If you or someone you know vaguely cares at all about the theater, then you have probably witnessed the murder of Carrie Underwood’s performance in “The Sound of Music Live!” on NBC. Some of the many status updates on my Facebook have included these comments:
“In no way is she an actress.”
“The original Gretl Von Trapp says Carrie Underwood TOTALLY BOMBED!!”
“Bring back Julie Andrews.”
“Wow. Someone needs to learn how to breathe and not swallow her sound. Oh and phrasing. Oh. And acting.”
“Oh God, I hope Carrie Underwood doesn’t have Twitter.”
Well, you know what Facebook friends? YOU NEED TO LEAVE CARRIE ALONE! None of this is her fault! Hell, she won “American Idol” when that show was still relevant, so that means people tell her she can do anything on a daily basis. If she attempts to climb Mount Everest and dies, you’ll all feel SO BAD.
And you know what? It’s not NBC’s fault, either! LEAVE NBC ALONE! It’s not their fault the entire television industry relies on viewership and dollar signs. It’s not their fault that Middle America has never heard of Kelli O’Hara. Or Sutton Foster. Or Megan Hilty. Or everybody in the background of “The Sound of Music Live!” It’s not their fault that producing “The Sound of Music Live!” was considered such a risk that they couldn’t take another risk in casting a lesser-known talent in the lead role. Again, it’s not their fault people considered reviving this particular musical such a risk, although it’s already known as an American classic and has been produced countless times on stages all over the world.
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Hey everyone! It’s not musical theater’s fault! Nope! LEAVE MUSICAL THEATER ALONE! It’s not musical theater’s fault that it’s not taught in schools across the country. It’s not musical theater’s fault that “The Sound of Music”’s title alone is not enough to garner mass interest. It’s not musical theater’s fault that Mickey Mouse or Spider-man or some other recognizable brand-name character wasn’t written into this show.
Wait. OMG. It is someone’s fault. It’s that damn Julie Andrews. If it weren’t for her being SO iconic, Underwood would have looked SO much better. Wait. Julie Andrews was in a film. Carrie was live on stage … on TV. OK, so that’s like comparing apples and oranges.
In fact, I believe it’s no one’s fault! LEAVE EVERYONE ALONE! It’s no one’s fault that Carrie Underwood was not the best talent for the role she played. Sometimes things just SUCK and you have to accept it because it’s simply no one’s fault. It’s no one’s fault that even though the television industry occasionally works alongside the world of theater, pretending that kids in rural America will grow up giving a crap about it, what it’s really concerned with is reaching 18.47 million viewers using star power. It’s no one’s fault that creative success and financial success are distant cousins. It’s not our fault that we are addicted to complacency!
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There you have it. There is no fault. I’m going to go post Nelson Mandela pictures and pretend to love everything the world does wrong.
Hold on. Wait, wait. I retract all of that. It’s God’s fault. Yeah.