large movie screen far, far away. And now that he’s had a nice hit comedy to his credit (“Neighbors”), the appeal quotient goes up for Zac, who is just the kind of person I need in my life right now. And I’m quite sure he sees it that way too. Why are you laughing?
Jimmy Fallon
An impish, naughty, self-deprecating, adorable comic is the most lovable kind of all, and Jimmy makes you just want to hug him after every punchline. But he won’t let me. Fine, Jimmy. I’ll just have to bury my sorrow in Seth Meyers.
Meghan Trainor
Yes, I crush on women, too, especially if they’re kitschy and lively and include a swishy male voguer in their big video. Meghan is “All About The Bass,” and I’m all about wanting to be her fake boyfriend.
Michael Musto is a contributing journalist for TheBlot Magazine.
