Dear Dennis Rodman,
It’s been a few years now since we’ve seen very much of you. Whenever you are around it feels like you just do a lot of yelling at us before storming off. We’ve come to expect erratic behavior from you.
But seriously? Why would you go gallavanting around North Korea with Kim Jong Un? Don’t you know what a complete psychopath he is? The guy killed his former popstar girlfriend… by firing squad… in front of her friends and family members… then he shipped those friends and family members off to labor camps…
He did that pretty much because he felt like it as best as anyone can tell.
Also, that shit went down just last week. We’re not talking about something that happened a few years ago when he was only the son of a heartless psychopathic dictator and not the heartless psychopathic dictator that he’s become.
He barely had enough time to roll her lifeless body in a rug and wipe the blood off his hands before hugging it out with you.
We understand that you are not a head of state. You are welcome to do what you want, but Winston Churchill once said that, “With great power comes great responsibility”
Perhaps you have been afforded the opportunity to be this generation’s mohawked British Bulldog.
You did try to get Kim “to do you a solid” by releasing American citizen Kenneth Bae, who has been living in his own personal hell for the past year as an accused spy in North Korea but tweeting about it is alot different than actually doing something about it.
It’s North Korea, so granted there are a lot of people living in their own personal hells. Just because Bae is an American citizen it probably doesn’t entitle him to any better treatment than the estimated 25 million beleaguered citizens of The Hermit Kingdom.
It’s just that we know all this shit which means you should know all of this shit which means you’re either stupid or a liar.
Remember when you were in Double Team with Jean-Claude Van Damme and Mickey Rourke. You played counter-terrorist agent Jack Quinn. You swore to bring elusive terrorist Stavros to justice.
You were so masterful in your performance. Half the time we thought we were watching a documentary about your post-NBA career.
What happened to The Worm that we all knew and loved?
You married Carmen Electra. You had an affair with Madonna. You are an NBA Hall of Famer. For godsake, you won Celebrity Mole.
You’re 52 now. At some point, a man should put away the green hair dye, cover up the tattoos, put on a tie and proceed with quiet dignity into his golden years.
We miss you. We worry about you constantly. Dr. Drew is worried about you. It’s not easy caring about you, mister, but a blog’s work is never really done.
We’d like to have you back, but you really need to get your shit together first.