JAMES “JIM” BAKKER SAYS GOD WILL PUNISH ANYONE WHO MAKES FUN OF HIM
Jim Bakker, disgraced televangelist from yesteryear, announces God’s vengeance will punish you (yes you!) if you make fun of him. So there is a God and he has a sense of humor, not just in times of disaster. In this case, a brutal sense of humor, but I’m ok with it on this one. Does anyone remember the name Jim Bakker? How about Tammy Fae Bakker? Or Jessica Hahn? If not, a brutally brief synopsis is this: back in the 80’s Jim Bakker was (and is again, now) a televangelist who lived the high life by screwing suckers out of their money. He even kept two sets of books about the money.
WHAT HAPPENED TO JESSICA HAHN, ANYWAY? SHE WAS HOT, MAYBE MADE FUN OF BAKKER, GOD’S VENGEANCE?
But it all really blew up when his hot secretary, Jessica Hahn, accused him of drugging and then raping her. Well, I suppose it “blew up” when the roughly quarter million dollars in hush money came to light as well. Anyways, the Bakkers were high and tawdry drama back in the day, including runny mascara. So now it’s almost like the Blade runner sequel taking more than 30 years, except this is definitely not a good sequel, just an amazing throwback to a small man. Ahem- there’s no word on his hand size, in case you were wondering.
BAKER A STRONG TRUMP SUPPORTER, BELIEVES IN HAND OF GOD SIZE
So, if you don’t want to buy disaster food from Jim Bakker, that’s fine, even though the Hurricanes are God’s judgement. But maybe buy his disaster food while you still have money before the flood comes. You don’t have to agree with him that criticizing Trump is the antichrist, or that Bernie Sanders is like Hitler. But if you do watch his show, which means you will eventually have to buy his doomsday food since that’s what it’s all about, you can’t be mean to poor Jimmy any more. Seriously. The consequences will be dire for those who continue to watch his show, not buy his disaster food and, well, mock him. No, not Him. Jimmy.
BAKKER ADDS TO OLD TESTAMENT USING GOD’S VOICE, “DON’T MAKE FUN OF JIM BAKKER”
“If you don’t want to hear it, just shut me off,” he had said in a clip from a show last week posted on the web by Right Wing Watch. “Especially you folks that monitor me every day to try to destroy me. Just go away. You don’t have to be there. You don’t have to hear it.”
Then he issued this warning:
“One day, you’re going to shake your fist in God’s face. And you’re going to say, ‘God, why didn’t you warn me?’ He’s gonna say, ‘You sat there and you made fun of Jim Bakker all those years. I warned you, but you didn’t listen.’”
DISASTER FOOD MARKET MAY GROW AS GOD’S PUNISHMENT METED OUT, PERHAPS BAKKER HAS PYRAMID SCHEME IN HEAVEN
Bakker was a mainstay of the insane and 1980s televangelist circuit, having built a Christian TV, theme park and resort empire worth $180 million. But the hubris caught up with poor Jimmy and he resigned in shame after a sex scandal . He also eventually served four years in prison for fraud. No word on any skills he picked up there, besides how to make disaster food.
So now these days he tries to sell survivalist food and other supplies to help “good” Christians survive the upcoming “tribulation” period that will supposedly last for several years. It’s a shame Jimmy fails to recognize it started last November and was realized this year.
Maybe we should buy some of his food or face god’s vengeance.