Fuck yeah, bro, I love marketing. When I’m not shredding on my ‘board or wailing on my g-tar, I’m thinking about the best vertical for synergetic user experience with maximum outreach.
Every morning I start my day with some cardio, a protein shake, and updating my CV to show potential employers the full breadth of my ability. I check my Facebook to poke my girl, send out a few tweets to my homies, post some new A$AP Rocky on my Tumblr, and then like any normal teenager I seek out high-commitment, long-term employment in a developing field while facing job obsolescence from overseas engineering markets.
Thanks to LinkedIn, my personal brand has never been stronger. Sure, my biggest worry is who I’m gonna take to Sadie Hawkins (Vanessa or Olivia?), but have you seen the reports of Q3 futures from Kilpatrick, Townsend & Stockton this morning? They’re almost as bad as my mom’s cookin’!
According to a post published to LinkedIn’s official blog, the professional social network is now allowing teens onto its platform to help them figure out what college they should attend. Each university will be able to claim their own page, which they can update with information about their various programs, extracurriculars and notable alumni.
Beginning on September 12, the minimum age to access LinkedIn will drop to 14 and high school students will invade the network with questions such as “What’s the coolest dorm?” and “Which bars can you drink at without being carded?” Also to ostensibly check out colleges and figure out which careers their majors typically yield (hint: “drama” leads to “waiting tables”).
The move appears to be yet another part of an effort on behalf of LinkedIn to convince young people that its platform is actually cool and hip and not a mid-level sales conference at an Orlando Holiday Inn in as a business. “Linkedin: it’s not just for old people who have briefcases,” intones the narrator in a newly released promotional video for high schoolers.
Do you hear that, cool teens? You don’t need a f*ckin’ briefcase! Damn the man, save the empire! We don’t need no stinkin’ briefcases! We are young, we are free, we are a highly marketable demographic with disposable income!
Of course, the answer to the question of whether teens will actually flock to The World’s Least Cool Social Network remains to be seen: there’ll undoubtedly be over-achievers who start young, who will naturally be able to blend in with the kind of emotionless husks that flock to mid-management and corporate HR positions. LinkedIn has, however, managed to eek out a niche for itself in that market: landing people jobs left and right, while simultaneously being mostly known to the greater populace as a site that routinely spams people’s email inboxes. What’s more is that around 70% of the site’s user base only check their LinkedIn profiles around once a month or so — given LinkedIn’s spotty background with user experience, can they afford to step into the youth market?