Natalie Hall

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Hartford Sovereign Citizen Cuts Off Landlord’s Head When Told to Get Out

TENANT, SOVEREIGN CITIZEN, CUTS OFF LANDLORD’S HEAD WHEN TOLD TO GET OUT So have you ever heard the expression, that’s nothing to lose your head over?  Well, this is no different.  But, a different, literal, outcome.  Have you ever heard of the term, “sovereign citizen?”  No?  Well, someone who considers themselves a sovereign citizen believes […] More

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Cab Driver Serial Killer Fed 50 Bodies to Crocodiles, Sold Their Cars

SERIAL KILLER MURDERED OVER 100 CABBIES, FED THEIR BODIES TO CROCODILES So this is rather frightening, if you are a taxi driver.  Well, or maybe it’s just frightening, period.  A doctor in India had a side gig the likes of which you would never imagine.  He killed cab drivers.  Like, more than 50 cab drivers.  […] More

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UK Gov to Invest in Lady Friendly Sex-Party Company, Killing Kittens

UK INVESTS IN SEX-PARTY STARTUP, KILLING KITTENS, TO SURVIVE PANDEMIC MARKET So this is pretty interesting.  I remember the days when people on dating apps were kind of odd.  Maybe they were just desperate?  But that is ancient history now.  Everything is online these days.  Even services that help organize a sex-party for interested…. parties.  […] More

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Did Trump and Kodak Just Enjoy Insider Trading Via US Tax Dollars?

DID U.S. TAX DOLLARS FACILITATE INSIDER TRADING FOR KODAK WITH GOVERNMENT LOAN? So this stinks to high heaven all the way down to perdition’s flames.  The United States sometimes gives out loans to companies to facilitate the products to satisfy the public need.  And that’s totally fine.  The pandemic has created a LOT of need […] More

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Trump Doctor Believes in Demon Sperm, Alien DNA, Hydroxychloroquine

TRUMP NUT DOCTOR BELIEVES IN HYDROXYCHLOROQUINE, DEMON SPERM AND ALIEN DNA So no doubt you’ve heard the latest brouhaha about Donald Trump and his retweeting.  But of course it’s impossible to keep up with Trump on social media.  I mean, the guy tweets more than middle school kids, these days even!  But some Trump tweets […] More

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Vegan Health Nut Drinks Semen Shakes to Beat Back Covid

VEGAN BODYBUILDER SWEARS DRINKING SEMEN SHAKES IS PROTECTION FROM COVID So I’ve heard a lot of stories about the healing power of semen.  Well, especially for skin, anyway.  I’ve read a ton of testimonials about how good it is for a face.  A facial, if you prefer.  But I’ve even heard this from women in […] More

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Barcelona Seizes Apartments From Landlords Who Won’t Rent Them

BARCELONA ABOUT TO SEIZE EMPTY APARTMENTS FROM LANDLORDS FOR HALF MARKET VALUE So this is interesting.  I’m familiar with the term eminent domain.  That’s what happens when the government seizes property for necessary public use.  And I think that is dicey, as it often is used for profit more than the public interest.  But what’s […] More

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Who You Gonna Call? A Paranormal Helpline in India

INDIA HAS A PARANORMAL HELPLINE FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE “SEEING” THINGS THEY CAN CALL So like all movies, we’ll have to wait a little longer for the new Ghostbusters movie to come out.  But, most of us don’t feel comfortable to come out, either.  Thanks a lot, Covid!  But some people are feeling the walls […] More

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Coronavirus Fails to Cancel Texas Testicle Festival 2020

COVID AIN’T CANCELLING THE TEXAS TESTICLE FESTIVAL IN THE PANDEMIC YEAR, 2020 So have you ever been to a ball?  Ok, cheap shot.  Or, maybe, it just came too early.  Premature…. Humor.  But yes, the title did not lie.  There is a Texas Testicle Festival in the year 2020.  And somehow, the Coronavirus failed to […] More

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Italian Cops Find Shipment of Coffee Beans Filled With Cocaine

ITALIAN POLICE INTERCEPT COCAINE IN COFFEE BEANS, THANKS TO MOVIE REFERENCES So Italian police made a pretty nice drug haul, thanks to some pulp knowledgeable officers.  They found a shipment of coffee beans with cocaine in them.  Pretty clever, really.  But this takes me back to Beverly Hills Cop.  The first one, of course.  As […] More

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26-Year-Old Russian Sexologist Found Dead on Bed, Naked

YOUNG, HOT RUSSIAN SEXOLOGIST FOUND DEAD, NAKED ON HOTEL ROOM BED So this is weird.  A sexologist and Russian celebrity is dead, and it’s a bit of a mystery.  Her name is Anna Ambartsumyan.  The young and married woman was quite well known, so police are sure to take the investigation pretty seriously.  You know, […] More

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Police Raid Sex Cult, Run By 77-Year-Old Called The Doctor

ITALIAN POLICE RAID SEX CULT RUN BY OLD MAN MEMBER CALLED THE DOCTOR So cults clearly exist all over the world.  And cults almost always involve sex as a power dynamic.  But a sex cult is all about the sex as a tool of power.  But this one has been around for some time without […] More

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Masked Thief Breaks Penal Code, Steals 40lb Dildo, Moby

IN LAS VEGASS, MASKED THIEF MAKES OFF WITH GIANT DILDO, MOBY So what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.  Except when it comes to a massive, 40lb dildo, anyway.  A masked thief made quite the heist this week, an over the shoulder dildo holder, in fact.  Come again, you ask?  No, it’s a fact.  The […] More

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Southampton Eatery Burns Epstein and Weinstein’s Regular Table

SOUTHAMPTON EATERY OWNER CONDUCTS EXORCISM ON REGULAR TABLE OF EPSTEIN AND WEINSTEIN So the Jeffrey Epstein and Harvey Weinstein scandals are still percolating.  But I expect we’ll hear more about Epstein in the coming months, assuming Ghislaine Maxwell lives long enough to spill the beans for a deal.  But both sexual predator fiends were major […] More

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Trump Sends in Feds, Grabbing People Off the Street in Portland

FEDERAL AGENTS ARE GRABBING PEOPLE OFF THE STREETS IN PORTLAND, OREGON So this is big, bad and dangerous news.  Earlier this week, things in Portland, Oregon got a LOT darker.  Yes, Portland is one of many cities where there are still protests happening as a result of George Floyd’s death at the hands of Minneapolis […] More

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Georgia Cops Respond to Body On Tracks, But It’s a Sex Doll

GEORGIA COPS RESPOND TO REPORT OF BODY NEAR TRAIN TRACKS, BUT IT’S A SEX DOLL So Georgia is a mess these days.  You may have heard the governor there banned any bans on face masks.  So it’s a dicey situation there.  But Georgia cops got taken for a ride earlier this week.  And last I […] More

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Bored With Covid Closeting? Visit Ramesses VI Tomb in 3D Virtual Tour

TRAPPED AT HOME BECAUSE COVID?  VISIT THE TOMB OF EGYPTIAN PHARAOH, RAMESSES VI So I’m lucky enough to still be working from home.  And yes, it has its challenges.  More than a few.  But some days, I just want to take a break from the realities I find with the walls and windows around me.  […] More

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Minneapolis Cops Used Drones to Spy on People on Nude Beach

MINNEAPOLIS COPS SEND IN DRONES TO SPY ON PEOPLE FOR BEING NUDE AT LOCAL BEACH So there’s a lot going on with the Minneapolis police in recent times.  Surely, you’ve heard.  And a lot of people want to defund the police department and start over from scratch.  And this story may increase that idea.  I […] More

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US Navy Finally Boasts First Black, Female Fighter Pilot Like, Ever

MADELINE SWEGLE JUST BECAME THE FIRST BLACK, FEMALE US NAVAL FIGHTER PILOT, EVER Her name is Madeline Swegle and she’s awesome.  Well, she’s now a major figure in American history, too.  As you can see, Madeline is black and a woman.  But she’s also now the very first fighter pilot in the US Navy, ever.  […] More

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Woman Divorces Husband, Then Marries Stepson, 20 Years Old

SHE MARRIES THE STEPSON SHE RAISED RIGHT AFTER DIVORCING HIS FATHER So the ick factor here is… extremely high.  Ick.  ICK.  But I can’t comment on true love, as it is the free range of poets and unrequited dreamers.  Well, and the Princess Bride, of course.  But some relationships simply mystify me.  Others, I find […] More

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Great White Sharks in New York & New Jersey Waters, More to Come

GREAT WHITE SHARKS ARE NEAR NEW YORK AND THE JERSEY SHORE, AND THEIR FRIENDS ARE COMING TOO So great white sharks have been around the Northeast before.  Shoot, they actually are here kind of all the time.  But we don’t tend to see them too much near beaches around New York City or the nearby […] More

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Police Hunting Local Homeless German Rambo in Black Forest

GERMAN RAMBO IS A REAL THING, WITH MANHUNT IN THE BLACK FOREST NEAR BORDER WITH FRANCE So how can this be happening?  I remember seeing the movie Rambo for the first time and it was quite the big deal.  Small town hick politics.  80’s continuing rejection of hippy culture.  And the incredibly awkward niches only […] More

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Damn Fool Michael Cohen Back in Jail, Skips House Arrest for UES Meal

MICHAEL COHEN, A DAMN FOOL, IS BACK IN PRISON FOR GOING TO A RESTAURANT NEAR HOME So Michael Cohen is back in the news.  How to you spell damn fool?  Well, sure, spoiler alert.  But what’s the new spelling for damn fool?  Michael Cohen.  Little Mikey was President Trump’s personal lawyer.  But Trump abandoned Cohen, […] More

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NBA in Orlando, A Bubble in An Exploding Bubble as Petrie Dish

NBA SEASON RESUMES AS BUBBLE IN EXPLODING BUBBLE, A PETRIE DISH FOR US TO WATCH So NBA fans already know.  The season is set to resume, and fairly soon.  Normally, the BVA season would have already ended by now, the post-season included.  But not this year.  This year, we’re all stuck in the Coronavirus pandemic, […] More

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Man Stole 126 Flip-Flops for Shoe Fetish Sex, Major Legal Flop

POLICE ARREST KINKY MAN WITH 126 PAIRS OF STOLEN FLIP-FLOPS HE USED FOR SEX So we all like getting jiggy with it.  And by that, I mean we all like getting it on, getting it off, etc.  Pretty much everyone needs sexual release.  But not everyone finds that release in quite the same ways.  And […] More

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What Was Up With That Giant Mosquito in Argentina?

MAN IN ARGENTINA POSTS PIC OF GIANT MOSQUITO HIS MOTHER LOST HER MIND OVER, WITH CAUSE So pardon me for being an in-season sorta guy.  But now that mosquitos are out and about all over the continental US, this shit just got real (well, from January).  I hate mosquitos.  Pretty much everyone hates mosquitos.  Combine […] More

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Presidential Heads Crumble in Virginia Field, Testament of Today

IN A TESTAMENT OF TODAY’S REALITY, 43 PRESIDENTIAL HEADS SLOWLY CRUMBLE IN A VIRGINIA FIELD So much is going wrong these days in the United States.  Just as we finally enter a phase of addressing our history of slavery, we also have a pandemic that reaches far into our future.  And speaking of the foundations […] More

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Will Ghislaine Maxwell Live to Tell All the Tales She Knows?

GHISLAINE MAXWELL HAS SOME TALES TO TELL, BUT WILL SHE LIVE LONG ENOUGH TO? Ghislaine Maxwell.  Her name is a pain to pronounce.  But that is nothing compared to the pain coming to many of the world’s rich and famous if she tells all the tales she knows.  Just think about it!  Ghislaine faces multiple […] More

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Doctor Declared Woman Dead, Then She Wakes Up in a Body Bag

DOCTOR DECLARES PARAGUAY WOMAN DEAD, BUT THEN SHE WAKES UP IN A BODY BAG AT FUNERAL HOME Her name was, and still remains, Gladys Rodriguez Duarte.  But why both?  Well, because she was dead, so remains is a pun.  Except, she wasn’t dead.  So her name remains the same.  But whatever, right?  Gladys is from […] More

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Berlin Wants to Ban Deodorant on Mass Transit, Because Covid

BERLIN OFFICIALS TO BAN WEARING DEODORANT ON MASS TRANSIT, BECAUSE COVID So this is definitely in the weird news category.  I’ve only been to Berlin once, years ago in the late 1990s.  It’s an amazing and interesting city.  But as someone who knows New York City pretty well, Berlin struck me as really, really big.  […] More

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Brilliant Western Soundtrack Composer Ennio Morricone Gone

BRILLIANT ENNIO MORRICONE, COMPOSER OF WESTERN MOVIES, PASSES AWAY AT 91 So you know Ennio Morricone.  Really, you do.  Have you ever seen a Spaghetti Western?  Clint Eastwood, hello?  Maybe Once Upon a Time in the West?  Or Once Upon a Time in America?  Yes, they were all directed by the amazing Sergio Leone.  But […] More

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Beer Binge With No Pee Makes Man’s Bladder Explode

MAN BINGE DRINKS BEER, PASSES OUT, DOESN’T PEE, AND HAD HIS BLADDER EXPLODE So remember that time that you had too much beer to drink?  And no, I’m not talking about the morning after.  You suddenly remember that you haven’t eaten any fiber for years?  But it doesn’t matter?  Well, no, that’s not what this […] More

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Topless British Woman Saves 3 People from Drowning in Cornwall

THREE WERE DROWNING IN CORNWALL, ENGLAND, THEN A TOPLESS WOMAN CAME TO SAVE THEM So I don’t know how else to say it.  But the kid in me would have been more than fascinated to see this.  As it is, the headline shouldn’t be an attention grabber.  But yet, it is.  Two sisters and their […] More

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Police Seize $1.2 Billion in Amphetamines, Biggest Drug Bust Ever

ITALIANS MAKE RECORD DRUG BUST, $1.2 BILLION IN AMPHETAMINES FROM SYRIA So it looks like we may need to revisit Miami Vice as a show in Salerno, Italy.  Because Sonny and Crockett never made a score like this.  No one has, till now.  But even though drug busts happen every day across the world, the […] More

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1792 Virginia Law Against Swearing Finally Repealed in 2020

VIRGINIA COMMONWEALTH LAW FROM 1792 AGAINST SWEARING FINALLY OFF THE BOOKS AT LAST So laws in the United States can be pretty damn weird.  As you know, different states have different laws on the books.  And some of them are old, outdated and maybe even outright stupid.  Every year, we hear about laws that state […] More

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Johnny Depp Ordered Drugs, So Was He A Domestic Abuser Too?

IF JOHNNY DEPP HID TEXTS ORDERING COCAINE AND ECSTASY, IS HE HIDING BEING A WIFE BEATER, TOO? So Johnny Depp is in the news again.  And no, it’s not about the next installment of the Pirates of the Caribbean series.  Though, I must say I’m excited to hear about a certain blond actress.  Anyway, Johnny […] More

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See the Face of Man’s Skull, Mounted on a Stake 8,000 Years Ago

WE CAN NOW SEE THE FACE OF A MAN WHOSE SKULL WAS ON A STAKE 8,000 YEARS AGO So this is kind of crazy.  There’s a saying about putting a face on things.  But this time, it’s a little mind blowing.  That man in the picture above was a real person, 8,000 years ago.  And […] More

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Swinger Sex Festival Won’t Happen, Because Coronavirus

CORONAVIRUS CANCELS HUGE SEX FESTIVAL FOR SWINGERS IN ENGLAND So I’m not part of the swinger scene.  Wait, what?  You don’t know what that is?  Let’s just say, you’re married.  But you swing.  So if you went to a swingers’ party, you’d be up for having sex with someone who’s not your spouse or partner.  […] More

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Poor Sap Buys Gorgeous Lamborghini, Crashes 20 Minutes Later

AFTER FALLING IN LOVE WITH NEW LAMBORGHINI, POOR SAP CRASHES CAR AFTER JUST 20 MINUTES So nice cars are, well, nice cars.  There’s nothing like the smell of a new car.  That’s why they sell it in a can.  But a luxury speedster?  I’ve never been in one as nice as a brand new Lamborghini.  […] More

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Coke Cock: Police Arrest Man Smuggling Cocaine in Fake Penis

IDIOT TRIES TO SMUGGLE COCAINE IN A FAKE PENIS, POLICE GIVE HIM A COKE COCK BLOCK So this, it seems, is a story about a real life coke cock block.  That’s right, a penis with cocaine inside of it.  Well, a fake penis, to be fair.  That would be one epic blow job, amirite?  So […] More

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Durian Fruit Strikes Again, Evacuating Post Office in Bavaria

POST OFFICE IN BAVARIA THE LATEST VICTIM OF THE DURIAN FRUIT, WITH PANIC AND EVACUATION So do you know the durian fruit?  It’s quite the little stinker.  And it’s caused havoc from time to time in a lot of places.  And now, we can add Bavaria to that list!  Well, Bavaria is in Germany.  Regardless, […] More

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Jaws Mayor is a Character All Over Covid United States

MAYOR CHARACTER FROM JAWS IS PRESENT ALL OVER THE UNITED STATES WITH COVID So have you ever seen the Movie, Jaws?  It was an early Spielberg flick with great actors and a scary ass prop, a great white shark terrorizing a northeastern island.  And that island, of course, had a mayor character.  But the reality […] More

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Neo-Nazi Satanist US Army Soldier to Attack Own Unit

US ARMY PRIATE WORKS WITH NEO-NAZI SATANIST GROUP TO ATTEMPT TERRORIST ATTACK ON HIS OWN UNIT So remember how we used to talk about how domestic terrorists were a real threat to the United States?  Well, it seems to still be true.  But this time, a member of a terrorist group was also a US […] More

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Global Warming Update: Siberia Sees 100 Degree Temps

TOWN IN SIBERIA SEES RECORD TEMPS, OVER 100 DEGREES, GULAG NOT SO DAMN COLD ANYMORE So global warming is still totally happening.  Sure, we’ve all got the Coronavirus reality these days, all over the world.  And here in the States, that looks to be true longer than we ever imagined.  But things like global warming […] More

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Secret Passageway Found at United Kingdom’s Parliament

ENGLAND DISCOVERS FORGOTTEN, SECRET PASSAGEWAY IN HOUSES OF PARLIAMENT History is crazy.  Sometimes not in a good way.  But sometimes, it’s kinda damn fun.  And this is definitely one of those times.  Pictured above is Lindsay Hoyle, the Speaker of the House in the UK.  And what is he doing in a wall?  Well, he’s […] More

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India Catches Supposed Spy Pigeon From Pakistan

INDIA CAPTURES SUPPOSED SPY PIGEON, INSTANTLY BLAMES PAKISTAN So where to begin?  This is a story about a spy pigeon.  Yes, a spy pigeon.  No, and we’re not talking about an ugly person.  A bird.  A flying rat, some say.  Pretty much the most common bird around most of the world.  The bane of Venice, […] More

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Get Nipple Rings for Better Sex, and Bigger Orgasms

NIPPLE RINGS CAN IMPROVE YOUR SEX LIFE, CREATE MUCH BIGGER ORGASMS THAN EVER BEFORE So I remember back when body piercings were seriously unusual.  Then, they became pretty much a casual sight.  But I’m still a little titillated when it comes to certain body parts with rings in them.  But nipple rings?  They’re not just […] More

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Whoops, Ford Bronco Schedules Release Date, O.J. Simpson’s Bday

NEW FORD BRONCO RELEASE DATE SET FOR JULY 9TH, O.J. SIMPSON’S BIRTHDAY So I never thought I’d be writing about O.J. Simpson.  Like, ever.  Even just thinking about him makes me mad.  Sure, he is likely a murderer and all that.  And that’s insurmountable.  But I’ll never forget how mad I was trying to watch […] More

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Vienna Police Fine Man For Farting at Them, With Intent

MAN FARTS AT MORE THAN GENERAL DIRECTION OF VIENNA POLICE, POLICE FINE MAN So much for policing being a breeze, especially these days.  So many things these days are silent, but deadly.  You know, the pandemic?  But recent news from across the Atlantic Ocean now include police in Vienna assessing a fine for less than […] More

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Temptation Gives 16 Friends Covid As Florida Lockdown Ends

16 FRIENDS GIVE IN TO TEMPTATION, HAVE A NIGHT OUT, NOW HAVE CORONAVIRUS So most major religions include themes about how to avoid temptation.  Or, rather, how important it is to avoid temptation.  And right now, we’re all suffering from temptation.  Coronavirus has upended our lives for months now.  And the weather is nicer.  The […] More

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Some Idiot Left $191,000 in Gold Bars on Swiss Train

SWISS AUTHORITIES CONFUSED AS SOMEONE LEFT $191,000 IN GOLD BARS ON A TRAIN Sometimes you feel like you totally missed the boat.  But this time, I feel like I missed the train.  Big time.  Because if I had been on this train, I just might have been the one to discover a bag with $191,000 […] More

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Penn. Woman Had Grandma’s Body in Freezer for Social Security Checks

GRANDMA IN FREEZER FOR 15 YEARS SO FAMILY COULD COLLECT SOCIAL SECURITY CHECKS So with all the political histrionics about how bad Social Security is, this is worse.  Sure, there is fraud on occasion.  But certain rightwing voices say it’s minorities and illegal immigrants.  So of course, there’s no there, there.  But when fraud happens, […] More

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John Cleese Wicked Pissed About Removal of Faulty Towers Removal

UKTV REMOVES FAULTY TOWERS EPISODE FOR RACIST LANGUAGE, JOHN CLEESE WICKED PISSED Oh, my.  That’s what my grandmother would say.  It was always an understatement about something so ridiculous, nothing else would be polite.  So about this little racist language situation of an old Faulty Towers episode?  Oh, my.  But the former Minister of Funny […] More

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Man on Train Dies, Absolutely No One Notices for Five Hours

MAN DIES ON ENGLISH TRAIN FROM HEART ATTACK, NO ONE NOTICES FOR FIVE HOURS So this is not the way anyone wants to go.  And no, we obviously don’t have any control of that sort of thing.  But this is not on my list for how I kick the bucket, fingers crossed.  A man in […] More

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Lady Boxer Tests Positive For Banned Substance From Having Sex

OLYMPIC HOPEFUL LADY BOXER TESTS POSITIVE FOR BANNED SUBSTANCES FROM HAVING SEX So her name is Ginny Fuchs.  She’s a lady and a boxer.  She’s also an Olympic hopeful who hopes to medal for the United States.  But her dream and commitment almost came to naught.  Why? She tested positive for a banned substance.  The […] More

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Trump’s Space Force Losing Trademark Fight With Space Force on Netflix

TRUMP’S U.S. SPACE FORCE LOSING TRADEMARK FIGHT WITH THE TV SHOW ON NETFLIX So it seems comedy trumps…. Um, Trump.  At least when it comes to a trademark fight over the very same name.  Now that’s funny.  Really, really funny.  S I haven’t watched too much of the show, Space Force quite yet.  But it’s […] More

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Galveston Texas Scene of Twerking, Topless Arrests

KIDS THESE DAYS JUST CAN’T HANDLE A PANDEMIC LIKE THEY USED TO, SO TWERKING TOPLESS ARRESTS ABOUND So this isn’t totally recent news.  But it is sadly funny all the same.  We’ve all seen footage from somewhere of people not practicing social distancing well,.  Or hell, at all for that matter.  But some of these […] More

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All-Inclusive Orgy Resort Sex Island Opens During Coronavirus

SEX ISLAND RESORT OFFERS PROSTITUTES, ORGIES, AND NO CONDOMS IN SIGHT So clearly hands get tired, especially in a pandemic.  But in most of the United States, it’s against the law to get personal help in resting your poor appendage.  So to speak.  In other words, prostitution is largely illegal everywhere in the US.  But […] More

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Because Trump , Americans Gargling Bleach, Misting With Disinfectant

THANKS DONALD TRUMP, YOUR “JOKE” HAS AMERICANS GARGLING BLEACH AND MISTING DISINFECTANTS So fear is the mind killer.  Well, one of them, anyway.  But it is an ageless truth that fear makes people do stupid, even crazy things.  And Coronavirus is no exception.  Indeed, Covid-19 has opened quite the number of Pandora’s Boxes of late.  […] More

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Feisty Grandma Jennie Stejna, 103, Beats Covid and Has a Bud Light

JENNIE STEJNA, 103 YEAR OLD GRANDMA, BEATS CORONAVIRUS AND CELEBRATES WITH A BUD LIGHT So Coronavirus is all about the numbers.  The younger you are, the better off you are.  Especially if you catch it.  If you smoke, those numbers are bad. If you have other health problems, bad.  Pretty much, you want to be […] More

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Because Black People Might Buy Guns, Walmart Finally Removes Them Nationally

WALMART REMOVES GUNS FROM ALL STORES NATIONALLY, JUST AS BLACK PEOPLE MAY BUY THEM So we’ve had how many mass shootings in the United States in the past several years?  Well, if you don’t know the answer, it’s because there have been far too many.  Like, it’s been epic.  But the essentially defunct NRA has […] More

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Psychedelic Toad Venom Ritual, Penis Candles, Porn Star and Murder

DON’T EVER SMOKE TOAD VENOM WITH A PORN STAR WHO MAKES PENIS CANDLES, EVER So do you remember that time that you took part in that mystic ritual involving psychedelic toad venom, a porn star and penis candles?  Surely not.  Because if you could, you’d still be scarred.  So you forgot to protect yourself.  But […] More

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Final U.S. Civil War Pensioner Passes Away at Age 90

THE LAST U.S. CIVIL WAR PENSION RECIPIENT JUST PASSED AWAY AT THE AGE OF 90 Her name is Irene Triplett and she was the last person alive directly connected to the Civil War.  She just passed away.  And no, she wasn’t alive during during the war, of course.  But she was the very last person […] More

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Pre-Christian Israelites Smoked Cannabis in Ancient Temples

ANCIENT ISRAELITES SMOKED CANNABIS IN 2,700 YEAR OLD TEMPLE, RESEARCHERS PROVE So cannabis keeps coming up in the news.  It’s becoming increasingly legal across America.  Pot itself in classic joints, vapes of all flavors and varieties, you name it.  But  we also keep learning more and more how much humans have used cannabis over the […] More

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After 75 Day Vermont Retreat, Man Asks, Did I Miss Anything?

MAN TAKES 75 DAY RETREAT IN VERMONT, RETURNS TO THE WORLD AND ASKS IF HE MISSED ANYTHING Wow.  This is amazing.  I bet this guy felt like the groundhog and wanted to run back to shelter.  So he’s 33 years old and his name is Daniel Thorson.  Back in March, he checked into a silent […] More

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Pat Robertson (!) Slams Trump, Calls for Minnesota Justice

PAT ROBERTSON SLAMS TRUMP, CALLS FOR JUSTICE IN MINNESOTA, TO GET DISTANCE FROM SINKING PREZ? So I don’t like Pat Robertson.  Actually, I dislike him a lot.  With reason.  So I don’t know if a stopped clock is right twice a day or not here.  Maybe, what’s happening in the United States since the police […] More

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New Covid-Safe Desk Design Could Face Serious Criticism

SMART COVID-SAFE DESK DESIGN COULD HAVE PROBLEMS, LOOKS LIKE SWASTIKA Wow.  I’m guessing this is a cultural blind spot.  Because any other explanation deserves serious criticism and no forgiveness whatsoever.  All you have to do is look a the picture.  There just might be a small problem with the design.  What, you don’t see it?  […] More

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Flying Turtle Smashes Thru Car Windshield, Doesn’t Make It

FLYING TURTLE SMASHES THRU CAR’S WINDSHIELD ON SAVANNAH, GEORGIA HIGHWAY Usually, you want to see the disclaimer that no animals were hurt.  But this isn’t one of those times.  I mean we’re talking about a flying turtle.  Yes, a flying turtle.  In Savannah, Georgia, no less.  A resident and her brother were driving north on […] More

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WTF?! LG Poland Goes Upskirt in Latest Cell Phone Ad

HOW THE HELL COULD LG POLAND POST AN AD TOUTING IT’S CELL PHONE AS AN UPSKIRT DEVICE? So sometimes people in advertising make some bad calls.  But this kind of takes it to a totally new level.  Someone working for LG Poland put together an ad touting how good their new phone is to take […] More

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To Become Spiderman, 3 Bolivian Brothers Have Black Widow Bite Them

3 BOLIVIAN BROTHERS THOUGHT A BLACK WIDOW BITE WOULD TURN THEM INTO SPIDERMAN So I vaguely remember being a kid and seeing anxious adults looking on.  Some adults were so afraid of imaginations, we couldn’t play make believe in front of them.  Too dangerous!  And while I don’t recall what the game was, it was […] More

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Florida Home Doormat Says Get a Warrant, Police Oblige

DRUG DEALERS PUT DOORMAT THAT SAYS, COME BACK WITH A WARRANT, POLICE OBLIGE So Florida continues to be the funniest news generator anywhere.  Seriously.  This time, it comes from Flagler County.  The Sheriff’s Office there received some very helpful advice from a local house.  Sure, police get tips all the time.  They help quite a […] More

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NC Supreme Court Finally Says Middle Finger Not Probable Cause

MIDDLE FINGER TO A NC TROOPER TAKES 3 YEARS, SUPREME COURT TO RESOLVE So I really wish this surprised me.  But… no.  So I do understand policing is hard work.  It’s dangerous.  Many people automatically don’t like you.  I’ve certainly felt that way sometimes. And I have a lot of friends who are or were […] More

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Robbery Case Solved by 6-Year-Old Magnet Fishing, Sunken Lake Safe

LITTLE BOY MAGNET FISHING HAULS IN SUNKEN SAFE FROM COLD CASE ROBBERY So sometimes police need a little help solving their cases.  But as we all know, a lot of cases never close.  And when it comes to robberies, even if they catch the thieves, the items they stole disappear forever.  But not this time!  […] More

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Freaky! New Lickable Device Lets You Taste Any Flavor

JAPANESE INVENTOR CREATES LICKABLE DEVICE THAT DELIVERS VIRTUALLY ANY FLAVOR So technology continues to surprise!  I remember seeing Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory and that movie delivered some serious fantasy for adults and children alike.  But one particular item in that film that still amazed is the everlasting gobstopper.  Well, and maybe the lickable […] More

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Crazy! Science Proves Penguin Poo is Chock Full of Laughing Gas

NO, REALLY, PENGUIN POO EMITS A SHIT LOAD OF LAUGHING GAS! Sigh.  penguin poo?  So penguins make me laugh.  They’re funny!  If you don’t think so, you haven’t seen them in action.  They are full of antics.  They wobble around on land and are ridiculously cute.  But as clumsy as they are on land, they […] More

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Livestream This Year’s Summer Solstice At the Ancient Stonehenge

YOU CAN LIVESTREAM THIS YEAR’S SUMMER SOLSTICE IN ENGLAND FROM ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD Summer Solstice is right around the corner.  Wait, what?  You don’t know what that is?  It’s the longest day of the year.  In other words, the sun rises at the earliest time, and sets at the latest.  It’s the opposite of […] More

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Florida Official Removed For Refusing to Censor Coronavirus Numbers

FLORIDA’S CORONAVIRUS DASHBOARD MANAGER FIRED FOR REFUSING TO CENSOR OUTBREAK NUMBERS So color me surprised.  Not.  A Florida official just lost their job.  Why?  Because they refused to censor the real numbers of people infected with Covid-19.  Really.  The fired official was Rebekah Jones.  She was the data scientist who managed the virtual, public “dashboard” […] More

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Man Knocked Up Step-Daughter, 14, When Partner Went to Hospital

PIECE OF HUMAN TRASH KNOCKED UP 14-YEAR-OLD STEP-DAUGHTER WHEN PARTNER TOOK THEIR SICK BABY TO HOSPITAL So human trash exists everywhere.  This time, it’s in Leicester, England.  A woman took her sick baby to the hospital for treatment.  But while she was there with the sick baby, something horrible happened.  Her partner and the father […] More

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Cruise Ghost Ship Horror, Infested With Cannibal Rats

MYSTERY, AS RUSSIAN CRUISE SHIP FILLED WITH CANNIBAL RATS MAY STILL BE OUT THERE So here’s some more cruise ship news in the era of Coronavirus.  No, it didn’t happen recently.  But that’s just part of the story.  The cruise ship had the name MV Lyubov Orlova.  So if that sounds Russian, that’s because it […] More

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8-Week-Old Baby Lula Watches Strongman Vids, Stands

LULA IS A POWER CHILD, WATCHES STRONGMAN VIDS ON YOUTUBE AT 8 WEEKS, STANDS FOR FIRST TIME! So media is a powerful thing.  This proves it!  Sure, we’re all fully immersed in propaganda these days.  How else can you explain how reality doesn’t seem to have a wide audience?  And media simply doesn’t help all […] More

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Blow-Up Dolls Enforce Social Distancing in South Carolina Restaurant

REOPENED RESTAURANT, OPEN HEARTH, USES BLOW UP DOLLS TO ENFORCE SOCIAL DISTANCING So I’ve heard about all sorts of strange things when it comes to enforcement.  Weapons, communications, tools, barriers, sonic devices, barf devices, you name it.  But blow up dolls?  Nah, they have nothing to do with enforcement.  Till, now, anyways.  A restaurant in […] More

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Apple to Begin Reopening Stores in US, Canada at Last

AFTER 2 MONTHS, APPLE FINALLY REOPENING SOME STORES IN US AND CANADA So I’m actually surprised it took this long.  Reopening.  Apple certainly isn’t what I would call a necessary thing to have open, like a supermarket or health clinic.  But I’ve remained intensely surprised at how the stores have simply been totally… closed.  Like, […] More

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Brian May, Aging Queen Rock Star, Tears Ass While Gardening

QUEEN ROCK STAR GUITARIST BRIAN MAY TEARS HIS OWN ASS JUST BY GARDENING So I like the band, Queen.  They rocked and clearly still do.  But aging ain’t easy on anybody, which I am slowly learning myself.  But this wasn’t one of the things I thought I had to worry myself with.  Tearing my ass.  […] More

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What, Coronavirus Can Cause Psychosis, Too? What’s Next?

SO THANKS TO CORONAVIRUS, PSYCHOSIS IS ALSO ON THE RISE, BUT DON’T STRESS TOO MUCH ABOUT IT So I’m at a loss to figure out how to understand what this really means.  Coronavirus, if nothing else, has caused a degree of confusion that would stagger a bronze statue.  And no, I’m not referring to the […] More

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Young Jogger Gets Collapsed Lung from Wearing Coronavirus Mask

YOUNG JOGGER RESPONSIBLY WEARS MASK, SUFFER COLLAPSED LUNG AFTER 2.5 MILES Jeez, a collapsed lung?  So this lockdown is just rough.  And social distancing?  It’s mostly challenging because of all the assholes who refuse to take it seriously.  But we all still need to exercise, especially outside.  This is wearing on everybody.  So what’s the […] More

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Clever Boston Cop Plays Mating Call to Lure Escaped Peacock

CLEVER BOSTON COP USED MATING CALL TO LURE ESCAPED PEACOCK BACK INTO PROTECTIVE CUSTODY A mating call in Boston?  So this kind of makes me miss Boston.  But with the lockdown, I’m sure people living in Boston also miss Boston these days.  Shoot, I miss just walking down the sidewalk without the extra stress.  But […] More

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Perfect, Campy Space Opera Flash Gordon Releasing in 4K Resolution

PERFECT CAMPY SPACE OPERA, FLASH GORDON, SOON COMING IN FULL 4K So one of the greatest movies of all time is about to come out, again.  And we’re talking about Flash Gordon, of course.  If you’re under anything close to a ripe age, you may have no idea about this movie.  But there’s no excuse now.  […] More

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Louisiana Police Hunting Aggressive Chicken, But is On the Lamb

AGGRESSIVE CHICKEN TERRORIZES LOUISIANA BANK CUSTOMERS, BUT IT’S ON THE LAMB So the pandemic situation is hard on all of our public service people on the front line.  I can’t even imagine what it’s like to be a nurse, fireman or a cop.  But it must be a surreal job as a cop, to have […] More

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Moon Mining? The Trump Administration is Negotiating That

THE TRUMP ADMINISTRATION LOOKS TO CREATE ACCORD AGREEMENT FOR MOON MINING So nothing is sacred in our current political reality.  But by reality, I mean the un-reality of the Trump Administration.  With the Coronavirus Pandemic, it sure seems like we may be missing the bigger picture.  How?  Well, how about deregulating Clean Air?  Done.  Mercury […] More

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What?! Michael Jordan Could Have Played With Nowitzki?

MARK CUBAN TRIED TO CONVINCE MICHAEL JORDAN TO SIGN WITH MAVERICKS AT LAST MINUTE So we likely won’t ever hear enough about this.  And not in any real way from Michael Jordan directly.  But we’re now hearing that Mark Cuban tried an 11th hour push to sign Michael Jordan to the Dallas Mavericks when he […] More

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Asshat Republican Mitch Daniels Tries to Shield Right From Coronavirus Criticism

ASSHAT, REPUBLICAN, MITCH DANIELS WANTS TO AVOID ANY PARTY ACCOUNTABILITY AFTER CORONAVIRUS So it’s election season, 2020.  But it’s also a pandemic year, the first in over a Century.  All Americans are in various degrees of Lockdown.  We’re upset, anxious, furious and frustrated.  But only those sipping on rightwing snake oil are avoiding the biggest […] More

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These T1 Smart Glasses Will Show Authorities if You Have a Fever

NEW T1 SMART GLASSES WILL SHOW WEARER IF YOU, OR ANYONE AT ALL, HAS A FEVER So we thought things were already crazy with all this Coronavirus crap.  You know, how the weird, dark and scary future had already arrived?  Well, here’s some more to be aware of.  There are T1 smart glasses that already […] More

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Murder Hornets in the US, Killing Bees, Maybe People

NOW THE UNITED STATES HAS MURDER HORNETS THAT MURDER BEES AND CAN KILL PEOPLE So much for any good news during the Coronavirus Pandemic.  Now, once we finally get outside again, we have something else to worry about.  And yes, it’s a new invasive species.  It has a terrible name and a truly frightening size.  […] More

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Pandemic Lockdown Kills Sex Drive, Condom Sales Also Down

WORLD SEX DRIVE IS DOWN FROM CORONAVIRUS LOCKDOWN DEPRESSION, NO ONE BUYING CONDOMS So it’s hard to feel up with this Coronavirus pandemic lockdown business.  People are afraid, depressed and anxious.  All of that is more than enough to kill people’s sex drives.  And, well, here we are.  Just a few weeks ago, people joked […] More

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Phoebe Waller-Bridge Enjoys Lockdown With Wall of Plaster Penises

I’LL SEE YOU AND RAISE AGAIN, PHOEBE WALLER-BRIDGE SURVIVES LOCKDOWN WITH WALL OF PLASTER PENISES Plaster penises?  So this lockdown situation is hard on everybody, and I do mean hard.  Some of us are barely coping.  But we try to make do with what we can.  Sometimes, we have to make a seriously conscious effort […] More

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Lockdown Murder Horror, Police Find Man Dismembering Wife

LOCKDOWN MURDER LEAVES VICTIM’S FAMILY DEVASTATED, POLICE FIND HUSBAND DISMEMBERING HER BODY So the lockdown isn’t stopping murder, no sirree.  In fact, domestic abuse problems are only worse, as you can imagine.  But pretty much everyone is getting cabin fever these days.  And cabin fever can make people do terrible things to themselves and especially […] More

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Lockdown With No Pants, ABC News Reporter Flashes Viewers

ABC NEWS REPORTER REPORTS FROM HOME, FORGETS TO WEAR PANTS FOR TV SEGMENT So I don’t know if we’ve all been there.  Well, we ARE all there, right no.  If we’re lucky, we’re working from home during this epic Coronavirus lockdown.  Sure, it is full of challenges.  Video meetings, Zoom bombs, family distractions and, of […] More

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Owner of One Fatte’s Pizza Robs Another at Gunpoint

WHY DID THE OWNER OF ONE FATTE’S PIZZA ROB ANOTHER LOCATION, AT GUNPOINT? So I’ve never heard of Fatte’s Pizza before in my life.  But now, I’ll clearly never forget it.  Sure, I know all about New York pizza, and thus I’m an expert.  Well, on Neapolitan, anyway.  But California pizza?  Sure, I know it […] More

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Bowling Green, Kentucky Mayor Finds Woman Living in His Cellar?

FORMER COP, CURRENT MAYOR  OF BOWLING GREEN, KENTUCKY FINDS WOMAN LIVING IN HIS CELLAR There’s so much crazy news out there these days.  And now, we’ve go a kooky one involving the Kentucky mayor of Bowling Green, Bruce Wilkerson.  First off, Wilkerson looks like an aging gay porn star.  I mean, really.  But anyway, the […] More

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Acapulco Waters Light Up for First Time in 60 Years

ACAPULCO BEACH SEES GLOWING BIOLUMINESCENT WATERS FOR FIRST TIME IN 6 DECADES So I’m jonesing something fierce for some nice beach time.  Like everyone else, I’m in Coronavirus lockdown.  So no, I don’t live in Georgia.  But seeing these pictures just makes me hope all the more that we can go to the beach, pretty […] More

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Hero Volunteers Live 28 Days in Factory to Make PPE Supplies

HERO VOLUNTEERS WORK 12-HOUR SHIFTS, LIVE IN FACTORY FOR 28 DAYS TO FIGHT CORONAVIRUS So I wish we hear about more volunteer heroes like these people in Pennsylvania.  43 people made the choice to live and work in a factory for 28 days straight to produce tens of millions of pounds of the raw materials […] More

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Breast Implants Save Woman’s Life From Bullet Aimed at Heart

BREAST IMPLANTS, YES, FAKE BOOBS, SAVE WOMAN FROM BULLET TO THE HEART So I’ve never been much of a fan of breast implants, myself.  There’s something about fake boobs that just doesn’t do it for me.  Call me old fashioned.  But they give me the heebie jeebies.  And yet now I may have a sudden […] More

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Whisky is The Real Holy Water, According to Pope Francis

POPE FRANCIS RECEIVES GIFT OF SINGLE MALT WHISKY, SAYS “THIS IS THE REAL HOLY WATER” So I kind of like Pope Francis.  I mean, it’s hard not to, considering what we’ve had the last several decades.  And Ratzinger?  Don’t even get me started.  But Pope Francis seems to be way, way, more modern than anyone […] More

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Actor Brian Dennehy Passes Away at 81, Already Missed by Costars

BRIAN DENNEHY PASSES AWAY AT THE AGE OF 81, LEAVING BEHIND WIFE, 5 CHILDREN Well, dang.  I really liked Brian Dennehy.  I’m in my 40’s.  So the first movie I ever saw him in was Rambo: First Blood.  Sure, he was pretty much the bad guy who represented a bunch of awkward things which now […] More

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Flies Humping for 41 Million Years in Pornographic Amber

HUMPING FLIES ENDED IN STYLE 41 MILLION YEARS AGO IN AMBER So we all want to be immortalized.  Somehow.  But I’m not sure this is what any of us should be aiming for?  I mean, it’s cool.  And pretty unique.  But if I’m ever caught in flagrante, I’d rather be alive.  Shoot, I’d be happy […] More

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Oops, Fighter Jet Passenger Ejected by Accident in France

DEFENSE CONTRACTOR ACCIDENTALLY SELF EJECTED FROM FIGHTER JET IN FRANCE So I’m not sure how I missed this little nugget when it happened.  Maybe it had something to do with all the Coronavirus coverage?  But we need these little silly stories, especially when they are not bad news.  Just… silly news.  But keep this in […] More

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Trump Administration Wants to Mine Uranium Near Grand Canyon, End Ban

TRUMP ADMINISTRATION WANTS TO MINE FOR URANIUM AT THE GRAND CANYON DURING PANDEMIC So you may have heard.  Well, maybe not.  But Germany is making climate change, and how they produce clean energy, a top priority.  So why?  Because of the Coronavirus pandemic.  But why?  Because this pandemic is giving anyone with an ounce of […] More

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Play the NASA Video Game for You to Save Coral Reefs!

NASA MADE A VIDEO GAME FOR YOU TO PLAY THAT WILL HELP SAVE THE WORLD’S CORAL REEFS NASA may not have the best federal leadership these days.  But they’re still doing some good and important work.  Sure, we’re gonna go to the moon again.  Supposedly.  But we’ve got lots of work to do right here […] More

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Val Kilmer Has New Memoir, Says No Girlfriend For 20 Years!

UNBELIEVABLE, NO GIRLFRIEND FOR 20 YEARS! SAYS VAL KILMER IN NEW MEMOIR So I love me some Val Kilmer.  He’s one of those great stars who has done some incredibly varied work.  The first thing I ever saw him in was the 80’s classic, Real Genius.  If you don’t know it, check it out.  It’s […] More

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Best Coronavirus Lockdown Online Workout Might Be Conbody

GETTING DOUGHY IN THE CORONAVIRUS LOCKDOWN?  MIGHT BE TIME TO TRY CONBODY Hmmm.  Conbody.  So I don’t know about you.  But I’m feeling just a bit doughy lately.  Sure, I haven’t been too diligent with my workout regimen during this epic, seemingly endless Coronavirus lockdown.  But I can’t complain too much.  I’m still working, if […] More

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No Sex For Woman With Constant Arousal From Rare Condition

RARE CONDITION LEAVES WOMAN WITH AROUSAL ALL THE TIME, BUT CAN’T HAVE SEX So I’m not sure what to make of this story.  Personally, I mean.  It just seems unimaginable.  I mean, the idea of being turned on all the time seems a nice fantasy.  But then there’s the reality of life.  You just can’t […] More

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Asa Akira, Porn Queen, Donates PornHub $$$ to NYC Hospitals

ASA AKIRA SHOWS HER BIG HEART, WILL DONATE PORNHUB $$$ TO NYC HOSPITALS TO FIGHT CORONAVIRUS So I’ve heard of Asa Akira.  And no, it’s nothing like that.  Sure, she’s one of the reigning Queens of Porn.  After all, she has starred in over 500 porn movies.  That’s, um, a lot.  Um, of activity.  So […] More

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Columbia Tells Citizens to Wank During Pandemic Lockdown

GOVERNMENT OF COLUMBIA TELLS CITIZENS TO STAY HOME AND WANK, OR MASTURBATE FOR SQUARES Ah, for some honesty.  What I’d give these days for some honesty.  Well, sure, we have some honesty here in the United States.  But that’s like saying you’ve got water in muddy water.  And here?  We’ve got so much mud in […] More

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After Lockdown, Visit the Shipwreck Capital of Canada, Lake Huron

STUCK IN CORONAVIRUS LOCKDOWN?  MAKE PLANS TO VISIT CANADA’S SHIPWRECK CAPITAL THIS SUMMER So I love the water.  And right now, with the Coronavirus lockdown in effect, I love it even more.  But I can’t go out and swim, or travel somewhere new to have some fun exploration, either.  But I can certainly look online […] More

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Our Poo Will Measure True Coronavirus Impact Reality With RNA

CRAPPY WORLD, OUR POO WILL TELL US HOW BAD THE CORONAVIRUS PANDEMIC REALLY IS So after all is said and done, how big will this Coronavirus outbreak, pandemic, social upheaval catalyst be?  Well, for now, it’s hard to say.  So far, we’ve been looking at infection rates, recoveries, and deaths, of course.  But those numbers […] More

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Dyson Vacuum Inventor Designs Ventilator in 10 Days, Will Produce 15,000

DYSON VACUUM INVENTOR DESIGNS CORONAVIRUS VENTILATOR IN 10 DAYS, WILL MAKE 15,000 So have you heard of James Dyson?  He’s now a billionaire.  But he wasn’t always one.  He founded the Dyson company and has invented a number of amazing products.  But most people know about the seriously powerful and pretty pricey Dyson vacuums.  They […] More

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Villagers in India Forced Into Trees for Coronavirus Isolation

7 VILLAGERS RETURN HOME IN INDIA, FORCED INTO SELF-ISOLATION UP IN TREES FOR TWO WEEKS! So we thought we were having a hard time with Coronavirus in the West!  Well, because we are.  No one, pun intended, is immune.  But how this breaks down in different countries will continue to shock us.  This is certainly […] More

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Coronavirus Closes Dutch Museum, Thieves Steal Van Gogh Painting

AS CORONAVIRUS SHUTS DOWN THE WORLD, THIEVES STEAL VAN GOGH FROM DUTCH MUSEUM So I suppose we can expect a bit more of this.  The Coronavirus has changed the world, almost overnight.  Everything is closed, everywhere.  Schools, restaurants, businesses, museums…. But for one Dutch museum, the closure left it vulnerable.  So vulnerable, in fact, that […] More

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British Couple Murders Au Pair, Then Have Sex, Barbecue Body

CRAZY BRITISH COUPLE HIRE  AU PAIR, THEN IMPRISON, STARVE, TORTURE, MURDER POOR FRENCH GIRL So sometimes, some murder stories just seem all the more horrible.  This is clearly one of those murders.  The victim was a 21-year-old au pair, Sophie Lionnet.  Her murderers?  Sabrina Kouider and her lover, Oissem Medouni.  Sophie Lionnet was just 20 […] More

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Functional Crisis Manager, Yes, But Andrew Cuomo Still an Asshole

DESPITE CORONAVIRUS CRISIS MANAGEMENT, ANDREW CUOMO STILL DEFINITELY AN ASSHOLE So I keep hearing about how impressed everyone is with New York Governor Andrew Cuomo.  Ok, sure, he’s using a voice of reason as a crisis manager for his state.  And yes, New York will likely have the most Coronavirus deaths in America.  By far.  […] More

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Hot Russian Banker Survives Helicopter Crash, Arctic Cold

MIRACLE AS HOT RUSSIAN BANKER SURVIVES HELICOPTER CRASH IN REMOTE, ARCTIC COLD So here’s some sort of good news.  Well, it was good for the hot Russian banker, Alexandra Bogomolova.  Well, mostly.  Alexandra was on her way in a helicopter to (literally) one of the most remote weather stations in the world when the chopper […] More

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Portland Strippers Laid Off, Now Delivering Boober Eats

STRIP CLUB FORCED TO CLOSE UNDER ISOLATION ORDER, STRIPPERS DELIVER FOOD GOODIES So now strippers make house calls?  What a world.  Well, maybe just a tease, really.  But with all the Coronavirus lockdowns everywhere, Portland was and is no exception.  There was this strip club, see, and its name was (is) the Lucky Devil Lounge.  […] More

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Republican Preacher Looking for Love, His Awesome Republican Goddess

CONSERVATIVE OLDER PREACHER LOOKING FOR LOVE, HIS AWESOME REPUBLICAN GODDESS So looking for love can be an endlessly challenging task.  But finding it?  That can be even more so.  And for one Republican preacher, he’s going the distance to find miss perfect.  But by miss perfect, he means an Awesome Republican Goddess.  Oh, yes.  Yes!  […] More

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Sex Doc Specialist Talks About How to Have Multiple Orgasms

SEX DOC TELLS INSTAGRAM FOLLOWERS, YES, MULTIPLE ORGASMS ARE REAL, HERE’S WHAT TO DO So much for not feeling like an underachiever.  But if  you need this advice, well, try not to feel that way.  And that goes for both the giver and the getter.  It takes two to tango.  But this is no tango.  […] More

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Walking Dead Zombie Actor Jailed for Biting Domestic Fan

BRAINDEAD WALKING DEAD ZOMBIE ACTOR JAILED FOR BITING FAN GIRLFRIEND Wow.  So much to say, too much irony in my diet.  So.  You may be aware that zombies have dominated TV now for some time.  We’ve gotten so used to violence that undead violence is now just an exploration art form.  And yet, somehow, Zombies […] More

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Stuck at Home? Comfort Baileys Slow Cooker Recipe the Fix Mix

MAKE SOCIALLY ISOLATED SELF SOME COMFORT FOOD WITH BAILEYS MALTESERS FUDGE So you’re stuck at home?  Most likely, you are.  Maybe you’re working remotely, if you’re lucky.  But even if you’re not, we all need comfort food in these crazy Corona Virus pandemic days.  And what could be better than getting out your slow cooker […] More

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Thrift Store Score! Salvador Dalí Wood Engraving Print Found

DREAM SCORE FIND, SALVADORE DALI WOOD ENGRAVING PRINT IN NORTH CAROLINA THRIFT STORE So you must know who Salvador Dalí is, right?  The Spanish surrealist painter?  The guy with the crazy, iconic mustache?  Yeah, you know Salvador Dalí.  But a thrift store owner did NOT know the famous artist’s work, that’s for sure.  We know […] More

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The New and Current Era of Social Distancing, Isolation

THE NEW ERA OF ISOLATION AND SOCIAL DISTANCING WILL CHANGE HOW WE THINK ABOUT EVERYTHING So much has changed, and is changing, in this sudden new era of pandemic across the world.  Regardless of what you think about how well your government responded in the last two weeks, they are all responding now, and how.  […] More

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Oil Person RuPaul Makes Tons of Fracking Money on Wyoming Ranch

POPULAR DRAG QUEEN ICON RUPAUL TURNS OUT TO BE AN OIL PERSON MAKING MONEY ON FRACKING So it sucks to hear bad news about people that you thought were cool.  And now we have some more of that, big time.  But big time represents both the extreme height of the celebrity RuPaul as well as […] More

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3 Guests At Trump’s Mar-A Lago Resort Test Positive for Coronavirus

3 GUESTS AT DENIALIST TRUMP’S MAR-A-LAGO RESORT TEST POSITIVE FOR CORONAVIRUS So the hits keep on coming.  We’re going to keep hearing about people testing positive for Coronavirus for some time to come.  But it’s worth noting that some people, like Trump, took quite a long time to acknowledge there was a pandemic in the […] More

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Asshat With Failed Brakes, Truck Destroys Easter Island Head Statue

PRICELESS PIECE OF HUMAN HISTORY REDUCED TO RUBBLE BY TRUCK’S FAILED BRAKES? So at first when I heard the first reports of this, I totally assumed some asshole deserved to suffer some awful moral consequence for destroying one of the priceless, mysterious Easter Island Head Statues.  But alas, it wasn’t that the driver was an […] More

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Your Again Fashionable Polyester is Shedding a LOT of Microplastics

NEW STUDY SHOWS THAT JUST WEARING POLYESTER CAUSES MICROPLASTIC SHEDDING, AND HOW So if you can read the English language, you’re almost certain to be in some degree of lockdown and disruption from the Coronavirus.  Well, even if you don’t speak English, as this is becoming a universal truth for a while.  But regardless, you […] More

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Kate Beckinsale Dishes on More Harvey Weinstein Screaming Abuse

KATE BECKINSALE REVEALS MORE HARVEY WEINSTEIN ABUSIVE BEHAVIOR NOW THAT HE’S IN PRISON So Harvey Weinstein is in the news again.  You may have heard he received a sentence of 23 years in prison for his sexual assault shenanigans.  Well and good.  And about time.  But we haven’t heard the last of his disgusting abusive […] More

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Ming the Merciless, Max Von Sydow, Passes Away at 90

BOND VILLAIN, MING THE MERCILESS ACTOR MAX VON SYDOW DIES AT 90 So this just sucks to hear.  And I know, believe me I know, there’s a lot of bad and scary news out there right now.  But I don’t want to miss out on recognizing this loss.  Max Von Sydow was an actor who […] More

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Dolly Parton to Celebrate 75th Birthday With 2nd Playboy Spread

DOLLY PARTON ABOUT TO TURN 75, WANTS TO CELEBRATE BY APPEARING IN PLAYBOY, AGAIN So I’m old.  I’m so old that the first time I ever say Dolly Parton, it was in the movie, 9 to 5.  So that’s kind of old.  But I’m not as old as Dolly Parton, that’s for sure.  When I […] More

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Top Pinterest Home Trends We Can’t Wait to Try Out in 2020

FUN PINTEREST HOME TRENDS TO EXPLORE IN THE NEW 2020 YEAR A new decade brings in new home trends. There’s a variety to choose from, and it’s up to you to choose one or two decor novelties. These will lighten up your decor and make it new. But, as much as we love to keep […] More

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Smokers Beware! Cigarettes Make Coronavirus Much Worse

CORONAVIRUS WILL PUT CIGARETTE SMOKERS AT GREATER RISK OF INJURY So here’s some more Coronavirus news.  And I should say, it’s no surprise to hear at all.  If you’re a smoker, you already know you should quit.  But now it’s an even better time to throw your cigarettes away.  Get a patch, or Nicorette.  Maybe […] More

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Aussie Thief Uses Reel Fishing Rod to Steal Versace Necklace

REEL CRIME DOWN UNDER, AUSSIE MAN STEALS VERSACE NECKLACE WITH FISHING ROD So have you ever gone fishing?  I have.  But never like this.  I’ve fished on two continents, rivers, oceans and even mountain lakes.  And no, I’m not a good fisherman.  I’ve dipped my toes in, so to speak.  But something I’ve never tried […] More

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Golden State Killer to Plea Guilty to 13 Murders, No Death Penalty?

GOLDEN STATE KILLER LOOKS FOR PLEA DEAL TO AVOID DEATH PENALTY So you’ve probably already heard about Joseph DeAngelo.  He’s the 74-year-old who we now believe is the Golden State Killer.  He marks the first high profile murder investigation where genetic genealogy identified the culprit.  California prosecutors have been seeking the death penalty in his […] More

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Crazy, Tables and Counters Can Now Hack You Cell Phone

HACKERS NOW HAVE A CHEAP EASY WAY OF A CELL PHONE HACK SIMPLY USING A TABLE OR COUNTERTOP So the new and modern world keeps changing the game that we’re all in.  But by game, I really mean the modern world of common technology.  Absolutely everyone has a cell phone these days.  And that means […] More

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Coronavirus Hits Hollywood, New James Bond Release Film Delayed

CORONAVIRUS HITS HOLLYWOOD, AS NO TIME TO DIE RELEASE MOVES TO NOVEMBER So Coronavirus is making its mark in a host of ways.  And, there are sure to be many, many more.  But for now, in the midst of all the new cases we see every damn hour, there’s a new impact.  James Bond.  Notably, […] More

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Police Arrest Two for Possession of Whale Vomit, Ambergris

MUMBAI POLICE BUST TWO FOR ILLEGAL POSSESSION OF WHALE VOMIT, AMBERGRIS So this is educational.  Number one?  I had no idea there was such a thing as whale vomit.  Yes, whales barf.  And so there is whale vomit in the world.  Well, maybe not vomit, exactly.  But’ we’ll get to that.  Two, whale vomit has […] More

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Disney Goes Vegas as Minnie in Cat Fight, Mickey & Goofy Bouncers

DISNEY CHARACTER MINNIE MOUSE DELIVERS EPIC BEATDOWN ON LADY SECURITY GUARD So much for what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.  Especially when Disney goes to Vegas!  Not only did this scene NOT stay in Vegas, it went viral, to boot.  So what happened?  Well, a scene old Walt would never write, that’s for sure.  […] More

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Woman Hears Cheating Husband’s Sex Sessions on Amazon Alexa

WIFE CATCHES HUSBAND IN LIE WHEN AMAZON ALEXA PLAYS AUDIO OF CHEATING HUSBAND So Alexa, can you play me the recording of my cheating husband having sex with another woman?  Well, the answer evidently appears to have been yes at least once so far.  So before I delve into more of the details, I should […] More

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Generation Z Will See Half the World’s Beaches Disappear by 2050

GENERATION Z WILL LIVE TO SEE HALF THE WORLD’S yBEACHES DISAPPEAR BY 2050 So here’s the deal.  Climate change is here and it’s here to stay.  But while we obviously don’t know all that this means, we learn more every single day.  And the latest news just cements how adults these days have totally screwed […] More

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Ultimate Creep Florida Worker Sucked on Patients’ Toes

FORT MYERS HOSPITAL PATIENT FACES ULTIMATE CREEP WORKER, SUCKING HER TOES So here’s a new one, even for a news junkie like me.  A Florida hospital worker, the ultimate creep, is in some hot legal water after he sucked on patients’ toes.  Well, it’s unclear really if it was multiple.  But it seems likely, considering […] More

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Fear, Stupid People, Coronavirus Make Bad Timing for Corona Beer

AMERICANS CAN BE GULLIBLE, STUPID PEOPLE, JUST ASK CORONA BEER So maybe this was inevitable?  I mean, it’s not like beer is politically partisan.  Well, not in any obvious way among consumers, anyway.  But fear crosses all demographics, always.  And this time?  It’s a fear worth having, the Coronavirus.  As of this writing, there are […] More

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Rat Bites New York Man’s Penis in Jail, Now It’s Ratfukked

RATFUKKED MEANS A RAT BIT YOUR PENIS WHILE YOU WERE IN JAIL AND IT STILL HURTS So a word to the wise.  The word is ratfukked.  If you can’t do the time, don’t do the crime.  But this story only goes to reinforce that sage advice.  And what a story it is!  A man, Peter […] More

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Porn Icon Riley Reid Talks About Loneliness of Sex Stardom

RILEY REID TALKS ABOUT HOW BEING A PORN STAR MAKES DATING A HUGE, LONELY CHALLENGE So I must admit that I already knew the name, Riley Reid.  But like many, I’m sure my initial reaction to this news was a little surprise.  It was, wow, she seems older than I imagined!  Well, maybe not so […] More

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Free! Smithsonian Releases 2.8 Million Images Into Public Domain

SMITHSONIAN RELEASES OVER 2.8 MILLION IMAGES AT ONCE INTO THE PUBLIC DOMAIN, FOR FREE So do you like history?  Or how about design?  You know, playing with images.  Maybe you’re a student.  Or maybe you just like Photoshop too much in your spare time?  Well, regardless, this is big news even if you don’t.  The […] More

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BMW Driver’s More Likely to Be Assh0les, Says Science

CASE STUDY FINDS BMW DRIVERS MUCH MORE LIKELY TO BE ASSH0LES So we’ve all been there.  You’re driving your car around.  It could be over a coiuple days.  Or even one!  And you realize, everyone who drives that kind of car is a total assh0le.  But it turns out, you just might be right!  And […] More

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Yale Study: Texas Fracking Causes Higher Rates of Lone Star STDs

RIDICULOUS YALE STUDY SAYS TEXAS FRACKING CAUSES HIGHER RATES OF STDS So this news comes from a study at Yale University.  You know, one of them Northeast elitist schools?  But despite that, you might just want to read on a bit.  Because this is strange news, indeed.  Yale’s School of Public Health published their research […] More

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Four NYC Babies Get Fatal Herpes From Circumcision

FOUR NYC BABIES GET CIRCUMCISION HERPES SINCE DECEMBER, WHAT?!? So what the hell?  Babies with herpes?  From a circumcision?  It’s the kind of thing to give anyone nightmares.  I just might.  4 NYC babies recently got herpes from a strange and dangerous tradition of circumcision.  Really.  But even worse?  The herpes can be fatal.  So […] More

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Ancient Dirty Harry Endorses Mike Bloomberg for President

SAD STORY AS DIRTY HARRY ACTOR ENDORSES EMPTY SUIT BILLIONAIRE, MIKE BLOOMBERG FOR PREZ So this makes me sad.  Well, sadder, really.  Why?  Well, because I like a lot of Clint Eastwood’s movies, that’s why.  And when artists we like disappoint us, it makes it harder to like them.  Or their work.  And this time […] More

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Train Conductor Wins After Getting Fired for Sexy Photos

CANADIAN PACIFIC RAIL FIRES CONDUCTOR FOR SEXY INSTAGRAM PHOTOS, LOSES LAWSUIT So that’s what a train conductor looks like these days?  I had no idea!  And if it was up to Canadian Pacific Rail, none of us would!  Her name is Stephanie Katelnikoff and, well, she’s pretty hot.  But she seemingly made a mistake when […] More

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Florida Officials Close Public Park for Yearly Snake Orgy

SO MANY SNAKES CAME OUT TO MATE IN MASSIVE SLITHERING SNAKE ORGY, FLORID OFFICIALS CLOSED PARKS So we’re now a bit past the commercial orgy of romance we call Valentine’s Day.  Shoot, Groundhog Day is just a shadow already.  But the cycle of life moves on.  So for snakes in Florida, they have Valentine’s Day […] More

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Drunk Driver Kills Pedestrian, Drives Mangled Headless Body to Bar

HORROR SCENE AS AUSTIN DRUNK DRIVER HIT’S PEDESTRIAN AND DRIVES ON WITH HEADLESS, MANGLED BODY TO BAR Drunk drivers are a menace.  But everyone knows that.  Yet this story shows that even the strictest DUI laws don’t prevent horrors like this.  A man in Austin, Texas got drunk and then drove his car.  And then […] More

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Woman Plays Violin During Brain Cancer Brain Surgery

DOCTORS HAVE WOMAN PLAY VIOLIN DURING BRAIN SURGERY TO MAKE SURE SHE DIDN’T LOSE HER ABILITY TO Sometimes you read about something that you can’t believe is real.  This is one of those times to be sure.  So there is a woman who had a brain tumor in the right frontal lobe of her brain.  […] More

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Coronavirus Panic Causes Spike in Private Jet Demand, Rich Stranded

WEALTHY PANIC OVER CORONAVIRUS MAKES HUGE JUMP IN PRIVATE JET DEMAND So everyone knows about the Coronavirus.  It’s here, it’s there, it’s pretty much everywhere.  Well, if not the virus, then the fear it causes.  That is everywhere.  So far, we just don’t know enough about it to know how bad it’s going to be.  […] More

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Woman Takes My Little Pony Support Animal On Domestic Flight

MY LITTLE PONY FLIES THE FRIENDLY SKIES, SUPPORT ANIMAL GOES DOMESTIC Well, I thought I had heard it all.  Support animals are important.  Clinical studies show that they can be incredibly helpful for people’s health.  So much so, that support animals have become so normal, you just might see one every day.  Well, you might […] More

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NASA is Recruiting Applicants! Do You Want to Be an Astronaut?

NASA IS RECRUITING FOR NEW ASTRONAUTS, AN AMAZING ADVENTURE AWAITS So I’ve got to say that I never thought I had the wrong degrees.  But now, I kind of do.  Well, not that my wife would ever let me go into space.  Not a chance.  But a man can dream, right?  But maybe you have […] More

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Japanese Firm Offers Sex Doll Funerals, With Porn Star Rei Kato

SEX DOLL ALL WORE OUT?  NOW A JAPANESE COMPANY OFFERS FUNERALS TO SAY THAT PERFECT GOODBYE Sex doll funerals?  So I’ve been hearing about the rise of sex dolls all over the world.  But I wouldn’t say it’s exactly normal to have one (or six!) quite just yet.  And yet, I may need to revise […] More

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Mom Pissed, Nursery Staff Write Message On Her Baby With Marker

MOM FURIOUS WHEN NURSERY STAFF WRITE HER A MESSAGE IN PERMANENT INK ON HER BABY’S BELLY So being a parent has all sorts of challenges.  But one of the earliest is often good and safe childcare.  If you’re a parent, you know what I’m talking about.  I certainly went thru this, especially when my kid […] More

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Man Rushes to Hospital With Blue Legs, Diagnosis: Idiot

MILLENNIAL HAS BLUE LEGS, RUSHES TO HOSPITAL FOR DIAGNOSIS: IDIOT So I’m no hypochondriac.  Thank God.  But I have been, and can be, an idiot.  It’s an X,Y thing.  But I’ve never been this much of an idiot.  I mean, really.  Have you ever looked down at your legs and realized they were blue?  Like, […] More

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Man Gets 3 Day Hard-On Using Bull Viagra for Breeding

MAN TAKES BULL VIAGRA FOR BREEDING, MAN GETS 3-DAY HARD-ON, NEEDS HOSPITAL So what’s it take to get a rise out of you?  And no, that’s not a tongue in cheek query about a hard-on.  But for every guy out there, we all remember a certain age when the answer was just a stiff breeze.  […] More

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Not a Joke, Florida Gets a Bad Case of the Monkey Herpes

FLORIDA HAS SOME BAD MONKEY BUSINESS, WHICH NOW MEANS A BAD CASE OF MONKEY HERPES Monkey Herpes.  Yes, this is really a story about monkey herpes.  It’s real.  It’s out there.  But by out there, I mean Florida, of course.  That’s right.  Florida has a bad case of the monkey herpes.  Normally, I’d say this […] More

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Sex Slave for 31 Years, Venezuela Woman Finally Escapes Hell

MONSTER KEPT WOMAN A SEX SLAVE SINCE 1989, BUT THEN SHE ESCAPED So these stories keep cropping up.  People holding other people as prisoners for weeks, months, even years.  We’ve heard about basements, closets, chains and sometimes the prisoners are children.  But this time, we’re hearing about 31 years, living as a sex slave?  Because […] More

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Banana Republic: Trump’s DOJ Undermines Prosecutors in Stone Case

IT’S OFFICIAL, THE UNITED STATES IS NOW A BANANA REPUBLIC WITH TRUMP AT THE HELM So how do you know if you live in a Banana Republic?  Well, one easy way to know for sure is when your country’s leader interferes with the court system.  And by interferes, I mean undermines, ignores or overrides it.  […] More

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Sudden Decline in Bumblebees Leading to Mass Extinction

BUMBLEBEE POPULATIONS DROPPING SO FAST, MASS EXTINCTION COULD ARRIVE SOON So things are getting worse.  No, that’s not news to anyone that’s paying attention.  But a recent study talking about the sudden decline in bumblebees worldwide should demand it.  Why? Well, because if bees disappear, we could all be in big trouble, and fast.  As […] More

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Tandem Duo Russian Spacecraft Stalking US Spy Satellite

TANDEM, RUSSIAN SPACECRAFT ARE STALKING BRAND NEW US SPY SATELLITE So what in the hell is going on with this story?  A senior US military commander (think, general) has told Time Magazine that there is some shady business going on hundreds of miles above our heads.  What kind of shady business?  The national security kind.  […] More

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El Paso Cop Convicted of Rape Gets No Jail Time, Not a Joke

JURY CONVICTS EL PASO COP OF RAPE, GIVES HIM NO JAIL TIME, NONE AT ALL So his name is William Ollie Alexander.  And yes, that is another serial killer or presidential assassin’s name.  Alexander raped a woman.  He’s a rapist.  But even worse?  He’s a El Paso cop!  He raped a woman while he was […] More

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Police Catch Drug Smugglers With Bags Marked, Bag Full of Drugs

DRUG SMUGGLERS USED BAGS WITH PRINT, BAG FULL OF DRUGS, TO… SMUGGLE DRUGS So police must have a good time, at least sometimes.  I mean, we all need a good laugh every single day.  Don’t we?  And Florida provides us with a good laugh at least once every week.  No, really.  Here’s another instance of […] More

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Student Loan Company Sends Man 55,000 Bill Letters

OHIO FAMILY RECEIVED 55,000 COPIES OF THE SAME STUDENT LOAN BILL So I have to admit that I had student loans.  It’s been years.  But I paid them off over many years as well.  I don’t miss them.  And I really don’t miss the extra hassle in my budget every month.  But most people who […] More

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Galápagos Tortoise Thought to Be Extinct Are Still Around

LONESOME GEORGE TORTOISE NOT EXTINCT! RESEARCHERS DISCOVER MORE ON GALAPAGOS ISLANDS So it’s about time we heard about some good news, don’t you think?  In what researchers are calling “a story of hope,” we finally get some.  Do you remember Lonesome George?  He  was the over 100 years old tortoise that died back in 2012.  […] More

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School Showed Lion King at Fundraiser, Disney Charges $ For Infringement

DISNEY FINES SCHOOL ONE THIRD OF THE PROCEEDS RAISED AT EVENT THAT PLAYED LION KING Oh, Lion King.  So I wonder how Shakespeare, whoever he/she/they are, would feel about this?  Or any of the Renaissance painters?  Because their work made a lot of money.  But only after they were dead.  Shoot, how about Walt Disney […] More

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Climate Change Killing This Year’s Popular Rally Sweden Race

CLIMATE CHANGE IS KILLING ANOTHER RACE THIS YEAR, THE RALLY SWEDEN So this is pretty sad news.  Well, maybe because it’s because I finally saw that period movie about Ford winning Le Mans half a century ago.  It really plugged me in to the visceral passion race drivers and their teams have for their sport.  […] More

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Idiot Orangutan POTUS Sends Congrats to Wrong State for Super Bowl Victor

ORANGUTAN IN CHIEF POTUS OFFERS CONGRATS TO SUPER BOWL CHAMPS IN WRONG STATE So I watched the Super Bowl.  It’s been a while.  But it’s yet another year where the Super Bowl was the only game I watched.  Yes, it’s the fanfare.  The glitter.  But mostly, it’s watching the most expensive commercials in the world, […] More

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US-Mexico Authorities Find Longest Tunnel for Smuggling, Ever

MEXICAN AUTHORITIES FIND THE LONGEST US-MEXICO SMUGGLING TUNNEL, BY FAR So I can’t help but recall a scene from one of the Fast & Furious films where they drove under the US-Mexico border crossing.  Well, raced across I suppose is a better description.  It seemed ludicrous.  But that’s because it was.  Yet authorities in Palm […] More

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Black Michigan Man Goes to Bank to Deposit Checks, Bank Calls Police

BLACK MICHIGAN MAN GOES TO TCF BANK TO DEPOSIT CHECKS, TCF BANK CALLS POLICE FOR FRAUD So this isn’t a good look.  A black man in Michigan is suing a Midwest bank.  Why?  He says they committed racial profiling against him.  And, well, it seems hard to disagree with him.  What happened?  He went to […] More

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United States Senate Republicans, Thy Name is Heretofore Cowardice

SURPRISING NO ONE AT ALL, THE UNITED STATES SENATE SHALL HERETOFORE HAVE THE NAME, COWARDICE What a bad day.  So much for faith in the Republic, tradition and supposed American values.  And no, this is not histrionics.  This is merely one citizen’s voice, calling out into our contemporary maelstrom, yet another voice unrepresented by a […] More

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Dutch Cops Arrest Pickpocket With 30 Phones in Shorts at Concert

PICKPOCKET UNDER ARREST BY DUTCH COPS, PICKPOCKET LIFTED 30 PHONES, STUFFED INTO SHORTS So I hate pickpockets.  They’ve only targeted me a couple of times in my life so far.  But fortunately for me (knock on wood), they had no success.  The first time was in Europe and it was totally cliché.  They were Gypsies […] More

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Remembering Kobe Bryant, And Lamenting a Future Without Him

LAMENTING THE LOSS OF KOBE BRYANT WILL GO ON AS WE CONTINUE REMEMBERING HIM So.  It’s hard to write about loss.  But it’s especially hard to write about loss that’s hard to describe, hard to identify.  I first heard about Bryant’s death in the helicopter crash from a friend, moments before the news cascaded from […] More

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Northern Cali Vineyard Loses 100,000 Gallons of Wine in Spill

100,000 GALLONS OF WINE LOST FROM NORTHERN CALI VINEYARD IN MASSIVE SPILL Yowza.  I’ve heard of some massive spills before.  But not one that made me as sad as this one.  Well, excepting the Exxon Valdez, of course.  But this spill is something other than the usual.  I don’t know if you’ve heard, but there’s […] More

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Suspect Flies Mercedes over San Joaquin River, Dies on Landing

CALIFORNIA MAN FLEES POLICE, FLIES MERCEDES ACROSS SAN JOAQUIN RIVER, DIES ON LANDING Now I have to visit this site at the San Joaquin river!  So high speed chases can be really, really dangerous.  I don’t know if you’ve ever fled from the police.  But most who’ve tried, fail miserably.  And miserably can also mean […] More

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Razor Clawed Rooster Kills Owner Going to Cockfight

ROOSTER WITH RAZOR CLAWS KILLS OWNER ON THE WAY TO COCKFIGHT So I have to start talking about this story with a certain level of, well, incredulousness.  I mean really, when’s the last time you heard about a rooster with razor blades on its claws.  A razor clawed rooster?  It sounds like something out of […] More

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Rightwing Angry Over Burger King Piece, Damn That’s Good

RIGHTWING GROUP ALL ANGRY OVER BURGER KIND AD, DAMN THAT’S GOOD So if you say certain words, some people want to wash our mouth out with soap.  No, really.  Prurients live for being higher than thou.  Don’t believe me?  Well, have you seen the new Burger King ad where the refrain is, “Damn, that’s good”?  […] More

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Smartest Tech Grads Won’t Work for Evil Tech Giants

TOP TECH GRADS NOW REJECTING JOBS AT “EVIL” BIG TECH COMPANIES So we have all heard about how a lot of the Tech Giants, you know, like Google, Salesforce and Palantir and Facebook.  You know, the ones that are now Evil Tech Giants?  Well, as is often the case, people tend to follow the money.  […] More

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Milwaukee Woman Has Chest Pains, Waits 2 Hours in ER, Dies

YOUNG MILWAUKEE WOMAN WAITS IN ER FOR 2 HOURS, LEAVES FOR HELP ELSEWHERE ONLY TO DIE So much for being the best country with the best healthcare in the world.  Her name was Tashonna Ward.  She was only 25 years old.  Her job?  She was a daycare teacher from Milwaukee.  But recently, she wasn’t feeling […] More

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Uganda Authorities Bust Smuggler, Contraband in Fake Baby

SMUGGLERS CROSS UGANDA BORDER WITH FAKE BABY, DANGEROUS CONTRABAND So this is a new one for me.  I’ve heard about some crazy smuggling antics.  But a smuggler who stuffed illegal contraband in a fake baby?  Now, that’s a new one for me!  But that’s exactly what happened.  Uganda authorities had a nice bust when they […] More

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New South Wales Air Drops Carrots and Sweet Potatoes to Starving Animals

NEW SOUT WALES AIR DROPS CARROTS AND SWEET POTATOES TO PREVENT ANIMAL ARMAGEDDON So this is not something I expected to hear.  But it didn’t take me too long to decide it makes perfect sense.  By now, you’ve likely heard of the raging wild fires across much of Australia.  One mega fire alone likely killed […] More

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NYC Commuters Getting Extra Charge With Apple Pay

APPLE PAY DOUBLE CHARGING NYC COMMUTERS JUST BY WALKING BY TURNSTILE So I don’t commute on the NYC subway or bus system anymore.  But I did for quite a number of years.  I don’t miss it.  But if this was happening to me, I’d be pretty damn furious.  As it is, I don’t like the […] More

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NY Teen NASA Intern Finds New Planet on 3rd Day

NY HIGH SCHOOL SENIOR FINDS NEW PLANET ON 3RD DAY AS NASA INTERN So how did your internship go?  If I had to guess, it didn’t go quite as well as it did for one NY teen who was an intern at NASA.  Yes, NASA.  Somehow, his success is only now percolating down from the […] More

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Princess Meghan and Harry Upend The English Royal Family Narrative

PRINCE HARRY AND PRINCESS MEGHAN UPEND ENGLISH FAMILY NARRATIVE, AND HOW So if you’re on the Colonial side of the Atlantic, you either follow the English royal family’s business, or you don’t.  I don’t.  Well, usually that’s true, anyway.  I’m a damn Yankee, whatever that means.  But that being said, I’m not immune from being […] More

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The David Stern Legacy Is Intertwined With Magic Johnson, AIDS

THE FORMER NBA COMMISSIONER DAVID STERN LEGACY INDELIBLY INTERTWINED WITH MAGIC JOHNSON, AIDS So there has been a lot of huge fanfare with many celebrating the legacy of the recently passed away David Stern.  He was the Commissioner of the National Basketball Association from 1984 all the way to 2014.  Those are 30 incredibly long […] More

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Washington State Troopers Spend New Year’s Eve Battling Tumblegeddon

WASHINGTON STATE TROOPERS RESPOND TO TUMBLEGEDDON ON NEW YEAR’S EVE So you probably have heard of the word tumbleweeds before.  But most have likely never seen one in person.  Mostly, a tumbleweed is what you saw on tv. It’s that random ball of dried out something that rolls by in the eerie wind in a […] More

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A Miracle: Grand Canyon Hiker Missing 11 Days Found Alive

HIKER FROM TEXAS WAS MISSING IN GRAND CANYON, RANGERS FIND ALIVE AFTER 11 DAYS So this is a pretty amazing story.  His name is Martin O’Conner and the 58-year-old from La Porte, Texas disappeared in the Grand Canyon on December 22nd  People last saw him at the Yavapai Lodge, which is where he had been […] More

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Australian Man Uses Car to Make Pork Roast in Heat Wave

AUSTRALIAN MAN COOKS PORK ROAST IN OLD CAR DURING PERTH HEAT WAVE His name is Stu Pengelly and he decided to have some disturbing fun with the heat wave Down Under in Australia.  But yes, I know, using your car to cook, say, an egg is old news.  But what about actually cooking a pork […] More

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Vandals Deface Gandhi Photo, Steal Ashes on 150th Birthday

HINDU VANDALS DESECRATE GANDHI MEMORIAL ON 150TH BIRTHDAY ANNIVERSARY So much for what goes around, comes around.  Because I’d love to be there to see when this comes around.  But maybe that’s just me?  Because this is outrageous. Some misguided vandals did in India in early October.  It was just what would have been Gandhi’s […] More

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Iowa Man Has Pet Coyote, Fights to Keep it for Emotional Support

WATERLOO, IOWA MAN ADOPED COYOTE PUP, NOW FIGHTS TO KEEP IT AS EMOTIONAL SUPPORT ANIMAL So this is kind of epic.  I mean, there is always some kind of kooky animal news.  Shoot, the most recent video of a tiger trying to get to a child thru protective glass was kind of crazy.  But I’m […] More

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Canadian Takes Amputated Arm to Taxidermist to Hang Onto It

CANADIAN MAN AMPUTATES NERVE DEAD ARM, TAKES IT TO A TAXIDERMIST AS COOL IDEA So we’ve all heard the term that something cost you an arm and a leg.  But there’s something seriously wrong with that saying.  I’ve met a bunch of people who’ve lost one, the other, or even both.  And yes, they are […] More

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Is Chris Brummer Angling for a Trump 2020 Ambassador Appointment?

BELTWAY GOSSIP SAYS CHRIS BRUMMER WANTS TO BE AMBASSADOR BRATWURST, VIA TRUMP 2020 So it’s hard to keep up with Chris Brummer, who you may know as Dr. Bratwurst thanks to his ritzy degree in “German Opera.” The Georgetown law professor and former FINRA prosecution mill stooge keeps busy over the FINRA toilet, suppressing free […] More

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Man Shoots Texas Barber for Son’s Bad Haircut Before Christmas

MAN SHOOTS BARBER FOR SON’S SUPPOSEDLY BAD HAIRCUT IN TEXAS So I can’t say I’m the sort who puts too much stock in hairstyles.  Well, maybe I  should say in my own hairstyles.  I can certainly see getting a little upset over someone else’s. You know, if it was really bad.  But what counts as […] More

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Kentucky Shows Redneck Roots With Air Fryer Meth

YOUR REDNECK ROOTS RUN DEEP IF YOU HAVE LOCALS RUNNING DRUGS IN AN AIR FRYER So Kentucky is in the news!  Sure, they’ve got a recently defeated governor who pardoned a bunch of folks who gave him campaign money.  But that kind of old school, redneck jazz is pretty standard fare in Kentucky.  But what […] More

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German Santa Goes Underwater at Berlin Sealife Aquarium

KIDS AMAZED TO SEE SCUBA SANTA AT BERLIN’S SEALIFE AQUARIUM, BEARD AND ALL! So this is certainly not Santa Claus the way I remember him.  But it is certainly pretty cool.  And definitely wet!  And no, this isn’t Jason Momoa doing a holiday crossover in Berlin, Germany.  But it is a fairly new annual tradition, […] More

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Josh Brolin Attempts Taint Tanning, Instantly Regrets It

DON’T DO TAINT TANNING, SAYS JOSH BROLIN AFTER INSTANT HINDSIGHT REGRETS So do you remember that time that you thought it would be a good idea to get a nice sun tan on your bunghole?  No?  Maybe you didn’t recognize that word.  Maybe pucker hole?  A$$hole?  Well, how about your taint?  You know, it taint […] More

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California Bethel Megachurch Fundraising Off Raising Baby From the Dead

CALIFORNIA MEGACHURCH, BETHEL CHURCH, FUNDRAISING BY RAISING BABY FROM THE DEAD So much for the road to hell is paved with good intentions.  Because there are no good intentions in this whole escapade.  A little girl with the name Olive Heiligenthal passed away a week ago.  She was only two years old.  We don’t know […] More

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Lyft Pisses Off Users With Questionable Handles and Names

LYFT PISSES OFF USERS, NOTIFYING THEM TO CHANGE THEIR USER NAMES, OR ELSE So Lyft has jumped into the moderation purity bonfire and its feet are now burned.  Let’s just call those toes sausages, shall we?  So if that doesn’t make sense yet here’s some background.  Many service and social media platforms have taken some […] More

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Infection Resistant to Drugs Tracked to Pet Store Puppies

CDC TRACKS DRUG-RESISTANT INFECTION TO PET STORE PUPPIES So much for puppies just being cute.  Well, ok, they’re still cute.  But now they’re not as harmless as we’d like to remember.  Why?  Well, the CDC (Centers for Disease Control) has been looking into a nefarious infection they found in multiple US states.  And yes, it’s […] More

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Stone Age Danish Girl, Lola, Chewed Gum 5,700 Years Ago

A STONE AGE DANISH GIRL, LOLA, CHEWED GUM 5,700 YEARS AGO Her name was Lola.  Well, her name IS Lola.  Who knows what her phonetic name really was?  She paints a picture (well, we paint a picture of her now), that gives us a visceral look at humanity in Denmark more than 5 and a […] More

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Trolls Prove Evil Exists During National Epilepsy Awareness Month

TROLLS PROVE EVIL EXISTS WITH SHAMELESS ATTACK ON SOCIAL MEDIA DURING EPILEPSY AWARENESS MONTH So we all know that trolls suck.  Even if you don’t have much of an online, social media life, you know that trolls suck.  But did you know that they could be murderous?  Well, now you do.  And I’m going to […] More

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2 Mass Grave Sites from 1921 Tulsa Race Riots Found?

DID WE JUST DISCOVER 2 MASS GRAVES OF MURDERED AFRICAN AMERICANS FROM 1921? So you may not have heard of this before.  I certainly hadn’t.  But back in 1921, in Tulsa, Oklahoma, there was a massive race riot.  Historians know it as the Tulsa Race Riot of 1921, or as the Tulsa Race Massacre.  So […] More

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With Change in Utah State Law, Utah Destroys 1,000s of Gallons of Beer

UTAH CHANGES STATE LAW, DESTROYS THOUSANDS OF GALLONS OF BEER So ok, what the hell, Utah?  What’s wrong with you people?  Is common sense not something welcome within state lines?  I mean, really.  Because this is about just that: Common.  Sense.  Where did it go?  Did Utah have any to begin with?  Because whatever Utah […] More

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Australian Man Faces Mullet Discrimination Down Under

AUSTRALIAN MAN JED GADSBY FACES MULLET DISCRIMINATION DOWN UNDER This man’s name is Jed Gadsby.  And yes, that totally does sound like an Australian name.  But this Australian man was pretty stunned when he faced discrimination the likes of which Down Under has never seen before.  Mullet Discrimination.  That’s right, this man experienced Mullet discrimination.  […] More

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Pima County Deputy Attacks, Body Slams Quadruple Amputee Child

ARIZONA COP ATTACKS AND BODY SLAMS QUADRUPLE AMPUTEE CHILD IN STATE HOME So it seems that we hear news like this all too often.  Police using excessive force.  But we can’t also forget that police can also be amazing human beings, all the more so for carrying a badge.  But this story is about the […] More

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Police Arrest Florida Old Fart for GF Assault, Arguing Trump

OLF FART FLORIDA DONALD TRUMP FAN SLAMS GF TO GROUND, ARGUING ABOUT TRUMP IMPEACHMENT So sometimes in life, you don’t have to work too hard to connect the dots.  But that’s because sometimes, they’re all in a straight line.  And there are so many of them, they are practically a line already!  That certainly seems […] More

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Rise of Skywalker Actor Says Secrecy Affects Performances

RISE OF SKYWALKER RICHARD E GRANT SAYS PRODUCTION SECRECY IMPACTED PERFORMANCES So I guess this shouldn’t be too much of a surprise.  We’ve all heard about movies and secrets.  It’s become a major thing with cell phones and their cameras, pirating, leaking, etc.  But Richard E. Grant is now saying all the secrecy totally affects […] More

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Protests in Mexico Over Naked Emiliano Zapata Painting

EMILIANO ZAPATA, NAKED IN A PAINTING, SPARKS HOMOPHOBIC OUTRAGE, PROTESTS IN MEXICO CITY So much for art lovers.  But to be fair, art is often about controversy.  But rarely does it cause such an immediate outrage and reaction.  This time?  There’s a new exhibition at the Palace of Fine Arts in Mexico City.  It focuses […] More

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Ohio State Rep. Timothy Ginter Busted as Damned Liar Over Project Blitz

TIMOTHY GINTER, OHIO STATE REP. IS A DAMNED LIAR ABOUT PROJECT BLITZ Oops.  So this is sort of embarrassing.  His name is Timothy Ginter and he’s a State Representative for Ohio.  He’s a liar.  You may have heard of him as he’s a member of the GOP.  That’s right, he’s a Republican.  And no, there’s […] More

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Briana Smith Won Hooters Pageant, Wants to Be Mortician

MISS HOOTERS INTERNATIONAL BEAUTY PAGEANT WINNER BRIANA SMITH WANTS TO BE A MORTICIAN So I must admit I’ve been to a Hooters.  I was told they have good burgers.  And they do!  But honestly, it’s not the side of fries anyone really goes to Hooters for.  It’s all in the name.  But to be fair, […] More

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Man Killed by Own Home Shotgun Booby Trap

MAINE MAN DIES AFTER HOMEMADE SHOTGUN BOOBY TRAP SHOOTS HIM So this is one for the old Darwin Awards.  You know, that’s the award you get when you remove yourself from the gene pool in spectacular fashion?  And no, I don’t mean to say that this isn’t a tragedy.  But it clearly, CLEARLY, did not […] More

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79-Year-Old Delta Flight Attendant Fired Over Milk Carton?

DELTA FIRES MOST SENIOR FLIGHT ATTENDANT FOR SUPPOSED THEFT OF MILK CARTON So here’s the deal.  This isn’t really about a milk carton.  But you knew that already.  First off, this Delta flight attendant is 79 years old.  So you already know that she’s not a new hire.  But being a year away from her […] More

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Adonis Duck Dave Has Penis Removed for Too Much Quacking

DAVE THE ADONIS DUCK HAS TO HAVE PENIS REMOVED AFTER EPIC SOCIAL QUACKING So this is a sad story for every man to hear.  Regardless of where you like to do your thing, we are all birds of a feather.  But for Dave the duck, this Adonis has been doing way too much…. Quacking.  Yes, […] More

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iPhone Has Competition from Pablo Escobar’s Brother?

THE BROTHER OF THE LATE COLUMBIAN DRUG LORD, PABLO ESCOBAR, IS SELLING AN AMAZING NEW CELL PHONE So the world is a strange and mysterious place.  Sure, I knew that already.  But not there’s news that the iPhone may have competition on the close horizon, thanks to the late Pablo Escobar’s brother, Roberto.  No, this […] More

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DHS Wants to Use Facial Recognition on US Citizens Now, Too

DHS WANTS TO USE FACIAL RECOGNITION ON US CITIZENS WHEN THEY CROSS THE BORDER So we all know about facial recognition.  Shoot, it’s on most of our phones now, too.  But facial recognition comes with a major price which isn’t really too clear yet.  And yes, I am indeed talking about privacy.  We already live […] More

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MIT Lady Students Break Guinness Record for Sausage Bun Toss

MIT LADY STUDENTS BREAK RECORD FOR LONGEST SAUSAGE IN A BUN TOSS So normally, if you saw the keywords, MIT, lady, sausage, bun, students and toss, you’d pretty much assume you were in a porn site.  I mean come on, that’s funny and fair.  But this time those key words represent a new world’s record […] More

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Got Depression? Magic Mushrooms May Soon Give Treatment

FDA FINALLY ALLOWS RESEARCH TO USE MAGIC MUSHROOMS, PSILOCYBIN, TO TREAT DEPRESSION So for many, many years, magic mushrooms were anathema. Anathema?  They were illegal to grow, sell, use or pretty much even to look at.  But I suppose there may be cause, to some degree.  Magic Mushrooms are, after all, a hallucinogen.  Or, at […] More

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Man Loves Hot Pot, Man Gets Tapeworms in His Brain

MAN LOVES HOT POT SO MUCH, HE GOT TAPEWORMS IN HIS BRAIN Ok.  So first, what is hot pot?  If you didn’t already know, it’s a traditional Chinese cooking method.  You may have already heard of it as a steamboat.  So essentially, it’s a dish prepared using a simmering pot of soup stock at your […] More

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Retired MLB Player Takes Kids to Gun Range in Case of Bernie

RIGHT WING RETIRED MLB PLAYER TAKES HIS KIDS TO GUN RANGE IN CASE BERNIE WINS PRESIDENCY So I’m not a major league baseball fan.  But I know the name Aubrey Huff.  He was a more than decent player.  I mean, shoot, he won two World Series playing with the Giants.  But it’s a good thing […] More

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Your Mouthwash Negates Your Gains From Exercise

MOUTHWASH TOTALLY NEGATES POST EXERCISE LOW BLOOD PRESSURE BENEFITS So how’s this for some totally unwelcome news?  We all exercise.  Or at least we should, or do more than we say we have time for.  But exercise is good for you.  You live longer.  You lower your stress.  It even has a quick impact lowering […] More

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Twitter in Chief Trump Trumps James Joyce’s Ulysses

TRUMP HAS NOW EXCEEDED ULYSSES IN WORD COUNT, TWITTER IN CHIEF So what does this mean?  Well, it means that our Twitter in Chief and President of the United States, Donald Trump, has some damn sore fingers from all the tweeting he’s done while in office.  So far.  Three weeks ago on November 3rd, Trump […] More

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FINRA Tries to Un-Screw Pooch, Re-Hears Case Barring Broker

FINRA RE-HEARS CASE AGAINST BROKER, TRIES TO UN-SCREW THE POOCH FOR PUBLIC CONFIDENCE So this is kind of big news coming from the financial sector.  FINRA, or the Financial Industry Regulatory Authority, is doing something it almost never, ever does.  It’s re-hearing one of its own cases.  But why?  Well, there are some serious questions […] More

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Kansas City Weather Makes Town Smell Like Ass

KANSAS CITY HAD A COLD FRONT THAT MADE EVERYTHING SMELL LIKE ASS So a couple weeks ago, there was something pretty unusual and foul with the weather in Kansas City.  But no, it didn’t involve Trump misinforming local citizens.  This time.  But it did stink and it’s still strange to consider.  Locals in Kansas City […] More

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