Andrew Kuzyk

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Rise of Skywalker Actor Says Secrecy Affects Performances

RISE OF SKYWALKER RICHARD E GRANT SAYS PRODUCTION SECRECY IMPACTED PERFORMANCES So I guess this shouldn’t be too much of a surprise.  We’ve all heard about movies and secrets.  It’s become a major thing with cell phones and their cameras, pirating, leaking, etc.  But Richard E. Grant is now saying all the secrecy totally affects […] More

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Protests in Mexico Over Naked Emiliano Zapata Painting

EMILIANO ZAPATA, NAKED IN A PAINTING, SPARKS HOMOPHOBIC OUTRAGE, PROTESTS IN MEXICO CITY So much for art lovers.  But to be fair, art is often about controversy.  But rarely does it cause such an immediate outrage and reaction.  This time?  There’s a new exhibition at the Palace of Fine Arts in Mexico City.  It focuses […] More

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Ohio State Rep. Timothy Ginter Busted as Damned Liar Over Project Blitz

TIMOTHY GINTER, OHIO STATE REP. IS A DAMNED LIAR ABOUT PROJECT BLITZ Oops.  So this is sort of embarrassing.  His name is Timothy Ginter and he’s a State Representative for Ohio.  He’s a liar.  You may have heard of him as he’s a member of the GOP.  That’s right, he’s a Republican.  And no, there’s […] More

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Briana Smith Won Hooters Pageant, Wants to Be Mortician

MISS HOOTERS INTERNATIONAL BEAUTY PAGEANT WINNER BRIANA SMITH WANTS TO BE A MORTICIAN So I must admit I’ve been to a Hooters.  I was told they have good burgers.  And they do!  But honestly, it’s not the side of fries anyone really goes to Hooters for.  It’s all in the name.  But to be fair, […] More

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Man Killed by Own Home Shotgun Booby Trap

MAINE MAN DIES AFTER HOMEMADE SHOTGUN BOOBY TRAP SHOOTS HIM So this is one for the old Darwin Awards.  You know, that’s the award you get when you remove yourself from the gene pool in spectacular fashion?  And no, I don’t mean to say that this isn’t a tragedy.  But it clearly, CLEARLY, did not […] More

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79-Year-Old Delta Flight Attendant Fired Over Milk Carton?

DELTA FIRES MOST SENIOR FLIGHT ATTENDANT FOR SUPPOSED THEFT OF MILK CARTON So here’s the deal.  This isn’t really about a milk carton.  But you knew that already.  First off, this Delta flight attendant is 79 years old.  So you already know that she’s not a new hire.  But being a year away from her […] More

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Adonis Duck Dave Has Penis Removed for Too Much Quacking

DAVE THE ADONIS DUCK HAS TO HAVE PENIS REMOVED AFTER EPIC SOCIAL QUACKING So this is a sad story for every man to hear.  Regardless of where you like to do your thing, we are all birds of a feather.  But for Dave the duck, this Adonis has been doing way too much…. Quacking.  Yes, […] More

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iPhone Has Competition from Pablo Escobar’s Brother?

THE BROTHER OF THE LATE COLUMBIAN DRUG LORD, PABLO ESCOBAR, IS SELLING AN AMAZING NEW CELL PHONE So the world is a strange and mysterious place.  Sure, I knew that already.  But not there’s news that the iPhone may have competition on the close horizon, thanks to the late Pablo Escobar’s brother, Roberto.  No, this […] More

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DHS Wants to Use Facial Recognition on US Citizens Now, Too

DHS WANTS TO USE FACIAL RECOGNITION ON US CITIZENS WHEN THEY CROSS THE BORDER So we all know about facial recognition.  Shoot, it’s on most of our phones now, too.  But facial recognition comes with a major price which isn’t really too clear yet.  And yes, I am indeed talking about privacy.  We already live […] More

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MIT Lady Students Break Guinness Record for Sausage Bun Toss

MIT LADY STUDENTS BREAK RECORD FOR LONGEST SAUSAGE IN A BUN TOSS So normally, if you saw the keywords, MIT, lady, sausage, bun, students and toss, you’d pretty much assume you were in a porn site.  I mean come on, that’s funny and fair.  But this time those key words represent a new world’s record […] More

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Got Depression? Magic Mushrooms May Soon Give Treatment

FDA FINALLY ALLOWS RESEARCH TO USE MAGIC MUSHROOMS, PSILOCYBIN, TO TREAT DEPRESSION So for many, many years, magic mushrooms were anathema. Anathema?  They were illegal to grow, sell, use or pretty much even to look at.  But I suppose there may be cause, to some degree.  Magic Mushrooms are, after all, a hallucinogen.  Or, at […] More

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Man Loves Hot Pot, Man Gets Tapeworms in His Brain

MAN LOVES HOT POT SO MUCH, HE GOT TAPEWORMS IN HIS BRAIN Ok.  So first, what is hot pot?  If you didn’t already know, it’s a traditional Chinese cooking method.  You may have already heard of it as a steamboat.  So essentially, it’s a dish prepared using a simmering pot of soup stock at your […] More

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Retired MLB Player Takes Kids to Gun Range in Case of Bernie

RIGHT WING RETIRED MLB PLAYER TAKES HIS KIDS TO GUN RANGE IN CASE BERNIE WINS PRESIDENCY So I’m not a major league baseball fan.  But I know the name Aubrey Huff.  He was a more than decent player.  I mean, shoot, he won two World Series playing with the Giants.  But it’s a good thing […] More

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Your Mouthwash Negates Your Gains From Exercise

MOUTHWASH TOTALLY NEGATES POST EXERCISE LOW BLOOD PRESSURE BENEFITS So how’s this for some totally unwelcome news?  We all exercise.  Or at least we should, or do more than we say we have time for.  But exercise is good for you.  You live longer.  You lower your stress.  It even has a quick impact lowering […] More

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Twitter in Chief Trump Trumps James Joyce’s Ulysses

TRUMP HAS NOW EXCEEDED ULYSSES IN WORD COUNT, TWITTER IN CHIEF So what does this mean?  Well, it means that our Twitter in Chief and President of the United States, Donald Trump, has some damn sore fingers from all the tweeting he’s done while in office.  So far.  Three weeks ago on November 3rd, Trump […] More

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FINRA Tries to Un-Screw Pooch, Re-Hears Case Barring Broker

FINRA RE-HEARS CASE AGAINST BROKER, TRIES TO UN-SCREW THE POOCH FOR PUBLIC CONFIDENCE So this is kind of big news coming from the financial sector.  FINRA, or the Financial Industry Regulatory Authority, is doing something it almost never, ever does.  It’s re-hearing one of its own cases.  But why?  Well, there are some serious questions […] More

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Kansas City Weather Makes Town Smell Like Ass

KANSAS CITY HAD A COLD FRONT THAT MADE EVERYTHING SMELL LIKE ASS So a couple weeks ago, there was something pretty unusual and foul with the weather in Kansas City.  But no, it didn’t involve Trump misinforming local citizens.  This time.  But it did stink and it’s still strange to consider.  Locals in Kansas City […] More

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What the Hell is This Viral Baby Yoda Nonsense?

DISNEY, FAVREAU SADDLE AGING STAR WARS FANS WITH BABY YODA NONSENSE BEFORE CHRISTMAS Well, to sum it up. I have no idea.  But I’m pretty sure it has to do with Christmas.  So to be fair, I’ve gotta admit that I’m a nerd who was conscious in the 1970’s.  At least, I think I was.  […] More

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Dr. Bratwurst Chris Brummer Victim Talman Harris On the Road to Vindication

CHRIS BRUMMER AKA DR. BRATWURST VICTIM, TALMAN HARRIS, ON THE ROAD TO VINDICATION So you may not remember.  But back in 2014, a soft-spoken African-American investment broker, Talman Harris, found himself wrongfully barred from FINRA membership.  The father of two was outraged and has been ever since.  But there just may be some light at […] More

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Narwhal the Unicorn Puppy, Born With Magical Tail on His Head

RESCUED! NARWHAL THE LITTLE UNICORN PUPPY, BORN WITH A TAIL ON HIS HEAD Sometimes the fantastical is real in life.  This is surely one of those times, especially with the puppy cuteness factor.  And his name?  Narwhal the Little Magical Furry Unicorn.  Someone left this little darling abandoned out in the freezing cold!  But the […] More

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British Man’s Tea Pot on a Shelf Sells for $1.25 Million

TEA POT DECORATING BUSINESSMAN’S SHELF SELLS FOR $1.25 MILLION AT AUCTION So we all just may need to have a look around the house and make sure we know what’s sitting around.  But this is especially true of anyone who has a property filled with objects that may have been in the family for some […] More

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2018 Kilauea Eruption Caused Huge Phytoplankton Bloom

KILAUEA ERUPTION IN 2018 SPARKED AN UNEXPECTED, HUGE PHYTOPLANKTON OCEAN BLOOM So it seems even scientists can get surprised from time to time.  So no, this isn’t new news, per se.  But it’s finally getting some attention, as well as analysis.  Usually when we hear about volcanic eruptions in Hawaii it usually means evacuations.  Or […] More

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Chernobyl Control Room Now Open to Tourists

TOURISTS NOW ABLE TO VISIT THE CHERNOBYL CONTROL ROOM, IF ONLY BRIEFLY Seriously.  This is actually happening.  So you know how stupid and sad it is every time you hear about some poor idiot who died while taking a selfie in some precarious spot?  It happens all the time.  People can do stupid things in […] More

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Juli Briskman, Trump Bird Flipper, Wins Virginia Local Election

TRUMP BIRD FLIPPER, JULI BRISKMAN, WINS LOCAL ELECTION IN VIRGINIA So you might remember the name, Juli Briskman.  But even if you don’t, you remember the woman cyclist who flipped the bird to Trump’s motorcade as it drove past her in October, 2017.  Juli posted a photo of that moment on Twitter and her Facebook […] More

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Iowa Family Finds Basement Flooded With 5 Inches of Animal Blood

FAMILY’S HORROR AS BASEMENT FLOODED WITH 5 INCHES OF ANIMAL BLOOD So this is pretty much disgusting.  I don’t know about you.  But I’ve had to deal with domestic floods just a few times in my life.  But for me, all of them came from above.  And yes, one time it involved a neighbor’s bathroom.  […] More

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Arizona National Forest’s 1 Ton Wizard Rock Goes Missing, Reappears

1 TON WIZARD ROCK GOES MISSING FROM ARIZONA NATIONAL FOREST, SUDDENLY RETURNS I so love strange news.  And this certainly fits the bill in spades.  First off, I had no idea there was a local attraction with the name Wizard Rock in Arizona’s Prescott National Forest.  It weighs 1 ton, or 2,000 lbs.  So it’s […] More

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Nurse Gets $900,000 Bill for Preemie Birth, Hospital Care

NURSE RECEIVES HOSPITAL BILL FOR $900,000 AFTER DAUGHTER’S PREEMIE BIRTH So this is yet another reason why we can’t have nice things.  Well, the vast majority of us, anyway.  And yes, this is about healthcare and the insane costs that wreck most Americans’ financial lives.  But this time, the shame (or lack thereof) of the […] More

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Man Had Weed Balloon Stuck in Nose for 18 Years

POOR FOOL TRIED TO SMUGGLE WEED BALLOON INTO PRISON 18 YEARS AGO IN HIS NOSE, WHERE IT STAYED So do you remember that time that you tried to smuggle a weed balloon into prison almost two decades ago?  Well, of course not.  But that’s because it’s just a crazy idea to begin with.  But for […] More

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Pennsylvania Teen Genius Creates Tech Fixing Car Blind Spots

PENNSYLVANIA TEEN GENIUS TOTALLY FIXED A PROBLEM EVERYONE HAS: WINDSHIELD BLIND SPOTS So this shouldn’t be bothering me because I’m totally middle aged.  But I feel like an underachiever (again!) with the recent news of a teen genius from West Grove, Pennsylvania.  And by teen, I mean 14 years old!  Her name is Alaina Gassler […] More

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Indiana Woman Dead in Snake House, Reticulated Python Around Her Neck

TRAGEDY AS WOMAN KILLED BY HER OWN RETICULATED PYTHON IN AN INDIANA SNAKE HOUSE So much for common sense.  And yes, I know that’s possibly a little snarky.  But we’re talking about snakes that kill by squeezing their prey, usually by their necks.  So I really don’t understand snake fans who put reticulated pythons around […] More

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Egotistic Montreal Mayor Cancels Halloween, On Halloween

EGOTISTIC IDIOT OF A MONTREAL MAYOR CANCELS HALLOWEEN, BECAUSE SHE KNOWS BETTER So ok, the mayor of Montreal didn’t cancel Halloween.  But she sure as hell cancelled the hell out of it.  And that’s saying something.  So what’s the deal, here?  And by here, I do mean there, of course.  Well, Environment Canada issues some […] More

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Toothache Treatment Turns Woman’s Blood to Chocolate Brown Color

WOMAN TOOK A COMMON PAIN REMEDY FOR A TOOTHACHE AND IT GAVE HER CHOCOLATE BROWN BLOOD So everyone loves chocolate, am I right?  Well, maybe except for those two people I know who are allergic to chocolate, I suppose.  But maybe they like it, they just can’t have it?  Anyway, no matter how much the […] More

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Want to Try Some Guinea Pig Ice Cream? Try Ecuador!

YOU CAN NOW FIND YOU SOME GUINEA PIG ICE CREAM IN ECUADOR So this is one of those details that I keep forgetting.  Namely, that there are some countries not too far from the US where people eat guinea pigs.  Yes, they eat guinea pigs.  Not only is it not new, it’s practically its own […] More

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Arkansas Woman Says Her Brother Gave Her Meth Sandwich

AT TRAFFIC STOP, ARKANSAS WOMAN SAYS BROTHER GAVE HER A METH SANDWICH So I have never, ever, heard of anything like a methamphetamine sandwich.  Well, until now, that is.  But whatever is going on in Arkansas needs to stay….. in Arkansas.  About a week ago, Hot Springs police arrested two siblings on drug related charges.  […] More

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Town in Northern France Had Black Panther Prowling the Rooftops

LOCALS IN NORTHERN FRENCH TOWN STUNNED TO SEE BLACK PANTHER PROWLING AROUND ON ROOFTOPS So I don’t really know all that much about French culture.  But sure, I’ve been there.  But there’s a lot more to France than just visiting Paris.  I’ve certainly heard a lot about small town French cuisine and culture.  But there’s […] More

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Skynet Gets Closer With Ripsaw M5 Robotic Tank

THE ADVENT OF THE RIPSAW M5 ROBOTIC TANK MEANS THAT SKYNET IS GETTING CLOSER So if you don’t know what Skynet is, maybe go watch any of the Terminator movies.  There appears to be yet another one in theaters soon.  But regardless, Skynet was (and is) the fictitious AI that humans made to control our […] More

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Birds Mistake Rubber Bands for Worms, Cover Island in Litter

ENGLISH BIRDS MISTAKE RUBBER BANDS FOR WORMS, COVER ISLAND IN RUBBER LITTER Well, so much for the old saying, “this is for the birds.”  Because this is both for the birds and by the birds.  But it’s also a small piece of the modern tragedy that is plastic and rubber getting absolutely everywhere.  Even a […] More

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Facebook Loves Candidate Pete Buttigieg, But Why?

PETE BUTTIGIEG IS NOW OFFICIALLY THE FACEBOOK CANDIDATE FOR PRESIDENT So here’s a really interesting question.  Why does Facebook love Democratic candidate for President, Pete Buttigieg?  Because Facebook is an important giant in everyone’s reality.  But maybe I should say Facebook is a huge giant impacting our understanding of reality.  Mark Zuckerberg has gone to […] More

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Johnson City Police Arrest White Man Named Tupac Shakur

JOHNSON CITY, TENNESSEE POLICE ARREST WHITE MAN, TUPAC SHAKUR Ah, the world is full of such variety.  But even when things have the same names, they can be…. Totally different.  And this is proven yet again with utter thoroughness with the recent news of the arrest of Tupac Shakur.  But no, of course it’s not […] More

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Extreme Life Expectancy Range on Chicago Rail Line by Zip Code

CHICAGO’S RED LINE SHOWS 30-YEAR RANGE OF LIFE EXPECTANCY, BY ZIP CODE So this is pretty scary to comprehend.  The Economist, of all high-end rags, wrote an in-depth piece that should shock every single American that hear about it.  I’m shocked, and you should be too.  It turns out that there is a very simple […] More

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One Single Teabag Can Give You Billions of Microplastics

RESEARCHERS DISCOVER A SINGLE TEABAG RELEASES LITERALLY BILLIONS OF MICROPLASTICS So much has changed in the last few decades.  But really, a lot.  We know about pollution.  But we barely know about all the “new” pollution and how it affects the environment and, inevitably, us as well.  And microplastics is something we’re just  starting to […] More

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U.S. Navy Confirms That Viral UFO Video Was Real

UFO’S REAL, UFO VIDEOS REAL, US NAVY CONFIRMS THE TRUTH So UFO’s are real.  But that’s never been in doubt, has it?  And by UFO, I do mean unidentified flying objects.  Whether or not they’re alien is another question entirely.  But every once in a while there’s a UFO video out there that makes you […] More

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Ken Starr Re-Affirms His Douchebag Bonafides on Impeachment

DOUCHEBAG SUPREME, KEN STARR, REAPPEARS TO SAY BILL CLINTON DESERVED IMPEACHMENT, BUT NOT TRUMP So do you remember Ken Starr?  He was the special prosecutor who is largely responsible for getting the ammunition to impeach then President Bill Clinton.  You know, for having an affair and then lying about it.  But surely you remember?  You […] More

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Likely Smugglers Saved From Drowning By Floating Cocaine

DRUG SMUGGLERS SAVED FROM DROWNING BY FLOATING PACKS OF COCAINE Well, so much for whatever floats your boat.  There have just been so many cocaine on the ocean stories this year.  I’d say there must be something in the water.  But you get the idea.  A family found a pack of cocaine floating in the […] More

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Irishman Pranks Everyone At His Funeral With Voice Recording

IRISHMAN PRANKS ALL HIS LOVED ONES AT HIS OWN FUNERAL WITH VOICE RECORDING So this guy kicked the bucket but left one last prank on the field of dreams.  He’s an Irishman and grandfather and he wanted laughter at his funeral.  And spoiler alert!  He got his wish.  His name is Shay Bradley and laughter […] More

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Billionaire Bill Gates Was Pretty Tight With Jeffrey Epstein

BILLIONAIRE PHILANTHROPIST BILL GATES WAS PRETTY TIGHT WITH JEFFREY EPSTEIN So this is weird.  Jeffrey Epstein is, or was, quite the well-connected sexual predator and general monster.  But to say that he had high profile friends is like saying the Queen of England has a jewel or two.  But now that Epstein is dead we […] More

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English Tourist Died In Italian Sex Shop, Watching Blue Movie

WATCHING A PORN MOVIE IN ITALIAN SEX SHOP, ENGLISH TOURIST DROPS DEAD Well, so much for my idea of going out in style.  I can’t even imagine what my family would say if this was how my life ended.  Fortunately, I would no longer be around to be, um, mortified about it.  A 60-year-old English […] More

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Texas Company Shamed an Applicant for Instagram Bathing Suit Photo

TEXAS MARKETING COMPANY REAPS THE WHIRLWIND AFTER THEY SHAMED AN APPLICANT So much for contemporary business having a single damn clue about how to handle social media.  It’s enough to make anyone mad.  But especially if you’re a woman.  Shaming is a term that keeps coming up these days.  Fat shaming, body shaming, pretty much […] More

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Labrador Attacks 9-Year-Old Girl, 230 Stitches of Damage

CRAZY LABRADOR ATTACKS 9-YEAR-OLD GIRL WHO NEEDS 230 STITCHES ON HER FACE So I do know that any kind of animal can have some random, violent behavior.  But I’ve never heard of an attack from a Labrador like this one.  Every Labrador I’ve ever met has been friendly, especially kid friendly.  And it’s usually families […] More

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Free Hong Kong Sign Gets Sixers Fans Ejected From Game

SIXERS OFFICIALS EJECT NBA FANS FROM GAME FOR HOLDING FREE HONG KONG SIGNS So much for freedom of speech.  In case you hadn’t heard, there’s a sudden, major and seemingly absolute schism between the NBA and all their partners in China.  So what happened?  Well, the Houston Rockets GM, Daryl Morey, sent out a tweet […] More

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Bride Catches Groom Sexually Assaulting Drunk Bridesmaid Before Wedding

TWO DAYS BEFORE WEDDING, BRIDE CATCHES GROOM SEXUALLY ASSAULTING HER BRIDESMAID So much for Pennsylvania bowing out of the crazy social news race with Florida.  I mean, seriously.  Just last week, we have news that will curl your toes.  But then it will curl them again and make you want to vomit.  A Pennsylvania bride […] More

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Trump Buddy Roger Stone May Have Just Committed Sedition

ROGER STONE, NOTORIOUS IDIOT AND TRUMP BUDDY, MAY BE COMMITTING SEDITION So with all that’s going on with the ever increasingly likely impeachment of Donald Trump, we didn’t need this.  But I suppose we have no right to be surprised.  Sure, right now we are all just spinning like cocaine fueled wind vanes right now.  […] More

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Who is Khaddi Sagnia? Possibly, the Hottest Long Jumper, Ever

WHO IS THIS KHADDI SAGNIA?  MANY ARGUE SHE MAY BE THE HOTTEST LONG JUMPER, LIKE EVER So I have to admit, I don’t really follow track and field.  But a good friend of mine does.  You could even say she’s a track & field junkie.  She knows the top athletes from around the world, and […] More

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Donald Trump is Taking the United States Down Dangerous Rabbit Holes

DONALD TRUMP TAKING THE UNITED STATES, AND OUR BASIC DECENCY, DOWN DANGEROUS RABBIT HOLES So what the hell is going on?  Well, the answer appears to be: A Lot.  Trump is clearly on his way to a fully realized Impeachment proceeding.  The investigation is only just getting started, and things look really bad in terms […] More

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Legionnaires Disease Outbreak Likely Caused by NC State Fair Hot Tubs

MYSTERY LEGIONNAIRES DISEASE OUTBREAK TRACKED TO NC STATE FAIR HOT TUBS So this is kind of freaking me out.  And you’ll totally understand why.  You might remember some weird news from last month.  A bunch of people were getting sick with Legionnaires Disease.  And roughly 10% of those infected, die from it.  So yes, that’s […] More

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Los Angeles Homeless Woman Stuns World With Opera Singing Video

LADP OFFICER FILMS HOMELESS WOMAN SINING PUCCINI, VIDEO  QUICKLY GOES VIRAL So here’s yet another lesson.  Never take anything for granted, especially people.  It doesn’t matter if they are rich, poor, celebrity or nobody.  Because there is amazing art and beauty in all of us.  But this is often an easy lesson for everyone to […] More

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Police Drone Finds Fugitive of 17 Years Living in Rural Cave

ON THE LAM FOR 17 YEARS, UNTIL POLICE DRONE FINDS FUGITIVE LIVING IN RURAL CAVE So we’ve all heard stories about fugitives who escape the law and manage to live, totally free.  Well, maybe not totally free.  They still have to hide from the law.  But what about a fugitive who hid from the law […] More

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Oldest Man to Ever Scuba Dive Sets Record at Age 96

MAN SETS NEW WORLD RECORD, GOES SCUBA DIVING ON HIS 96TH BIRTHDAY So much for getting too wrinkled in the water.  Ok, maybe that’s a low blow.  But there’s a total method to breathing properly when you are scuba diving.  Well, and there is clearly a method to living properly, and World War II veteran […] More

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Belgian Man Sits on Toilet 5 Days, Aiming at Record

BELGIAN MAN GETS ATTENTION, TRIES TO SET WORLD RECORD FOR TIME SITTING ON TOILET So I’ve never actually read the book, Waiting for Godot.  But I’m pretty sure I could read the whole thing in one sitting.  And by one sitting, I don’t mean 5 days on a toilet.  But for one Belgian man, he […] More

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Camel Sits on Invasive Woman, Woman Bites Camel’s Testicles

WOMAN INVADES CAMEL ENCLOSURE AT TRUCK STOP, CAMEL SITS ON WOMAN, WOMAN BITES CAMEL TESTICLES So here we go all over again.  Or, maybe not.  But that’s because I’ve never heard of anything like this before.  So here’s the scene.  There’s this truck stop in Louisiana, in Gross Tete, to be exact.  And, as can […] More

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BangBros Porn Site Applies to Rename Miami Heat Arena

BANGBROS PORN SITE MAKES BID TO RENAME MIAMI HEAT ARENA So the Miami Heat have been pretty much screwed ever since Lebron left and Riley screwed up and let Dwayne Wade leave briefly to Chicago.  But now, getting screwed on film could be a new reality for the franchise.  Well, sort of.  But it’s awesome, […] More

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Are You Ready for the World’s First Vagina Museum?

THE WORLD’S FIRST VAGINA MUSEUM SET TO OPEN THIS NOVEMBER IN LONDON So here we go.  There are sex museums aplenty in the world.  But so far, there hasn’t been a museum anywhere dedicated to the Vagina.  But in just a month, the world’s first Vagina Museum will open.  Where?  London, of course.  So if […] More

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Wedding Wasabi Gives Woman Broken Heart Syndrome

WOMAN MISTAKES WASABI FOR AVOCADO, ENDS UP WITH BROKEN HEART SYNDROME Pretty much every time I see the word wasabi, I can’t help but think of those “whasaaaa” commercials from years ago.  But  now, I just may have another association with that spicy green stuff besides my own eating proclivities.  Doctor’s call it broken heart […] More

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Russia Won’t Tell NASA Why There Was a Hole in Soyuz Spacecraft

RUSSIA KNOWS WHY THERE WAS A HOLE LEAKING AIR ON THE ISS, BUT THEY WON’T TELL NASA So you may remember.  This past August, we heard about a hole in the International Space Station.  Well, it wasn’t actually in the ISS.  But there was a hole in the Soyuz Spacecraft docked to the ISS.  So […] More

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Boy Survives Anchor Lodged in Skull, Now Called Anchorman

HIS NAME IS CALEB BENNETT, BUT NOW HIS FRIENDS CALL HIM ANCHORMAN Say what?  His name is Caleb Bennett and the 14-year-old has always loved being on boats.  He’s from Manatee County, Florida.  So naturally, he grew up on the water and regularly took fishing trips with his family.  But then one day, an anchor […] More

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Now Dead Abortion Doctor Kept Thousands of Fetal Remains in Garage

FAMILY OF DECEASED ABORTION DOCTOR MAKE GRISLY DISCOVERY, THOUSANDS OF FETAL REMAINS IN HIS GARAGE This is just slightly disturbing.  There was a doctor who performed abortions in the state of Indiana from a number of years until 2015, when authorities suspended his license.  The now dead abortion practitioner was Dr. Ulrich Klopfer.  During those […] More

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Russian Orthodox Priests Spray City With Holy Water from Plane

RUSSIAN ORTHODOX PRIESTS SPRAY CITY OF TVER WITH HOLEY WATER, FROM PLANE So much for the world not aging well!  But that’s because this story is just too true to ignore.  True and weird as anything else you’ll hear this week, that’s for sure.  The city is Tver, Russia.  It’s located northwest of Moscow, which […] More

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Donald Trump Blames Orange Look on LED Bulbs

DONALD TRUMP GOES THERE, BLAMES LED LIGHT BULBS FOR HIS ORANGE APPEARANCE So I’m not sure the handbasket looks like (not really).  But it sure seems like we’re all heading to hell in one.  How can I tell?  Well, just a few reasons.  But most of them seem to emanate from the narcissistic chaos that […] More

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Man With 2-Day Erection Had Surgery, Thought Penis Would Die

AFTER A 2-DAY ERECTION, AGONY, MAN FEARED HIS PENIS WOULD DIE So I don’t know about you, but a 2-day erection sounds like a bit much.  Even at the relatively young age of 41 (which I remember fairly well!), I wouldn’t have been too freaked out.  Well, until the pain started at least.  And I […] More

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Disgruntled Ex Used a Drone to Drop Explosives on Ex-Girlfriend

PENNSYLVANIA MAN TRIED TO DROP EXPLOSIVE HANDMADE BOMBS ON HIS EX-GIRLFRIEND WITH A DRONE Love can be bittersweet.  But when it is, it’s best to keep yourself together and not to do anything stupid, no matter how jilted you feel.  But for one Pennsylvania man, he didn’t get the memo.  His name is Jason Muzzicato […] More

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Drake Wants Celine Dion Tattoo, She Says Please Don’t

DRAKE SET TO GET A TATTOO OF CELINE DION, BUT SHE SAYS PLEASE DON’T, REALLY So I don’t know much about Drake, aside from his being the Global Ambassador for the current NBA Champion Toronto Raptors.  My real introduction to him was in the NBA playoffs, losing his mind with his (nonexistent) poker face at […] More

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Rhino Flips Over Car, Gamekeeper at Serengeti Safari Park

SERENGETI SAFARI PARK RHINO GETS MAD, FLIPS CAR WITH WOMAN INSIDE OVER, AND OVER Rhinos are amazing and, occasionally, scary creatures.  The first Rhino I ever remember seeing was in an old Johnny Weissmuller Tarzan movie.  Tarzan was dodging a charging rhino, which seemed scary but I had no idea what that creature was.  Now, […] More

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New Hampshire Woman Fights State to Keep PB4WEGO License Plate

NEW HAMPSHIRE SENDS RECALL LETTER FOR “ILLEGAL” PLATE, PB4WEGO So what’s the deal with states and some of their stupid license plate laws?  And New Hampsire, I’m looking at you this time.  Why?  Well, a New Hampshire woman, Wendy Auger, is having to fight the state to keep the vanity license plate she’s had for […] More

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Florida DUI Couple Try Sex in Back of Police Car

DRUNK ON BICYCLES, ARRESTED, DUI COUPLE TRY TO HAVE SEX IN BACK OF POLICE CAR Ah, love.  I would have said ah, youth.  But that’s no excuse for the Florida couple in this story.  You’d think even drunk people would have some judgement, maybe.  But as is all too often the case, it wasn’t true […] More

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Are American and Russian Satellites About to Collide in Orbit?

DID AN AMERICAN SATELLITE AND DEAD RUSSIAN SPY SATELLITE COLLIDE IN ORBIT? So we’ve all watched enough TV and movies to have heard about the dangers of space junk.  But it’s real and it’s sitting over our heads every minute of every day.  Yet we don’t usually think of satellites as space junk.  But what […] More

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Botox Burglar Woman Uses Grinder Saw to Gain Entry

BOTOX BURGLAR BROKE INTO A SPA USING A GRINDER SAW, LEAVES IN HER MERCEDES Ok, Texas, you just might win the crazy news over Florida, if only briefly.  As you can see in the picture above, that woman there is the Botox Burglar.  She drives a light cream color Mercedes Benz.  Surveillance footage showed her […] More

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Japanese Clerk Steals 1,300 Credit Cards With Memorization

JAPANESE CLERK USED MEMORIZATION TO STEAL 1,300 CREDIT CARDS, MAKE ILLICIT PURCHASES So I hate card skimmers, cloners, and all other sorts of nefarious perps that steal our money, even our identities, for their own gain.  I’ve been through it and it’s no walk in the park.  But I must say I’m a little impressed […] More

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Brazilian Indigenous Tribes Defender Murdered, Execution Style

SOMEONE MURDERED A MAN DEDICATED TO DEFENDING BRAZILIAN INDIGENOUS PEOPLES, EXECUTION STYLE So as crazy as things are in the United States and England these days, they’re not as crazy as things are down in Brazil.  But no, this isn’t actually a joke.  As much as the rest of the world is impacted by American […] More

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Mystery: Baltic Sea Underwater Observatory Disappears

UNDERWATER OBSERVATORY FOR SCIENCE IN BALTIC SEA JUST DISAPPEARS, BAFFLING SCIENTISTS So this is a little weird.  I’d say it’s a victimless crime.  But that’s not totally accurate.  But mysterious?  Oh yes, and how.  So you’ve got to know, or at least assume, that scientists all over the world have equipment under our oceans, measuring […] More

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Trump Admin Considers Federal Ban on Vaping Products

WHY IS THE TRUMP ADMINISTRATION CONSIDERING A FEDERAL BAN ON VAPING PRODUCTS? So ok, where to begin with this story?  You’ve heard of vaping.  Vaping is the new big thing, especially to deliver nicotine and THC.  So in other words, people vape instead of smoking cigarettes or marijuana.  Vaping is convenient.  Vaping is just that, […] More

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Australia Was Home to Giant Marsupial With Razor Claws

SCIENTISTS INTRODUCE US TO GIANT AUSTRALIAN MARSUPIAL WITH RAZOR CLAWS So I don’t know about you, but when I was a kid, learning about crazy critters from the past put my imagination into high gear.  Well, I suppose that hasn’t changed all that much.  But that’s because of recent news about a crazy critter from […] More

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Oxford High School Has to Apologize for Suicide Note Homework

OXFORD HIGH SCHOOL FORCED TO APOLOGIZE FOR SUICIDE NOTE HOMEWORK Sometimes teachers do appallingly stupid things.  But sometimes, stupid means appalling, distasteful, insensitive and outrageous as well.  So this is one of those times.  The high school is the Cheney School, located in Headington, Oxford, England.  GCSE students there received an assignment to study J.B. […] More

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Dutch YouTuber and Friend Arrested at Area 51

A DUTCH YOUTUBER AND HIS BUDDY WANTED TO SEE AREA 51, BUT POLICE ARRESTED THEM INSTEAD I miss the X-Files.  This could totally have been a contemporary episode.  But I’m a little confused about what these two were thinking.  It seems that there was a joke event on Facebook, the “Storm Area 51, They Can’t […] More

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Courtney Love Won’t Sell Her Soul to Opioid Crisis Sackler Family

COURTNEY LOVE SAYS NO THANKS TO OPIOID CRISIS PROFITEERS, SACKLER FAMILY Wowza.  Courtney Love is back in the news.  But that’s not a bad thing, these days.  If you need some reminding, Courtney Love is a reformed former junkie.  Her husband, Curt Cobain from the  band Nirvana, blew his own head off with a shotgun […] More

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VW to Convert Classic Beetles into Electric Herbies

VW MAKES THE OLD-SCHOOL NEW, WILL CONVERT CLASSIC BEETLES INTO ELECTRIC CARS Yes!  I am pretty stoked about this.  But I must say that I thought this was a good idea like, 5 years ago.  I even said so.  No!  I don’t have proof.  But these little devils are great and fun cars.  They take […] More

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Wall Street Bull Damaged After Man Attacks With Banjo

DALLAS TRUCK DRIVER GOES TO NEW YORK, ATTACKS WALL STREET CHARGING BULL WITH BANJO And that’s no bull!  But seriously, a random guy attacked the Wall Street Bull a few days ago, with a banjo.  Yes, with a banjo.  It’s not the sort of thing even New Yorkers are accustomed to seeing.  But this guy […] More

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Mechanic for American Airlines Sabotaged Flight for Overtime

POLICE ARREST AMERICAN AIRLINES MECHANIC WHO SABOTAGED FLIGHT FOR OVERTIME So much for feeling safe after you get thru the security gate.  A mechanic working for American Airlines literally sabotaged a passenger jet just before takeoff.  But why?  Because he wanted the overtime and the extra money.  Yeah, that’s pretty ugly stuff.  Especially since we’ve […] More

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News Anchor Karen Hepp Sues Facebook, Reddit Using Pic in Racy Ads

NEWS ANCHOR SEES HER PIC USED IN ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION ADS, DATING SITE ADS, SUES FOR $10 MILLION What’s $10 million between friends?  Well, a lot actually.  But Philly news anchor Karen Hepp is not friends with Facebook or Reddit, especially lately.  She just found out that a picture of her in a convenience store made […] More

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Hunt On For 3-Foot Escaped Python Kai in Wisconsin High School

HUNT ON 3-FOOT PYTHON, KAI, LOOSE IN WISCONSIN HIGH SCHOOL Kids these days have all sorts of crap to deal with that’s hard and new.  Think: mass shooting drills and the like.  Sure, American kids had to deal with that stuff during the Cold War.  But this stuff has to be stressful.  But for one […] More

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NBA’s Alex Caruso Gets Random Drug Test Over Altered Pics

LAKERS GUARD ALEX CARUSO GETS RANDOM DRUG TEST AFTER PHOTOSHOPPED PICS GO VIRAL So here’s some more Lakers news.  No, it’s not about Josh Hart calling the organization out for being, well, assholes.  Nor is it about Dwight Howard and whatever he hell has been going on with him for, well, years.  This story is […] More

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Boris Johnson’s Brother Bails From His Flailing Coalition Government

BORIS JOHNSON’S BROTHER BAILS ON PRIME MINISTER’S GOVERNMENT So you may have heard that Boris Johnson, the English Prime Minister, is a bit of a tool.  Well, that’s like saying Donald Trump is good with a sharpie.  But England’s government has been in crisis (officially) for days now.  If you’re American, it’s not easy to […] More

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Hero Teen Sisters Saved Man and Son From Drowning

HERO TEEN SISTERS AVE FATHER AND 4-YEAR-OLD SON FROM DROWNING BY MERE SECONDS Their names are Isla and Eilidh Noble.  They 15 and 14 years old, respectively.  And as teens should, they were enjoying a lovely day at the Fraserburgh Beach, Aberdeenshire.  As you might imagine, that’s in Scotland.  Specifically, the Waters of Philorth, near […] More

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Australian Woman Killed by Pecking Rooster

AGGRESSIVE ROOSTER KILLED AN ELDERLY WOMAN IN SOUTH AUSTRALIA So I reckon we haven’t yet heard everything.  But I think we’re getting closer.  A rooster in Australia has killed a 76-year-old woman.  That’s not a typo and is factually accurate.  This happened in South Australia, according to reports.  The poor woman went to do something […] More

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Huge Drug Bust At Gatwick Airport Was Vegan Cake Mix

BRITISH TRANSPORT POLICE MISTAKE VEGAN CAKE MIX IN HUGE AIRPORT DRUG BUST The British Transport Police have some egg on their face after a mix-up about a huge drug bust at Gatwick Airport.  We all know that mistakes happen in the war on drugs.  Sometimes they’re tragic.  But sometimes they’re so ridiculous as to be […] More

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Maryland Teen Sent Sex Vid, Court Declares Her Child Pornographer

MARYLAND HIGH COURT DECLARES TEEN WHO TEXTED SEX VIDEO OF HERSELF AS CHILD PORNOGRAPHER Sometimes the law just seems to be an impossible thing to understand.  Sure, the law is a fluid thing and often needs adjustment.  Maybe the law is out of date.  Or maybe it’s just stupid.  Justice is blind, but that doesn’t […] More

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Satellites Show Hurricane Dorian Has Grand Bahama Mostly Underwater

ONE SATELLITE IMAGE SHOWS DORIAN HAS GRAND BAHAMA MOSTLY UNDERWATER So it’s the end of the big hurricane season.  But it’s not ending without a major storm.  This time, the storm’s name is Dorian.  You’ve surely heard about it by now.  It’s sitting off the coast of Florida (still!) and wreaking havoc in the area.  […] More

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Singapore Arrests Man With Ticket for Walking Wife to Gate

SINGAPORE ARRESTS MAN FOR BUYING A PLANE TICKET JUST TO WALK HIS WIFE TO GATE So much for romance.  A man bought a (hopefully refundable) ticket so that he could walk his wife to the gate for her flight.  But the problem?  He had no intention of flying anywhere.  But evidently, that’s a big no-no […] More

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17 Babies in Spain Get Werewolf Syndrome After Drug Error

DID AN ERROR CAUSE 17 BABIES IN SPAIN TO GET WEREWOLF SYNDROME? I can’t believe this story is giving me Teen Wolf nostalgia.  I didn’t even know that was possible at this point.  But hearing the term Werewolf Syndrome was all it took.  And yes, there is such a thing as Werewolf Syndrome.  And just […] More

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Graphene in Your Clothes Could Be Perfect Mosquito Repellant

RESEARCHERS FIND THAT GRAPHENE LACED CLOTHES ARE GREAT, ALMOST MAGICAL MOSQUITO REPELLANT So mosquitos suck.  Everyone knows this.  Until recent years, they were just nuisances in the United States.  Well, ok, sometimes they can be severe nuisances.  I can recall a mosquito infestation in New York City’s Upper West Side that was pretty scary for […] More

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Lovely, Champion Russian Hurdler Dies in Training

RUSSIAN CHAMPION HURDLER MARGARITA PLAVUNOVA DEAD ON SIDE OF THE ROAD Her name was Margarita Plavunova.  You may have heard of her because she was one of those athletes it was easy to recognize.  Why?  Because she was lovely and a champion hurdler.  She also worked as a model, which would have put her out […] More

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People With Restless Leg Syndrome 3 Times the Risk of Suicide

PEOPLE WITH RESTLESS LEG SYNDROME HAVE 3 TIMES THE RISK OF SUICIDE, SELF-HARM So this is enough to make you twitch.  But considering, I don’t really recommend that reaction.  So you know how some people are just physically restless, no matter what the situation seems to be?  It seems to be something that’s more common […] More

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50-Year-Old Paddles From California all the Way to Hawaii

50-YEAR-OLD MAN PADDLES FROM CALIFORNIA TO HAWAII, CELEBRATES BIRTHDAY So I’m officially an underachiever.  I’m just a few years younger than the 50-year-old mark.  There never, ever, seems to be enough time to go to the gym.  And when there is, I can’t seem to find the energy to really take advantage of getting to […] More

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23-Year-Old Falls 6 Stories Doing Yoga Pose, Breaks Legs

23-YEAR-OLD MEXICAN COLLEGE STUDENT FALLS 6 STORIES DOING DANGEROUS YOGA POSE Yoga is really good for you.  If you do it correctly, the health benefits seem to be limitless.  But if you don’t do it correctly, you can hurt yourself, even severely.  So do yoga, and do it right.  But for one 23-year-old woman, doing […] More

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Brown Recluse Spider Took Up Residence in Missouri Woman’s Ear

MISSOURI WOMAN GOES TO DOCTOR FOR EAR PAIN, THEY FIND BROWN RECLUSE SPIDER IN THERE Spiders.  I hate spiders.  When I was a kid, I was pretty much ok with them.  But now, they pretty much just freak me out.  Maybe I’m wiser now?  But seriously, spiders are quite the efficient little killing machines.  But […] More

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Woman Says Her Vaginal Fluids Are Perfect Love Perfume

WOULD YOU USE YOUR OWN VAGINAL FLUIDS AS A PERFUME? Sometimes you hear things that you’re just not prepared for.  This is one of those times.  The last time I felt this particular flavor of uncomfortable was in the scene of Boomerang involving an ad concept with Grace Jones.  If you remember that, you know […] More

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Man Accidently Sends $23,000 Cash in Shoebox to Recycling

POOR FOOL SENDS SHOE BOX WITH LIFE SAVINGS, $23,000, TO RECYCLING So we’ve all had those days.  You know the ones.  When you have such a massive brain fart that you do something incredibly stupid.  Well, ok, maybe you’ve never had a brain fart quite this spectacular.  But one man in Oregon had a truly […] More

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Welsh City Installs Public Toilets With Anti-Sex Systems

WELSH CITY HAS A SEX IN PUBLIC TOILETS PROBLEM?  WHAT? Well this is a new one on me.  Without having to think too deeply about it, I think it’s a really bad idea to do this.  Do what?  Put in automated systems in public toilets to stop people from having sex.  That’s right, we’re talking […] More

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Don’t Use the Town of Dildo to Sell Your Sex Toys

THE TOWN OF DILDO SAYS PLEASE DON’T USE US TO SELL YOUR SEX TOYS So we have to thank Jimmy Kimmel for this one.  Because he’s the one who joked about being mayor of the town of Dildo.  Yes, the town of Dildo.  It’s a little place you can find in Newfoundland and Labrador.  North […] More

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Vacation Couple Having Sex Suffer Injuries When Balcony Collapses

HORROR AS COUPLE HAVING SEX ON BALCONY SUFFER SERIOUS INJURIES WHEN IT COLLAPSED BENEATH THEM Yikes.  I’m a fairly red-blooded type of guy.  So I can’t say I’m too judgy to hear about a couple who were having sex on their room’s balcony in Le Cannet, France.  I mean, they’re on vacation, right?  While I […] More

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Cuckold Husband Gets Revenge With Pile of Manure and Sign

JILTED, CUCKOLD HUSBAND GETS REVENGE WITH MANURE PILE AND SIGN THAT EXPLAINS IT ALL So this is pretty much a perfect storm.  What would you do if you found out someone had been sleeping with your wife?  Well, besides getting all Medieval on their asses, of course.  Well, one cuckold husband decided to make a […] More

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Cops Catch Hiding Suspect After He Farts Too Loud

HIDING SUSPECT GIVES UP THE GHOST WITH LOUD FART, POLICE GET WIND Sometimes there’s nothing about police work that can pass the sniff test.  But other times, it’s all just kind of… perfect.  Liberty, Missouri police were on the job last month trying to find and catch a man suspected of possession of a controlled […] More

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Canadian Charities Can’t Buy Ads About Climate Change for Election

BECAUSE OF ELECTION LAW, CANADIAN CHARITIES CAN’T RUN ADS ON THE “ISSUE” OF CLIMATE CHANGE Say what?  But it’s true.  There’s an election in Canada this coming October and it’s against the law for charities or anyone else to buy ads talking about the dangers of Climate Change.  To say that’s weird is like saying […] More

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Police Pull Guns on Yankees GM Over Stolen Car Confusion

CONNECTICUT POLICE PULL OVER YANKEES GM, DRAW THEIR GUNS, BECAUSE MISTAKEN IDENTITY So I don’t really know what to make of this situation.  I’m a lifelong Yankee fan.  But I’ve taken more than a dozen steps back from the day-to-day Yankees news.  So while I know who Brian Cashman is, the Yankees GM, I have […] More

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Piece of Denver Shut Down Because of Prairie Dogs With Plague

PLAGUE OUTBREAK SUTHS DOWN PARTS OF DENVER, COLORADO, BECAUSE PRAIRIE DOGS Wow.  This is some crazy situation out in Denver, Colorado.  Authorities have had to shut down parts of the city and a wildlife area.  Why?  The plague, that’s why.  As in, the PLAGUE that wrecked the world in the Middle Ages.  But we don’t […] More

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Medical Examiner Says Stabbed Corpse Died of Natural Causes, Quits

A GEORGIA MEDICAL EXAMINER QUIT AFTER IT CAME OUT SHE SAID A STABBED, MURDERED MAN DIED OF NATURAL CAUSES So hello Georgia, aren’t you just a peach?  Well, not this time.  Her name is Shannon Byers and she worked as an investigator for the Gwinnet County Medical Examiner’s office.  Or at least she did until […] More

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Police Catch Idiot Playing Pokemon Go on 8 Phones While Driving

CRAZY IDIOT IN WASHINGTON STATE WAS PLAYING POKEMON GO ON 8 PHONES AT ONCE ON THE ROAD So I really don’t get this at all.  And I’m someone who was addicted to the Civilization game for a number of years.  But Pokemon Go?  I just don’t get it.  I do know that Pokemon Go has […] More

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Conor McGregor Sucker Punches Old Man in Dublin Bar

PROFESSIONAL MMA FIGHTER CONOR MCGREGOR SUCKER PUNCHES OLD MAN IN IRISH PUB Ok.  So we have to begin in a forthright manner.  But that means I have to say that Conor McGregor is a piece of shit.  As a human being, he’s clearly got just a few things missing.  Sure, he’s a MMA fighter.  So […] More

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Chernobyl Vodka, Anyone? Atomik Is Made From Nearby Grown Grain

NEW ATOMIK VODKA, COMING SOON FROM THE CHERNOBYL EXCLUSION ZONE? So who doesn’t like vodka?  Please, everyone loves vodka.  Ice cold, straight up or mixed with pretty much anything you can imagine.  We’ve all been there and we’ve all done that (mix, remix, repeat).  But what about drinking vodka made from grain that grew in […] More

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61-Year-Old Florida Woman, Nearly Toothless, Bites Burglar

NEARLY TOOTHLESS ELDERLY FLORIDA WOMAN BITES BURGLAR AND MAKES HER ESCAPE So I know that aging comes with a lot of challenges.  But for some, that means you don’t have all of your teeth anymore.  And that was and is certainly true for the 61-year-old Florida woman who had to defend herself from a burglar […] More

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Samsung Kills Headphone Jack After Trolling Apple

AFTER TROLLING APPLE WITH ADS FOR KILLING THE IPHONE, SAMSUNG FOLLOWS SUIT So do you remember when Samsung had that funny ass ad campaign, when they were trolling Apple?  Sure you do.  It was just after Apple announced they were getting rid of the headphone jack on the iPhone 7 back in 2016.  Apple’s move […] More

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Elderly Woman Gets Jail Time for Feeding Stray Cats

OHIO SENTENCES ELDERLY WOMAN WITH JAIL TIME FOR FEEDING STARVING CATS So this is what the world of justice in the United States has come to?  There’s a 79-year-old woman from Garfield Heights, Ohio, who doesn’t’ like seeing stray cats starve.  So what does she do?  She feeds them.  But that, evidently, is a crime […] More

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Trump Admin to Authorize Cyanide Bombs to Kill Wild Hogs

TRUMP ADMIN, EPA AUTHORIZE USE OF CYANIDE BOMBS TO KILL WILD HOGS News these days is hog wild.  And I mean that.  But what about wild hogs?  They can be some mean sons of bitches.  You don’t want to mess with them, like ever.  But they do have to be dealt with.  Currently, there’s a […] More

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Baker Makes Bread From 4,500-Year-Old Ancient Egyptian Yeast

UNLIKELY TRIO BRINGS BACK BREAD FROM EGYPT 4,500 YEARS AGO Life is amazing sometimes.  An unlikely trio formed into a team to bring back a piece of ancient Egyptian history.  “Father of the Xbox” Seamus Blackley, the microbiologist Richard Bowman and Serena Love (Egyptologist!) worked together to bake bread from the long ago past.  So […] More

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12.5 Billion Tons of Ice Fall From Greenland Into Sea in Single Day

GREENLAND LOSES 12.5 BILLION TONS OF ICE IN A SINGLE DAY, THE WORLD HAS CHANGED Good Lord, we’re so screwed and can’t get the sand out of our ears.  Keeping track of melting ice in key areas has scientists tearing out their hair.  Every year, it just seems to be hotter and hotter and… you […] More

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Apple Screws iPhone Owners Who Want to Replace Their Battery

IF YOU OWN AN IPHONE, APPLE JUST SCREWED YOU (AND ME) AGAIN BECAUSE BATTERIES Really, Apple?  Do you have to suck so much?  Well, evidently you do.  But seriously Apple, it’s like you just can’t help yourself.  Didn’t you learn anything when people called you out for slowing down their older iPhones in the name […] More

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No More of the OA, As Netflix Cancels Possible Season 3?

NEFLIX SHITS THE BED, BETRAYS THEIR SMARTEST GEEK FANS, BY CANCELLING SEASON 3 OF THE OA So what the fucking hell!  Netflix has cancelled The OA?  There will be no season 3?  There will be no conclusion to the story line they hooked us on for two seasons already?  What the fucking hell!?  Yes, I […] More

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Philly’s 76er Ben Simmons Racially Profiled at Casino Down Under?

WAS 76ER BEN SIMMONS RACIALLY PROFILED AT THE CROWN CASINO BACK HOME? So this is a bit odd.  We don’t hear too much about this kind of thing from Down Under, not to say it never happens.  But when a star like Philly’s 76er Ben Simmons raises the alarm, people listen.  So what happened?  Well, […] More

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1993 Nobel Winner and Writer Toni Morrison Has Died

LITERARY GIANT TONI MORRISON DIES IN NEW YORK CITY AT THE AGE OF 88 So this is incredibly sad news.  Toni Morrison died this past Monday in a Hospital in New York City at the age of 88.  So far, her representatives haven’t identified the cause of death.  Morrison won the Nobel in 1993.  She […] More

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Woman Files For Divorce, Husband Laces Her Coffee With Sleeping Pills

AFTER WIFE FILES FOR DIVORCE, HER HUSBAND LACES HER COFFEE WITH SLEEPING PILLS Relationships are hard.  But marriage is even harder.  While this article isn’t about those challenges, it is about what happened with one couple after the woman filed for divorce from her husband.  Her name is Therese Kozlowsk and she lived with her […] More

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Brazilian Drug Lord Attempts Prison Escape Disguised as Daughter

BRAZILIAN DRUG LORD ATTEMPTS PRISON ESCAPE DISGUISED AS HIS DAUGHTER His name is Clauvino da Silva and he is an imprisoned drug lord in Brazil.  And yes, that is the perfect drug lord’s name, isn’t it?  Anyway, da Silva doesn’t like being in prison.  A normal prison escape seemed impossible, so the Brazilian drug lord […] More

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A Hidden Asteroid Almost Hit Us A Week Ago Like, Close

WHAT!? AN ASTEROID ALMOST HIT THE EARTH LAST WEEK? So who knew the world almost ended a couple weeks ago?  And no, that’s not semantics.  But yes, it’s like saying if that baseball bat had hit you, it would have hurt.  Good thing it didn’t!  But seriously, a hidden asteroid drifted by the Earth a […] More

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There May Soon Be An Available Cure for Eye Floaters

THERE COULD FINALLY BE A CURE FOR THOSE PESKY FLOATERS MESSING UP YOUR VISION So do you have floaters?  And for you mobster enforcers out there, no, I don’t mean that.  But I do mean eye floaters.  If you are in your 20’s you may not have a fucking clue what I’m talking about.  But […] More

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EEK! 40% of American Adults Believe God Created Humans 10,000 Years Ago

HOLY CRAP, BATMAN! 40% OF AMERICANS BELIEVE GOD CREATED MAN 10,000 YEARS AGO! So polls are very interesting tools.  They can tell us all sorts of interesting information.  But sometimes polls aren’t structured very well.  I’m not sure if that applies in this case.  So what’s up?  Well, it’s not a Hallelujah moment, that’s for […] More

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Judge Orders Man to be Gagged, Then Gagging Video Destroyed

DEFENDANT WON’T SHUT UP, JUDGE GETS PISSED AND ORDERS HIM GAGGED So we’ve all seen some crazy videos of crazy courtroom goings-on.  But this sounds like it’s a little bit unusual.  No, there was no overt violence and no injuries to speak of.  But there was some high drama.  This went down in a Lafayette […] More

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Boy With Jaw Pain Had 526 Extra Teeth in His Mouth

7-YEAR-OLD BOY COMPLAINING OF PAIN HAD 526 EXTRA TEETH IN HIS MOUTH So there is this 7-year-old boy in New Delhi, India, who had a very unusual problem.  He had some jaw pain, which isn’t too weird.  He had some swelling along with the pain, located near his molars along his lower, right jaw.  Ok, […] More

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Walmart Potato Pisser Woman Turns Herself in to Police

DRUNKEN WALMART WOMAN POTATO PISSER TURNS HERSELF IN TO POLICE So maybe you hadn’t heard.  But last week, a woman did the unthinkable at Walmart.  Well, ok, maybe unthinkable to all of us.  So what happened?  Well, a still unidentified woman went into a Pittsburgh area Walmart on the evening of July 24th.  The photo […] More

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Amazon Interviews Man, Doesn’t Hire Him, Uses His Pic on Jobs Page

AMAZON INTERVIEWS MAN YEARS AGO BUT DOESN’T HIRE HIM, BUT THEY USE HIS PICTURE ON THEIR JOBS PAGE? So it seems inevitable that stupid will happen as long as enough time goes by.  It doesn’t matter if a business or institution is totally stellar, either.  But why?  Because stupid happens.  But recently, there’s been a […] More

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Men: Eat Your Nuts! You’ll Have Better Sex

NUTS: IF YOU EAT THEM, YOU WILL COME (MORE) So ok, maybe that title could be a little misleading to people prone to having dirty minds.  But in a certain sense, it does mean that all men should try to be nut jobs, of a sort.  But in all seriousness, there is some important news […] More

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Woman Skips Bill At Sonic, Says God Will Pay

DON’T TAKE THE LORD’S NAME IN VAIN, AND DON’T SKIP OUT ON YOUR BILL So that’s a new one!  I’ve totally heard of people skipping out on their bills at restaurants.  Shoot, I’ve even seen people do it in several US cities.  But there was that one time the bartender caught up to them.  Anyway…  […] More

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Amazon Gave Local Cops Backdoor Access to Ring Surveillance Doorbells

SAY WHAT?  AMAZON MADE A PRIVATE DEAL WITH LOCAL POLICE TO SPY USING YOUR DOOR CAM? As Mr. Fenster once said, “What the faaa?”  This is seriously depressing news.  But I suppose we shouldn’t be too surprised.  Yet I am, somehow, with this news.  Retail giant Amazon has been making secret deals across the United […] More

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Baby Maureen Dowd Freaks Out for Being Called Elite, Says She’s a Normal Gal

PRINCESS MAUREEN DOWD DOTH PROTEST TOO MUCH, ELITE PENS PIECE SHE’S JUST A NORMAL GAL Awwww.  Poor Maureen Dowd.  If you don’t know who she is, she’s a supposed regular gal who writes op-eds for the New York Times.  You know, the paper that pretends to be a regular liberal newspaper?  But alas, someone recently […] More

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It Sure Looks Like a Trump Impeachment Just Started In the House

SAY WHAT?  DID A TRUMP IMPEACHMENT JUST GET STARTED? Wowza.  So this is how it begins?  As Spock would say, fascinating.  Progressives in general and a seeming plurality of Democratic voters have been asking for this to begin for some time.  But for whatever reason, Democratic leaders like Nancy Pelosi have been…. reticent, to say […] More

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Spurs Fans Ecstatic as Tim Duncan Hired As Assistant Coach

TIM DUNCAN COMES OUT OF RETIREMENT, JUST HIRED AS SPURS ASSISTANT COACH So there goes the neighborhood!  Well, maybe not so much.  The Spurs bench has had some turnover of late.  But that’s nothing new.  Former Spurs assistant coaches now sit on NBA teams’s all over the league.  It’s part of  the Spurs mystique.  But […] More

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Dems on Trump: Follow Polls or Follow the Evidence?

WILL DEMS FOLLOW THE EVIDENCE, OR THE POLLS LEADERSHIP HIDES BEHIND? So Robert Mueller was finally in public, testifying before Congress this week.  But he had a very, VERY narrowly defined spread of what he was allowed to talk about.  Why?  Because Trump crony Bill Barr runs the DOJ.  But also, because Robert Mueller already […] More

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Sad News: Amazing Actor Rutger Hauer Passes Away at 75

AMAZING, WONDERFUL ACTOR RUTGER HAUER PASSES AWAY AT 75 YEARS So this has left me in a little bit of a funk.  I love Rutger Hauer.  He’s passed away at 75 years.   I think his body of work has so much variety that it still surprises me to consider it.  The first time I ever […] More

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Airline Has to Apologize After Tweeting Seats You Will Likely Not Die In

KLM AIRLINES TWEETS ABOUT WHICH SEATS YOU ARE LEAST LIKELY TO DIE IN, APOLOGIZE So what is it with social media and idiocy these days?  I mean sure, beyond stupid teens and angry toilet tweets late at night in Washington.  But what about businesses with major brands, reputations and relationships?  It seems no one is […] More

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Ex NASA Intern Buys Moon Landing Tapes at Auction, Sells for $1.82 M

FORMER NASA INTERN SCORES BIG, FLIPS $217.77 INTO $1.82 MILLION FOR MOON LANDING TAPES So we all like making great deals for ourselves.  Shoot, there are tv shows dedicated to people finding out if they already own hidden treasures.  Others show people buying storage units at auction with no idea what may be inside.  But […] More

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Seagulls Might Talk to Each Other Thru Eggshells As Embryos

SAY WHAT?  SEAGULL CHICKS CAN COMMUNICATE WITH EACH OTHER FROM ONE EGG TO ANOTHER? So much for human transcendence.  This possible finding even shocks the hell out of me.  And I want to believe the fantastic when and wherever possible.  “The truth is out there,” right?  Well now, the truth may just be in there.  […] More

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Police Arrest Duo in Car With Rattlesnake, Booze and Uranium Powder

POLICE ARREST OKLAHOMA COUPLE AT TRAFFIC STOP, FIND LIVE RATTLESNAKE, BOOZE, AND URANIUM POWDER So I know police end up seeing a lot of total weirdness when they pull people over on traffic stops.  But I’m pretty sure these cops had no idea what was in store for them when they pulled this duo over.  […] More

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Free Mueller Report, Accessible to All, With Idiot Proof Footnotes

NOW THERE’S A FREE ONLINE VERSION OF THE MUELLER REPORT, WITH LINKED REFERENCES FOR EVERYONE So here’s a painful dose of reality.  The vast majority of our elected officials in those other two branches of government, the Congress and the Senate, have not read the Mueller report.  Sure, that sounds pretty bad.  Hell, it is […] More

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Man From Bogota Busted in Spain With 1/2 Kilo of Coke Under Toupee

MAN LANDS IN SPAIN FROM BOGOTA, BUSTED WITH 1/2 KILO OF COKE UNDER HORRIBLE TOUPEE I really, really miss Miami Vice.  But even when Michael Mann plugged in a funny episode, he never did anything like this.  I mean, look at that picture!  It’s the kind of thing you would never expect to be real.  […] More

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DNC Tells Dem Candidates to Avoid FaceApp Because Russia

WHY IS THE DNC WARNING DEM PREZ CANDIDATES TO STAY AWAY FROM FACEAPP?  BECAUSE, RUSSIA So there goes the international neighborhood.  Again.  You may have heard about a new app with the name, FaceApp.  But if you haven’t, it does sound kind of cool.  Essentially, you take a picture of yourself and the app shows […] More

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Blasting Facebook Libra, Fake Crypto Fintech Expert Chris Brummer Defrauds Congress, Legendary Maxine Waters Duped

  FAKE FINTECH EXPERT CHRIS BRUMMER WITH DEGREE IN ‘GERMAN OPERA’ DEFRAUDS CONGRESS TESTIFYING ABOUT THE WEATHER So here is even more news involving the fake Fintech expert Chris Brummer, aka Dr. Bratwurst. Chris Brummer is the notoriously peevish Georgetown Law professor with an absurd degree in “German opera.” So what is it now? Well, […] More

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Chicago’s Humboldt Alligator, Chance, Finally Captured

EXPERT FINALLY CAPTURED CHICAGO’S HUMBOLDT PARK LAGOON ALLIGATOR So much for fiction.  Mostly we hear about alligators in the sewers.  You know, the urban legend.  But guess what was all too real this summer of 2019?  An alligator in Chicago, roaming around wild.  Sure, it seems too weird to be true.  But not only has […] More

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Doctor Says the Best Place at Home for Sex is Not the Bedroom

ENGLISH DOCTOR SAYS THE BEST PLACE FOR SEX AT HOME IS ACTUALLY NOT THE BEDROOM, SO WHERE? So this is new.  Most people want to be really great in the bedroom.  But one doctor who specialized in menopause and libido says the best place at home for sex isn’t the bedroom.  Sure, there are all […] More

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Tequila Lovers Must Beware of the Margarita Burn

MARGARITA LOVERS NEED A SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT ABOUT MARGARITA BURN So I love tequila.  But I’m one of those people who thinks everyone should love tequila.  It’s pretty much the only liquor that isn’t really a depressant.  And I just love it.  Sipping tequilas and mezcals, margaritas, you name it.  There’s really nothing else like it.  […] More

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So What’s the Real Deal with Jeffrey Epstein, Child Sex Ringmaster?

WHAT’S WHAT WITH THIS JEFFREY EPSTEIN “BILLIONAIRE” CHILD SEX RINGMASTER? So what’s going on with this guy?  If you’ve been living under a rock, you don’t know.  But that’s kind of impossible to believe.  Jeffrey Epstein is a “billionaire” who literally ran an underaged sex ring of girls.  He had sex with the girls.  But […] More

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Pennsylvania GOP Chair Hustled, Resigns After Dick Pic Up

DID A WOMAN SET UP PENNSYLVANIA GOP CHAIR?  BECUASE HE’S TOAST So how in the world did I miss this news?  Did you know that the GOP Chair of the state of Pennsylvania resigned?  In late June?  I know, I know, there is so much crazy news out there that it’s easy to miss some, […] More

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Philadelphia Park Officials Install Noise Machines to Repel Kids

PHILADELPHIA PARK OFFICIALS DON’T LIKE KIDS THESE DAYS Young people these days.  Sometimes we can’t stand them.  But other times we’re hopeful for a future they may direct.  But in Philadelphia, some park officials don’t want kids these days seen or heard.  They just want them gone.  Well, from parks, at least.  So what’s the […] More

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Lone Star Tick Bites Can Cause Sudden Allergy to Red Meat

IF A LONE STAR TICK BITES YOU, YOU COULD DIE FROM EATING RED MEAT So what the hell else is new?  Well, how about this?  There’s a new tick in town, and he could change your life forever.  But no, we’re not talking about Lyme disease, though that still applies.  Its name is the Lone […] More

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LA Ice Cream Truck Owner Sick and Tired of Social Media Hookups

LA ICE CREAM TRUCK IS SO FED UP WITH HOOK UP REQUESTS HE’S VOWED TO CHARGE DOUBLE Ok, so it isn’t exactly what it sounds like.  So by hookups, what we’re talking about is freebies.  No, not that kind of freebie either.  We’re talking about free ice cream, free service and otherwise shit you should […] More

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Florida Asks Homeowners to Smash Iguana Skulls Whenever Possible

FLORIDA WANTS ITS HOMEOWNERS TO SMASH INVASIVE IGUANA SKULLS WHENEVER POSSIBLE So much for animal husbandry.  But I know, I know, this isn’t the usual circumstance.  The state of Florida his now home to several invasive species.  Each one is wreaking its own sort of havoc on ecosystems, properties and, of course, local species as […] More

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Anchorage, Alaska Bakes in New World Oven

NEW WORLD OVEN BAKES ANCHORAGE, ALASKA IN UNPRECEDENTED HEAT WAVE So global warming is real.  But I know that a lot of folks out there don’t believe it.  So much for the power of the obvious.  But what no one can ignore is the fact that we keep seeing new record after new record.  Sure, […] More

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United Loses Child, Charges Mom Extra $150

UNITED AIRLINES CHARGES MOM EXTRA $150 TO ENSURE SAFETY, PROMPTLY LOSES HER CHILD So I remember flying by myself years ago when I was a kid.  I was definitely a little nervous, if excited too.  But my parents were especially nervous.  Sure, this was a different era and it was a domestic trip.  But traveling […] More

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Air Force Plane Drops Training Bombs on Florida After Bird Strike

BIRD STRIKE CAUSES AIR FORCE PLANE TO DROP 3 TRAINING BOMBS ON FLORIDA So we’ve all heard about bird strikes, haven’t we?  You know, when a bird strikes a plane and causes all sorts of mayhem?  It usually involves a bird sucked into a jet engine, pretty much ending that engine mid-flight.  Remember that passenger […] More

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Christie’s Sells King Tut Sculpture for $6M Without Provenance

EGYPT SAYS IT’S STOLEN, CHRISTIE’S IT’S FINE, SELLS KING TUT SCULPTURE FOR $6M So I was always fascinated with ancient Egypt, the pharaohs, mummies and the whole bit.  I’ve been lucky enough to visit a lot of artifacts in several Western museums.  But I never thought about buying my very own piece of history.  So […] More

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Trump Copycats Biden, Vows to Cure Cancer at Crazy Florida Rally

JOE BIDEN CLAIMS HE’LL CURE CANCER IF ELECTED, TRUMP COPYCATS AND DIGS HOLE WAY DEEPER So I get it.  It’s election time.  No, it’s not November, 2020 already.  It’s early July, 2019.  So since we’re all pretty much fucked, that means we’re already in election season.  But that shouldn’t mean our politicians all need to […] More

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Supermodel Karlie Kloss Admits It’s Hard to Be Related to Trump

KARLIE KLOSS, LIBERAL SUPERMODEL, ADMITS HOW HARD IT IS BEING RELATED TO TRUMP So I’ve got to first admit I had no idea about supermodel Karlie Kloss.  It’s been some time since I was familiar with the various and sundry Victoria Secret Models.  Like, a Manot kind of time ago.  But despite recent headlines announcing […] More

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Straight Pride Organizers Receive Envelopes Full of Glitter, Call 911

STRAIGHT PRIDE MARCH ORGANIZERS GET SUSPICIOUS ENVELOPES, CALL 911, BECAUSE GLITTER Ok.  So here we go.  Did you hear about the Straight Pride event?  It’s a march that certain folks wanted to be a yuuuge success.  But that’s another story.  Essentially, it was a march to celebrate the pride of straight people.  Because straight people […] More

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Mysterious Canadian Leaves $100 Bills and Uplifting Notes

MYSTERIOUS CANADIAN LEAVES $100 BILLS AND UPLIFTING NOTES FOR ANYONE TO FIND So this is the kind of thing that should happen more often.  There’s some mysterious Canadian person who has been leaving $100 bills (Canadian) along with uplifting notes for anyone who finds them in New Glasgow, Nova Scotia.  But seriously, more of this […] More

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Users Lose Hair As Instagram, Facebook and Whatsapp Go Down

EVERYONE LOSES THEIR MINDS AS FACEBOOK, WHATSAPP AND INSTAGRAM ALL GO DOWN Well, ok.  I didn’t include teens in the title.  But I’m sure if they could, they’d be losing some hair over this as well.  So what’s going on?  Well, if you use Instagram, Facebook or Whatsapp, you already know.  Whatsapp simply stopped working.  […] More

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Found Guilty of Fraud, Man Pours Acid on His Face Dies Weeks Later

GUILTY OF FRAUD, LONDON CONMAN SPLASHES OWN FACE WITH ACID AT SENTENCING So this is just a little bit weird.  His name is (was) Marc Marshall.  He admitted to a host of fraudulent check totaling about £135,000.  Ok, that’s not a new fraud scheme by any means.  But what is a little weird is how […] More

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Kyrie Irving Found the Earth is Actually Flat and Slipped off the Edge

KYRIE IS SUCH A DIVA, HE SLIPPED OFF THE EDGE OF HIS OWN FLAT EARTH So what is the deal with Kyrie Irving?  He’s a Wunderkid who sort of played for Duke University.  But he had an injury which cut his one year of college basketball really short.  Despite that, Kyrie was still the number […] More

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Meet Fake Fintech Expert Chris Brummer, Georgetown Law Con Artist Professor Has Degree in Germanic Studies, Zero in Tech or Finance

  MEET CHRIS BRUMMER, THE GEORGETOWN CON ARTIST, FAKE FINTECH CON ARTIST CHRIS BRUMMER, a creepy black dude from Arkansas with a lubricious background in “Germanic Studies” is an empty suit Georgetown Law Center professor notoriously known as the Georgetown Law “Dr. Bratwurst” is also a fake Fintech expert and a complete con artist, according […] More

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Amazon’s Good Omens Offends God Awful Freaks

STUPID GOD FREAKS, OR GOD AWFUL FREAKS, SAY AMAZON’S GOD AWFUL SHOW OFFENDS So as you may know there’s this new show on Amazon Prime.  It’s Good Omens and Amazon released the show in recent weeks.  What?  You don’t have Amazon Prime?  Ok.  It’s kind of like your Netflix account, just over on Amazon with […] More

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Jim Carrey Art Draws Fire From Alessandra Mussolini

ALESSANDRA MUSSOLINI GETS HOT AT JIM CARREY OVER POLITICAL DRAWING So what happened here?  Well, Jim Carrey has been doing some art in recent years.  But as you can guess, the uber-comic has done some… satire at the expense of both the living, and the dead.  This time, his target was the late Italian fascist […] More

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Farmer Amputates Own Leg With Pocket Knife to Escape Machine

NEBRASKA FARMER AMPUTATES HIS OWN LEG, USING A POCKET KNIFE So this guy takes the cake.  But he didn’t buy the farm.  His name is Kurt Kaser and he’s a farmer in Nebraska.  But as can happen on farms, one day he had an accident.  As he had done a thousand times before, Kaser was […] More

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In Colorado, Google Maps Shows How Human Lemmings Are Possible

GOOGLE MAPS MISDIRECTS DRIVERS INTO MUDDY ROAD IN A COLORADO FIELD So Google Maps has yet again taken us down the road that should not be travelled.  It’s a good reminder that an almost disaster is not quite a disaster.  But it’s also an even better reminder that Google Maps can all too easily create […] More

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Oregon Republicans Take MAGA Identity Another Giant Step

OREGON REPUBLICANS RUN FROM STATE, ALLY WITH DOMESTIC TERRORISTS So what the hell is going on in Oregon these days?  Well, a lot.  And when it comes to the Oregon GOP, it’s actually a lot of pretty scary stuff.  So what’s happening?  Well, there’s a Democratic majority in the Oregon legislature as well as a […] More

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Health Insurance Plays Shell Game to Deny Mental Health Coverage

MAJOR HEALTH INSURANCE PLAY SHELL GAME WITH MENTAL HEALTH COVERAGE FOR BIGGER PROFITS So this isn’t something I’ve run into myself.  Well, so far.  But I sure have run into other things that are enough to make a saint lose their minds in frustration.  And that’s a common experience for almost every American who deals […] More

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Minneapolis Lady Cop Sues Male Cops for Spying, Wins Big

AUTHORITIES AS STALKERS ENDS AS MINNEAPOLIS LADY COP SUES AND WINS BIG So you know how police have access to all sorts of databases on pretty much everyone that exists?  Well, maybe there is some differentiation from state to state.  But many states also coordinate, and make all their citizens’ info available to anyone with […] More

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Mississippi Hasn’t Elected an African-American in 129 Years

NOT A SINGLE AFRICAN-AMERICAN HAS WON STATEWIDE OFFICE IN MISSISSIPPI IN 129 YEARS, HOW? So what’s the deal with Mississippi?  My first memory of the state was, well, learning how to spell the state’s name.  It was kinda fun, to be honest.  But just a few decades later, I’m still yet to have ever been […] More

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Cleveland Couple Renovate Basement, Find Cache of Cash

CLEVELAND COUPLE THRILLED TO DISCOVER CACHE OF CASH WHEN THEY RENOVATE BASEMENT So I’ve never had the opportunity to buy a house, fix it up and then maybe flip it down the line for more money.  But for one Cleveland couple, they stumbled onto money, literally, as they went to renovate their basement.  The house […] More

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For Men, Post Nut Clarity Offers After Sex Epiphanies

POST-NUT CLARITY IS A REAL THING, AND THIS AFTER SEX MINDSET CAN PROVIDE MEN LIFE CHANGING EPIPHANIES So sex offers everyone the same things.  But not, necessarily, all the same things all the time.  So sure, sex is good for you.  Even very good for you.  It’s amazing at helping manage stress, anxiety and is […] More

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Organized Crime Regularly Targets Avocado Farmers, Making Guac $$$

WHO KNEW THAT ORGANIZED CRIME GANGS CONSTANTLY STEAL FROM AVOCADO FARMERS? So here we thought it was just an avocado shortage that could make guacamole expensive.  That was certainly true, to some degree, for the most recent Super Bowl extravaganza.  But there are more market forces that can make avocados more expensive.  But I would […] More

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Notre Dame’s First Mass Since Fire Requires Hardhats

NOTRE DAME HAS FIRST MASS SINCE DEVASTATING FIRE, BUT WITH HARDHATS So we all heard about the devastating fire at Notre Dame, right?  That’s the iconic and beautiful cathedral in Paris, France.  At a minimum, you’ve at least heard of the Hunchback of Notre Dame.  Well, that’s where it is, though the hunchback is a […] More

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Austin Couple Busted for Public Sex Claimed Ignorance of Law

AUSTIN COUPLE SAYS THEY HAVE NO IDEA PUBLIC SEX WAS AGAINST THE LAW So who doesn’t like to have sex?  And if you’re a contrarian, I beg you not to be in denial.  Absolutely everyone likes to have sex.  But a PDA is one thing.  Having full on intercourse is quite another.  Sure, I’ve heard […] More

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Tragedy As Tree That Inspired Dr. Seuss The Lorax is Dead

MONTEREY CYPRESS TREE THAT INSPIRED THE LORAX BY DR. SEUSS IS NO MORE So this is some seriously sad news.  Of course, everyone knows who Dr. Seuss is.  So too, pretty much everyone has at least heard of his children’s book, The Lorax, from 1971.  But like so much of his stories, they remain timeless […] More

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Samsung Sells Out, Tells TV Owners to Check for Malware

SAMSUNG TWEETS ADVICE TO ALL TV OWNERS THEY SHOULD REGULARLY SCAN FOR MALWARE Ok, I thought I liked Samsung.  But it seems Samsung sucks the major consumer booty like all the rest of the big tech companies out there.  Why?  Well, instead of protecting consumers who buy a Samsung TV, Samsung has simply issued some […] More

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New York State to Finally Legalize Marijuana This Week?

WILL THE EMPIRE STATE OF NEW YORK FINALLY, AT LONG LAST, LEGALIZE MARIJUANA? So as you know, many US states have made the move to legalize marijuana for personal use.  NY already enjoys some legal protections.  So for instance, if you have an ounce of weed in your possession, the State will no longer prosecute […] More

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Racist Jew Hater Says Meatless Burgers Are the Work of Satan

“CHRISTIAN” MEDIA PERSONALITY SAYS MEATLESS BURGERS WILL CHANGE YOUR DNA, ARE THE WORK OF SATAN So he said what?  Sometimes, I really don’t know about people.  Yet this is a special case.  But sure, moralizing Bible Thumpers always seem to say some crazy shit when it comes to conservative social mores.  But meatless burgers?  Say […] More

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Man Sends Saloon Amputated Toes As Cocktail Ingredient, Sourtoe

SOURTOE COCKTAIL INCLUDES ACTUAL HUMAN TOE, SO MAN SENDS HOTEL HIS AMPUTATED TOES So I don’t know about you.  But sometimes, I think people go a little too far when it comes to their mixology.  And no, I’m not talking about mixtapes, though maybe those are a thing of the past.  So what am I […] More

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NYPD Busts 46 Ice Cream Trucks in Operation Meltdown Sting

NYC MAYOR ANNOUNCES OPERATION MELTDOWN, AS NYPD SEIZES 46 ICE CREAM TRUCKS Uh, oh.  Nothing is sacred anymore!  Not even ice cream trucks in New York City.  So what possibly could have happened?  Well, you could say it was organized collusion.  But this isn’t a story about the Beltway, at all.  NYPD had to create […] More

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Woman Photos Alligator in Texas Lake With Knife Stuck in Head

TEXAS WOMAN TAKES PHOTOS OF LAKE ALLIGATOR WITH STEAK KNIFE STUCK IN ITS HEAD Sometimes, I really wonder about humanity.  This story is from the Houston, Texas area and it’s a disturbing doozie.  A local woman, Erin Weaver, was on her normal daily walk near her home when she spotted the strange sight.  There was […] More

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Three More Cases of Brain Burrowing Parasitic Worms in Hawaii

NEW REPORTS OUT THAT HAWAII HAS THREE MORE CASES OF BRAIN BURROWING PARASITIC WORMS So this keeps getting more and more disgusting.  I really don’t know what is wrong with people these days.  So if you didn’t already know better, please don’t eat any snails and slugs in Hawaii.  But no, I don’t mean in […] More

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Who Benefits From Attacking Two Oil Tankers in Middle East?

WHO REALLY BENEFITS FROM ATTACKING TWO OIL TANKERS IN THE MIDDLE EAST?  IT’S NOT IRAN So this is really NOT good news.  If you haven’t heard already, someone attacked two oil tankers headed for delivery in Japan.  Torpedoes means state actors.  That means a country has engaged in official high seas terrorism, right now.  Immediately, […] More

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Large Majority of Facebook Investors Vote to Fire Zuckerberg

68% IS A LARGE MAJORITY OF FACEBOOK INVESTORS, AND THEY WANT TO FIRE MARK ZUCKERBERG Ah, if only Democracy really worked in large corporations.  So sure, shareholder do get a bit of a say.  But most large corporations are run by their boards of directors and the people at the top, like Mark Zuckerberg at […] More

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Oakland Legalizes Organic Trips, Shrooms, Peyote and More

OAKLAND LEGALIZES SHROOMS, PEYOTE AND MORE, OH MY! Well, hell.  Do I have to become a Raiders fan, now?  Because being a Raiders fan is a serious trip.  But now, Oakland is going all in with real, organic trips.  How?  The city is legalizing organic psychoactives like shrooms, peyote and “entheogenic plants” overall.  So say […] More

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Kevin Durant Injury Will Affect the Entire NBA for Years to Come

KEVIN DURANT ACHILLES INJURY WILL RESHAPE ALL OF THE NBA FOR YEARS TO COME So if you’re an NBA fan, you already know about the Kevin Durant injury.  Well, the latest one.  But it’s devastating, no matter what we know now.  And more information will come out all too soon.  So what happened?  Durant came […] More

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Ohio Residents Shocked To Find Their Water is Purple

NOT MICHIGAN THIS TIME, OHIO RESIDENTS SHOCKED TO SEE THEIR TAP WATER IS PURPLE So what else is new?  How about purple water?  But no, this isn’t an update from Flint, Michigan.  Instead, we now have residents of Ohio who are shocked to turn on their faucets and find purple water pouring out.  And no, […] More

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Too Big to Move, Colorado Landslide Boulder to Be Landmark

GIANT BOULDER THAT DESTROYED HIGHWAY TO BE COLORADO LANDMARK So what do you do when an 8.5 million pound boulder falls into, and demolishes, a mountain highway?  Well, in this case the boulder is just so damn big, the answer is pretty much nothing.  So as you can see from the picture, that’s one damn […] More

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Megachurch Televangelist Needs His Biblical Private Jet

THIS TELEVANGELIST REALLY NEEDS HIS BIBLICAL PRIVATE JET FOR GOD’S WORK So much for heaven can wait.  If you’re a loaded, rich in terms of money Christian leader, you want your heaven on this side of the pearly gates.  We’ve all heard stories about people going to a megachurch and leaving all their money there.  […] More

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Found in a Drawer, Lost Single Chess Piece Worth $1.3 Million

ANTIQUES DEALER HAD NO IDEA WHAT HIS $6 PURCHASE REALLY WAS So it’s been years.  But I remember sometime in the 1980’s hearing about someone finding a $4 million diamond in a pile of glass at a Virginia antique shop.  The lucky buyer bought it for $15!  So this is similar.  But it’s not another […] More

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Patient Catches Fire During Heart Surgery

AUSTRALIAN PATIENT CATCHES FIRE IN THE MIDDLE OF HEART SURGERY Well, that’s new.  So we all know about heart surgery.  That’s when doctors literally crack your chest open to get to your heart.  Sometimes it’s a normal surgery.  But other times, like this time, it’s an emergency procedure.  Doctors reported on this very unusual case […] More

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Swedish Company Floats Idea of Public Pogo Sticks in San Francisco

STUPID SWEDISH COMPANY WANTS TO RENT POGO STICKS TO PEDESTRIANS IN SAN FRANCISCO So what is it with people and amazingly dumb ideas?  And I do mean amazingly dumb.  San Francisco has been inundated, not with rain, but with dumb ideas lately. Many of them involve transportation.  If you’re from California, you already know about […] More

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