Who loves weed? Please stand up. Weed: who among us hasn’t partaken in — and thoroughly enjoyed — the sticky icky icky? Who, I ask you? You there with the Lane Bryant stretch pants. And you, Wall Street guy with the briefcase. You probably love it too. It’s fantastic. It’s inhalable. It’s available for $60 an 1/8th, delivered right to your house if you know a guy who knows a guy. It’s marijuana … and America loves it. Before you think that you’re simply reading a message funded by Big Marijuana … first think about how hilarious that might be. A big, giant, walking, talking marijuana (singular). I’m cracking myself up this early morning, let me tell you, but anyway: a new poll has found that a solid majority — 58% — of Americans support the legalization of:
Mary Jane (narcs)
Ganja (that one dude in Union Square)
Grass (art teachers in middle school)
Weed (people who’ve smoked weed once)
The bomb diggity (Northern California slang, 1996-1998)
To put that in perspective, just 12% of American citizens in 1969 supported the legalization. THAT 12% KNEW HOW TO PARTY. And now, some 45 years and countless snacks later, that number has increased five times. Because 5 x 12% = 60% and minus 2% because reasons, OK? That way you get 58%. I was close. According to the Austin Chronicle, who probably enjoy the comforts of living in Twamp City, too:
Support for legal pot is greatest among those 49 and under (67% of those 18-29 favor legalization as do 62% of those 30-49) though support among the older cohorts is gaining steadily, with 45% of those over 65 agreeing pot should be legal. Democrats are most likely to support legalization (65%), but for the first time in Gallup’s polling on the issue those who consider themselves politically independent have also cracked the six-in-10 majority, with 62%. Only a majority of Republicans now believe pot should remain illegal.
Marijuana advocates across the nation will presumably be thrilled with this news right after this “Quantum Leap” marathon and several mugs of coffee. The writing is on the wall for nationwide pot acceptance, and the writing has spelled “acceptance” wrong because whoever wrote it was too busy digging the new Arcade Fire album. For anyone thinking that I’m making fun of stoners with the last two references, I ask that you simply review my activities after work yesterday. Presto! Marijuana is — of course — illegal in this country despite it being substantially better for you than alcohol and cigarettes, which kill hundreds of thousands of people a year, create millions of dollars in infrastructural and legal damage due to health costs, but are altogether taxable. Is the American government scared to legalize something that would actually make people more chill and happier, lower blood pressure, create millions for local economies, and something something end-of-list? Maybe they are. But Obama is notably our first stoner president, being part of a gang of stoners hilariously named The Choom Gang back in his college and high school days.