THE E-GRANDCHILD IS NOW SOMETHING ALL JAPANESE GRANDPARENTS CAN BUY, AND LOVE
So there’s just so much wrong with this I’m almost at a loss about where to begin. Sure, people buy all sorts of products that make no sense and are just plain weird as hell. But I’m not sure about what it says about Japan that someone felt that there would even be a tiny amount of demand for this product. And by product, I do mean an electronic grandchild. And no, there is no pun, joke or euphemism involved with this at all. The product has the name, Ami-Chan. It’s an e-grandchild. Really. And the someone who makes this is Takara Tomy, for Japanese grandparents to love forever.
E-GRANDCHILD CAN TALK IN ITS SLEEP, ANSWER QUESTIONS AND HAS SEASONAL PROGRAMMING
So maybe I’m just far, far too Western to understand how this could even be a good idea. Haven’t these people ever heard of pets? You know, like a cat or a dog? Or even a parrot? Parrots can talk, just like this E-Grandchild. So sure, Ami-Chan has a 1,600 word vocabulary, which is sort of impressive. But it can also sing up to 40 nursery rhymes and other songs, belt out 35 tongue twister to perfection and ask questions that are even seasonal. Oh, and it talks in its “sleep.” Whatever that means.
NEVER NEEDING FOOD OR TUITION, THE E-GRANDCHILD JUST NEEDS 4 C-BATTERIES FOREVER
So sure, you have to feed pets, like, food. And water, of course. And the E-Grandchild never ever needs food. Just a fresh supply of 4 C size batteries. And, well, it will never ever get any older. Except as a pun, of course. Or maybe forgotten on a shelf or in a box? But seriously, who wants to buy this thing? Because clearly there is a market in Japan for this. I don’t know. Maybe I’m old fashioned, thinking that electronic dolls are for, you know, kids? But this is real, and people are clearly buying their very own E-Grandchild. Maybe we’ll end up hearing about how these folks’ real grandkids feel about losing out on their grandparents’ attentions?